Boston Babies
by CharlieRizzoli
Summary: Jane and Maura are raising their two teenage children and looking to grow their little family. RIZZLES Family fluff and drama.
1. The Right to go Insane

Jane slowly awakes from her first restful night's sleep in quite a while. She rolls over to the other side of the bed, gently placing her hand down finding only cool sheets. She lifts her head and looks towards the bathroom door which is open with the lights off, her wife nowhere to be found. She gets out of bed, stretching her back and legs before walking out into the hallway. The sun coming in from the windows shocks her body even more awake and she walks downstairs into the kitchen.

Her wife, Doctor Maura Isles, the love of her life is standing in the kitchen. She is leaning against the kitchen counter, cup of tea in hand, staring out the window above the sink, into the backyard. Jane walks as quietly as she can over and slides her arms around her wife's waist. She takes in her scent, resting her chin on her shoulder. She can see the corner of Maura's mouth turn upward.

"Good morning, how did you sleep?"

"Good. You're up early this morning."

"I received a call from the Chelsea police department about sending a body to my office this morning. They say it's urgent." Maura turns to give her wife a proper hug. "I couldn't fall back to sleep after so I decided to make some tea." She signals to her cup as she moves to sit on one of the stools at the kitchen island. "Are the kids still asleep?"

"I didn't check, but I didn't hear any movement when I was upstairs." Jane starts the coffee maker and before she can speak again she is interrupted by a loud bang. "What the hell was that?" She instantly starts towards the stairs, running up them two at a time. "Is everyone okay?" She yells, hoping to God her children are alright. She doesn't get a response and her heart starts to quicken.

She is relieved when she sees her oldest child, her son Oliver walk out of his room, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "What happened?" His voice is a raspy whisper as he looks at his mothers who are just as confused as he is.

"Addison!" Jane yells as she moves towards her daughter's room.

When she pushes the door open she nearly falls over at what she sees. Her daughter is lying in her bed, a gunshot wound to her abdomen, she is gasping for air; the pure terror in her eyes is enough to kill Jane on the spot. On the wall behind her bed, written in her blood are the words 'you can't save them all' she hears her daughter gasp out the word Mama before Jane is startled awake.

Her chest heaves up and down as she tries to convince herself it was just another nightmare. She has been having these exact nightmares since they adopted Addi. Maura wakes up and sits up rubbing Jane's back whispering in her ear.

"It's alright. You're alright." Jane nods, acknowledging her wife's attempts to soothe her. "The same one?" Jane nods again as she pulls her comforter off and walks out of the room. Knowing where she's going and that she needs to do this, Maura lets her go and lies back down.

Jane tiptoes down the hallway to her daughter's bedroom door, gently pushing it open. Her shoulders relax when she sees her daughter peacefully asleep, uninjured, safe, just like she always is. She watches for a while. She notes how her chest moves up and down, her eyelids twitch and her lips are parted just barely. Jane thinks how hard they fought for their little girl, and how much it would kill her and Maura if they ever lost her.

Before going back to bed she goes to check on their son. She watches his same actions: his rising and falling chest, twitching eyelids, his long eyelashes moving just barely as he dreams and the way his hand curls to a near fist above his head, sleeping the same way he has since he was a baby. She closes his door as quietly as possible before going back to bed. She lies down next to her wife. The woman she loves more than anything else in this world. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps, all the tension from her forehead is gone, her furrowed brow from her constantly working brain is finally at rest and she looks just like she did when she was younger. Jane smiles and kisses her wife on the cheek before wrapping back up in the blanket and falling asleep for a few more hours.

When she wakes again, she is met, not with her wife but her daughter, next to her in her bed. Jane rolls over and kisses her on the forehead.

"Good morning baby." She whispers into her ear.

Addison opens one eye first, looking with her green eyes at her mother.

"Morning Mama" she yawns and cuddles into Jane's side "Mom said you had another one of your nightmares. Are you okay?"

Jane gives an unhappy chuckle, "Yes baby, I'm okay." Jane rubs her hand up and down Addi's arm, "You're too sweet to me."

"You shouldn't worry about me so much." Addison says with a seriousness she must have learned from Maura.

"I'm your Mama, it's my job. If I don't worry about you what will I do all day?"

"Your job?" Addison answers in a sarcastic voice. Jane tickles her side.

"I take back the sweet comment. You're a brat." Jane says as she laughs along with her daughter.

Maura walks into the bedroom, smiling at the sight of mother and daughter enjoying one another's company.

"Mom, help!" Addison yells a plea to Maura to get Jane off of her.

"You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out." Is her only reply.

"No fair! Uncle! Uncle!" She yells and Jane lets up.

Addison pulls her t-shirt back down fully but not before Jane catches a glimpse of the scar that runs the length of her abdomen, left to right. Every time she sees it she feels the same amount of anger she felt that day. Addison doesn't talk about it much. Neither Jane nor Maura bring it up so they won't upset her.

"How you doing? Have you had any nightmares lately?"

Addison shrugs, "A couple."

This surprises Jane. Usually she wakes up when Addison has nightmares because she becomes very vocal in her sleep.

"You know you can always come wake me or mom up if you get scared right?" Jane's voice has become serious as she wraps her daughter back into a hug. Maura joins them on the bed, resting her hand on her daughter's knee.

"Yeah, I know." Despite all the times she has been told this she still feels embarrassed about her past.

She's never truly opened up and that is cause for concern for her mothers, having dealt with hundreds of traumatized children in their professions.

"What's going on with you, huh?" Jane asks, squeezing her daughter's shoulders tightly

"Nothing." This gets a look from both her parents. "I'm gonna go wake Ollie up." She walks out of the room before she can be called back to talk further about her feelings.

She rushes into her brother's room and jumps onto his bed. He groans and rolls over to his stomach, forcing his pillow into his face.

"Oliver!" She yells, getting closer to his ear. She bounces up and down until he rips the pillow away and glares at his sister. "Good morning." She says sweetly, with a smirk.

"What do you want? It's Saturday." He groans in his grumpy, sleepy voice. He looks at the digital clock on his nightstand. "It's 9:30 AM."

"Thank you father time." This gets another glare and he sits up. He is tall and towers over his sister who is now sitting cross-legged, smiling brightly at him. "Do you want to go play soccer today?" He thinks about it for a second and then nods. He can never say no to his little sister, and therefore partakes in sports and other activities that he doesn't particularly enjoy but he knows she does.

Oliver and Addison walk to the Boston Commons, the largest park in the city which happens to be right near their house. They usually spend their Saturday's together, especially when their moms need to work, which is more often than not. It's the first few days of September, and school starts the following week. Addison will be starting high school and Oliver has been sensing how nervous she is.

"So, you ready for school to start?" He asks tossing the ball up in the air for her to hit it with her head.

"What do you think?" It bounces from her head to her chest to her knee where she juggles it a couple times before kicking it back to her brother.

"You shouldn't be nervous. It's really no different than middle school."

"Says the Boy Wonder. You get school. You _like_ school. All of my friends are staying in Boston Public and I have to go to this fancy, college prep private school."

"So that's what this is about." Ollie answers, kicking the ball gently towards his sister.

"What if no one likes me? What if I'm the dumbest one?"

Oliver gives her a look of pure disbelief at the idea that she could ever possibly think she's dumb. She doesn't see the look. She's focused on her feet which are absentmindedly kicking the ball from one to the other.

"You're not dumb. You never could be. You're gonna do great at the new school. I didn't know anyone when I went there last year, but I made friends. Besides, I'll be there to have your back." She looks up and into her brother's eyes. They have the same loving and compassionate look they always do. He raises his eyebrows and she shrugs.

"I guess you're right. How bad could it be?" Her voice waivers, she is still not even remotely convinced but doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She kicks the ball at him, hard, and it nearly hits him in the head.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, slipped." She laughs and runs away as he starts to chase after.

A couple hours later Oliver pulls his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Ma wants us home."

When they walk through the front door Jane and Maura are sitting on the couch. Maura is reading a book with Jane's feet resting on her lap as she watches a day old baseball game.

"Hey kids" Jane greets, sitting up and looking away from the screen.

"Hey" they answer in unison.

"How was the park?" Maura asks, putting her book down to take in her kids' dirty, disheveled appearance.

"Good." Oliver says. Addi remains silent.

Without saying a word she goes up to her room, placing her soccer ball on the chair and pulling her pin straight hair out of its pony tail, rubbing the sore spot from the hair tie. There's a knock on her door, Jane is standing there with a bottle of water.

"Hey Ma," She holds her hands out to catch the bottle. "What's up?"

"Can we talk to you?" She sits on the edge of the bed. Maura walks in after her.

They both have somber expressions on their faces as Addi sits in between the two of them. Jane clears her throat and gently puts her hand on her daughter's shoulder.

"Baby, I don't know how to tell you this but, um, Wendell Miller is pleading insanity, and they are genuinely considering letting him out of prison."

There isn't an immediate reaction like they expected. Instead Addison sits in silence. Her eyes are clearly working through what her mother just said.

"So he murders my parents, and gets away with it?"

There isn't an answer for that. Maura kisses her daughter's temple and rubs her back.

"The justice system is imperfect." Jane starts, "He hasn't been told one way or another whether or not he'll be released. If he is, he will be moved to a high security psych hospital, he won't be released into the public."

"So?" Addi's tone is now angry as the reality of the situation sinks in. "That doesn't make it okay. He doesn't deserve to get help. He deserves to rot in prison. He deserves to die. He doesn't deserve help from other decent people because he'll only take advantage. People like Wendell Miller don't change, they're scum." Addison moves to her dresser where her parent's wedding picture sits in a wooden frame. "What he did was horrible."

"We know baby. Trust me we're just as upset about this as you are." Jane says

"Doubt that." She picks the picture frame up and hugs it to her chest. "Can I be alone for a while?" Neither Jane nor Maura move; worrying about what is going on in their daughter's head. "Please."

"Sure sweetheart," Maura says moving towards the door. "We'll be downstairs if you need us."

Once outside of the bedroom with the door closed, Jane pulls Maura into her arms and speaks softly into her ear. "She'll be alright."

"I'm so worried about her. This is the last thing she needs."


	2. These Open Wounds I Hope Heal Soon

**Hey Guys, thank you so much for the lovely response to my first chapter. I'm glad to see some of you really enjoyed it. This is my first Rizzles fic so please go easy on me as I am completely new to the romance aspect of their relationship. Anyway, here is the second chapter, I hope you enjoy it. CV**

A few hours later dinner has come and gone. Jane tried to coax her daughter out of her bedroom to eat but she wouldn't come downstairs, she wouldn't even open the door. Nighttime is setting in, the sun long gone, Ollie has gone up to his bedroom and Maura and Jane to their own room. Jane starts turning down the bed as Maura moves to the bathroom to remove her makeup.

"Maybe I should go check on her again." The detective says throwing a pillow to the floor.

"She'll be alright. You know how she is. She'll come to us when she's ready to talk about it."

"Are you sure about that?" Jane's eyes are accusing and it takes her wife by surprise. "I just mean that she's been having nightmares and she didn't say anything about them until I asked. I think there's a lot more going on in her head than she lets us believe." Her expression softens and melts into a saddened one.

Maura moves over to her wife and wraps her arms around her torso, leaning her chin on Jane's shoulder. They both have been extremely busy lately with work and have been feeling guilty about how little time they've spent with the kids. Now with the Wendell Miller news pending they feel even worse about leaving their daughter alone.

"I just don't want her to feel like she's fending for herself." Jane releases herself from the hug and starts to change into pajamas.

"She knows that we're here for her. No matter what happens nothing will change that. If she needs to hear it, we'll tell her. Jane, she'll be alright."

Jane looks into her wife's eyes and is grateful for the amount of assurance that lies within them. She nods her head and lies in the bed, opening her arms for her wife to curl up into. She kisses Maura's head and closes her eyes, taking in her scent. She smells like tea and her lavender shampoo. She is completely intoxicated by the woman beside her and she has to fight a smile when she thinks about her life. She can't help but feel guilty being so happy when she knows her little girl is absolutely miserable. Eventually both women fall asleep.

In the harsh darkness of the early hours of the morning, the door to their bedroom squeaks open. Addi walks gently, as quietly as possible across the carpeted floor over to Maura, who is closest to the door. She bends down next to the bed and taps her mom's arm.

"Mommy," she whispers as she sees Maura stir in her sleep. When her eyes open Addi instantly changes her mind, feeling guilty for waking her up. "I'm sorry."

"What's wrong? Are you alright?" Maura instantly sits up. Addi nods as she is pulled onto the mattress.

"Can I sleep in here tonight?"

At the shift in the mattress Jane rolls over. "What's going on?" Her voice is even raspier than usual as sleep plagues her entire body.

"Nothing, we're fine go back to sleep." Jane doesn't need to be told twice as she rolls over and falls back to sleep, never truly waking up. "Are you sure you're alright?" Maura's soothing voice instantly calms Addison's entire body as she cuddles into the crook of her mother's neck. Maura can feel hot tears on her skin. She runs her hand through Addison's hair pulling her even closer.

"I miss my parents." Her little voice barely resonates, but once she realizes what was said Maura's stomach churns.

Of course she misses her parents but it doesn't make the thought that she and Jane aren't her biological parents any easier to deal with. The truth is Addison had only been in their lives for seven years. She had a whole other life before Jane found her. She was a whole other person before she was tormented and left for dead by her parent's murderer. She is traumatized and sensitive and terrified. Deep down she knows that her parents, her _real_ parents are no longer there to help her.

"Of course you do. You must think about them a lot."

"Not as much as I used to. I try to, it's just, I forget most of the stuff I used to know about them." Tears start falling faster and harder. "I feel like if I don't think about them and remember all the stuff they used to like and who they were who will?"

Maura isn't sure what to say so she simply places a few soft kisses on her temple.

"The only thing that anyone remembers is how they died. They all know who Wendell Miller is but nobody knows who they were. The bad guy is remembered and the good guys' memories are left to die alongside of them. How is that fair?"

"It isn't."

"What if he gets out? What then? He just wins again?"

"He doesn't win. He will never win. You won, because you survived. You're here to tell the stories of who your parents were. You will live a life filled with accomplishments and love. You will show the world that Wendell Miller doesn't get to win."

"You really think so?"

"I know so. You already have."

When Addi looks into her mother's eyes, even in the darkness, Maura can see the redness around them and the tears that linger on her cheeks and eyelashes. The poor girl had probably been crying for hours, unable to think of anything other than the man who has already taken too much of her time and too many memories.

In the comfort of her mother's arms Addi drifts off to sleep.

The next morning she wakes up to an empty bed.

"Mom?" Her voice sounds slightly panicked but she relaxes when Maura's head pops out from the doorway of the connected bathroom.

"Good morning sweetheart."

"Mornin" She answers lazily "Where's Ma?"

"She's downstairs with your brother. You slept really late today, it's nearly noon time."

Addi's eyes widen when she hears this news. She rarely sleeps past nine o' clock most mornings.

"You let me sleep this long?" She asks, standing to stretch her back.

"I figured you could use it after the night you had last night."

Addison gives a grateful look to her mother. Most people only see the mechanical, doctoral, professional side of Maura Isles. She was one of the lucky few to see the sensitive, loving, caring side of her. She walks over and hugs her around the waist.

"Thanks mom."

"Anytime sweetheart." She pulls her daughter's chin in her hand to make her look at her. "I mean that. Anytime you need me." She kisses her forehead. "Now go get dressed alright?"

After throwing on a pair of shorts and a tank top she saunters downstairs to find some food.

"Hey bout time you got your butt out of bed." Oliver says with a grin.

"Ollie," Jane's voice is a warning as she shakes her head.

He quickly shuts his mouth. This interaction goes unnoticed by Addi who pours a glass of orange juice for herself. She sits next to her brother at the kitchen island.

"Are you doing homework? It's summer."

"It's extra credit." He shrugs.

"Extra credit for what? Nothing's started yet." She looks absolutely disgusted and Jane laughs at her children.

Oliver is so much like his biological mother. He is brilliant and oblivious to most sarcasm, although his sister is helping him learn the language rather quickly with her quick wit and bitter one-liners. He takes his reading glasses off and puts them on the granite countertop next to his binder which is undoubtedly organized by subject, size, color, document or whatever other category he could possibly think of.

Maura had him when she was so young and yet raised him better than most older, well established, adults could have. Sometimes Jane forgets that she and Maura are only 35. The age at most people start their families. With two teenagers in the house it feels as though they have been together their whole lives, and Jane wouldn't have it any other way.

"Be nice to your brother. At least he's found something he's passionate about." Jane defends her son.

"Books?" Addison scrunches up her face, only adding to how adorable she is.

"Learning." Jane corrects her. "You could take a few pointers from him you know?"

"No thanks, I've already found my passion too." She takes a sip of her juice and Jane raises her eyebrow, eager to see what she is going to come out with. "Avoiding learning as much as possible." She laughs and Jane is thankful to see that her current situation hasn't completely ruined her general good nature and happy demeanor.

"Is that so?" Addi just nods.

Before anything else is said Maura interrupts the conversation.

"Is what so?"

"Our daughter is going to grow up ignorant and unable to read."

This makes both the kids laugh, and they laugh harder at the look of shock and pure disbelief on Maura's face.

"Yup, I'll be like one of the Kardashians. I'm gonna live on my good looks alone."

"So your passion is plastic surgery?" Oliver says making his sister laugh harder and hit him on the shoulder.

"Asshole."

"Language." Maura warns. "You may be ignorant and unable to read but no daughter of mine will be swearing like a sailor."

No matter how many times she hears it, it still makes her heart flutter when Jane and Maura call her their daughter. Although she has been with them since she was seven, she always felt a little bit of a disconnect knowing that Oliver was Maura's biological son and Jane had been in his life since he was born. She felt like they always held those first seven years against her, like she was the lesser child because she hadn't been around as long; like she was just an add-on because she didn't share DNA with anyone in the house. Of course, they had done all they could to convince her that it wasn't true but a feeling like that doesn't just disappear.

"So you would love me even if I couldn't read?" This question takes Jane aback but she admires how eloquently and gracefully her wife is able to answer it.

"Intelligence doesn't make a person. What they do with the skills they do possess, that's what makes a person worth knowing and worth loving. Although you are very smart, you are also an amazing person, that's what matters to us sweetheart. Just like your brother, you are well mannered, self-aware, resilient and polite. You two are kind hearted, that will always matter more than your I.Q."

Jane smiles as her wife leans into her side. She wraps her arm around her shoulder and kisses just below her ear. Both kids avert their attention to something on Ollie's phone allowing the mothers to speak. Jane whispers into Maura's ear.

"You're incredible. Everything you just said, they get all of that from you."

"And you too." Maura's smile is enough to melt Jane's heart as she pulls her in for a gentle kiss.

"Alright, cut it out you two." Addi says crudely interrupting their moment. "If we can't make out in the house you can't either."

"That isn't a rule Addison." Maura says indignantly.

"Although I think it should be." Jane says in a quick response.

"All I'm saying is, if we have to keep it rated G so do you two. At least while we're in the same room." She shivers in a dramatic way trying to portray how grossed out she is.

"Why are you complaining? You aren't even allowed to date yet." Oliver butts in.

"Yeah, but you are. You want me to stop advocating for you?" He goes quiet. "That's what I thought. Speaking of dating, any girls you're interested in Ollie?" She nudges him in the shoulder and he remains quiet. "Okaaay, guess I got my answer." She gives a raise of her shoulders to her mothers who shake their heads at their daughter's behavior, nothing out of the ordinary for her.

"So mom and I have to go into work for a little while today, but afterward do you guys want to go out for dinner?"

"Yeah!"  
"Sounds good to me." They answer at the same time.

After their long day at work, which was actually shorter than most, but felt like it dragged on forever, Maura and Jane are both excited to get home to their children and to have a nice dinner with them. They are greeted outside the front door by yelling and they quickly try to get inside.

"If you didn't then who did?" They hear their daughter's voice screaming from the living room. When they walk into the room they see Addison standing over her brother with an intimidating stance; fists clenched, knees bent, shoulders up near her ears. Oliver is sitting, looking at a complete loss in the chair in front of her. "I didn't touch it, so it must have been you." She continues to yell and move even closer to him, getting in his face.

Jane grabs her shoulder and pulls her away from Ollie before she can do something she might regret.

"What is going on here?" She is met by a look on her daughter's face she has never seen before. Her eyes are wild and fierce, her face completely red and it takes Jane a moment to realize that this is in fact her little girl. When Addison doesn't respond Jane looks to Oliver who hasn't move from his spot.

"She thinks I took something from her room. I don't know." He looks beyond freaked out.

"Addison, what's going on?" Her voice is still firm and her grip on her daughter's shoulder doesn't release.

"My necklace is gone." Jane shakes her head, still confused. "My mom's necklace is missing. I didn't touch it so it must have been him." She points to her brother.

"The chain with your mother's engagement ring on it." Maura says knowingly, her voice soft and sad. Addi just nods as Jane releases her grip and softens her own expression. "You're sure it's gone? You didn't just move it?"

"No!" She yells again, but quickly gains composure of herself. "It's gone. It was on the hook in my bedroom, and now it isn't. It was there yesterday, I'm sure of it."

"Alright, it's alright. We'll find it. But first you need to relax." Jane rubs her hands up and down her daughter's arms. "And apologize to your brother."

"Sorry, Ollie."

"It's okay Ads, I know you're going through a rough time. Why don't I help you look for it?"

"Thanks."

The kids walk up the stairs.

"I don't know what's gonna happen, Maur. I'm seriously worried about her. What do we do?"

Maura shrugs, for once without an answer. "We help her, the best we can."

Upstairs the kids are looking in Addison's bedroom for the necklace.

"That's weird." Addison's voice interrupts the silent search.

"What is?" Ollie looks over to where his sister is standing.

"I could have sworn I shut this window last night."

Both kids look at each other confused but decide to shrug it off and keep looking.


	3. Mommy, Can I Please go out and Kill

_Mommy, Can I Please go out and Kill Tonight?_

Addison and Oliver walk back downstairs after looking for the necklace, with no luck.

"Hey Addi, can you help Mama set the table?"

She nods. The family had decided dinner in would be better after the episode Addison had earlier.

"Hey," Jane says quietly enough so Oliver and Maura can't hear. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just embarrassed." She shrugs. "I should've known that he didn't do anything."

"Did you find it?"

Addison's eyes are swimming with unshed tears as she shakes her head and sniffs.

"I'll help you look some more after dinner." Jane rests her hand on her daughter's shoulder briefly before walking back to the kitchen.

Dinner went smoothly, with little talking from either of the children. Jane and Addison looked for another hour after dinner before finally giving up. Jane and Maura walk into Addison's room before she goes to sleep. She is wrapped in her puffy duvet, hair wet from the shower she just took, holding onto her stuffed turtle, one of the very few physical memories from her old life.

"Hey baby." Maura says gently.

"Hey."

She seems like she is barely aware of her surroundings, distracted by her own thoughts. Maura and Jane lay on either side, wrapping her in hugs, placing gentle kisses on her temple and the top of her head.

"I'm sorry we couldn't find your necklace."

"I just feel like my mom would be really disappointed. It was one of the only things I had left of her, you know?"

"Oh sweetheart, it's not like you did it on purpose. Do not feel guilty about this."

She lays her head on Maura's chest. Her hair is cold against her skin but she is always glad to cuddle with her daughter. Addison holds Jane's hand, the fingertips of her right hand gently roaming over the round scars.

"Mama?"

"Yeah Ads?"

"Thank you for saving me." This seemingly comes out of nowhere until Jane notices that her left hand is resting on her stomach, over her shirt, above where her own scar is.

"No thanks necessary babe, I'd do it a million times over."

"You didn't have to do what you did."

"I was doing my job." She answers honestly.

"Best detective in the world."

"No, my other job. My job as your Mama."

Addison looks up at her mother, with a furrowed brow.

"You weren't my Mama yet." Her voice is curious.

"Not technically, but I think that me and Mom were meant to be your parents after your other parents weren't able to anymore. As soon as I saw you I knew that I needed you to be my little girl. I saw how scared you were, how fragile and vulnerable you were. As soon as I saw you I was your Mama. I felt it in my soul."

"You really felt that way?"

"Absolutely."

"And you still feel that way?"

"Even more so. Don't you ever doubt that, okay?" Addi looks at Maura then back to Jane.

"Me and your Mom would do anything for you and we will spend the rest of our lives protecting you and fighting for you."

"That's right Addison." Maura starts. "We love you very much and we just want you to be safe and happy." She kisses Addi's temple. The young girl closes her eyes reveling in her mothers' embrace.

"I love you both." Addi's voice is quiet as she fights the urge to cry, just as she has for most of the past day and a half.

Addi is lying in her bed, wrapped in her blankets, fast asleep. There is a little bit of moonlight spilling into the room creating dark shadows. A man, tall and lanky, creeps through the shadows, stepping as lightly as possible on the wooden floorboards trying not to make them squeak. He makes his way over to the bed and stands above her for a few moments. He has a scar on his face and his hands are dry and shaky.

He lifts one of them to run through Addison's hair. She doesn't stir so he does it again. This time she moves to her side and her eyes flutter open. It takes only a moment for her eyes to widen in shock and her mouth to open to scream but before any words or sounds can come out one of the man's hands is over her mouth, the other clutching her throat.

"Don't scream."

His voice is as shaky as his hands, deep and maniacal. He takes his hands away and she remains quiet. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls something out although she can't tell what it is in the dark. He gets on the bed and straddles her legs, making it so she can't move. He moves the object to her abdomen and she can very clearly see that it's a pocket knife.

"They took all my stuff away from me when I was thrown in jail." He holds the blade up to the moonlight. "I stole this off some kid in the park, right where you were playing with your brother yesterday." Her eyes widen again. "That Ollie seems like a real nice kid. You've got yourself a good situation here kiddo." She shivers at the nickname; it's the one her dad used to use for her. "Your dyke moms sure seem to love you too. Looks like you owe me, huh?" He leans over and runs his nose up the side of her face. Stopping at her hair and inhaling deeply. "You owe me big time." He sits back up and starts to undo his belt.

Jane bolts up in bed, struggling to catch her breath. Another nightmare.

"Same one?" Maura asks, sitting up next to her wife. Instead of the answer she is waiting for she is met with Jane shaking her head.

"So much worse." She has tears in her eyes and leans over to hug her wife. Maura can tell from this reaction that it must have been much worse than the usual nightmares she suffers from almost every night. She embraces her wife, rubbing circles on her back, waiting for Jane to make the next move. Jane is sniffing and Maura is pretty sure she is actually crying now.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think so." Jane sits back. "This one is going to be hard to shake." Jane throws the covers back and walks down the hallway. This time though her daughter is awake in her bed, staring out the window.

"Hey baby." Jane says softly, so as not to startle Addi.

"Hi Mama, what are you doing up?"

"I had a nightmare, you mind if I lay in here with you for a little while?"

"Of course not." She pulls her blankets back and Jane climbs into the big bed. "It was a really bad one, huh?"

"How'd you know?" Jane asks wrapping her arm around her daughter pulling her tightly into her side.

"You've been crying." She gently runs her cool fingertips under her mother's eyes, a welcomed relief from the heat that came from crying and rubbing her eyes. "It's okay Mama. I'm okay, I'm here." Addi gives a weak smile and Jane can tell she is exhausted.

"I know baby and I am so relieved it was just a nightmare." She kisses the top of her head. "What are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep, just a lot on my mind."

"Yeah, that makes sense." Jane pulls her daughter even closer into her side, making sure that she is actually there, safe and sound.

"Mama, do you think they're really gonna let Wendell Miller out of jail?" Jane isn't looking at her daughter but she knows the exact expression that is on her face; her eyes are wide, eyebrows raised and her mouth is slightly open. It's the expression of a little girl that's too afraid to admit that's afraid.

"God I hope not."

"Me too."

Jane ends up staying in Addison's room for the rest of the night. She couldn't bring herself to leave. She didn't get much sleep afraid that when she closed her eyes she would see the unimaginable behind them, and every time she started to drift off Addison would whimper or toss or turn, breaking her heart even more.

The first glimpse of sunlight is a welcomed relief for Jane. She carefully untangles herself from her daughter's limbs that had tightly wrapped themselves around her at some point throughout the night. She sneaks into her room and changes into running clothes, carrying her sneakers outside before putting them on. She decides a run around the Charles would be a good way for her to clear her head.

The case the team had been working on was a difficult one and she needed to gain some insight on any possible ways to crack it open. Instead she thinks about Wendell Miller and how to make sure the son of a bitch stays where he belongs, solitary confinement. She can't come up with any good defense which frustrates her more. As she runs she can feel her legs start to turn to Jell-O and decides to turn back and head home. Looking at her watch she sees it's almost seven o'clock which means Maura would be up soon if she wasn't already, waiting for her.

When she walks into the house it is quiet which is not surprising, her children are taking advantage of their last few days to sleep in. Maura is in the kitchen brewing coffee, it smells delicious. Even though Jane would never admit it out loud, there is definitely something to be said about French Press coffee. Maura turns as her wife walks into the kitchen in her running attire.

"You went running without me?"

"I figured sleep was more important for you right now." Jane answers, stifling a yawn.

"You didn't sleep much." It isn't a question.

"No, it's going to be a long day." She takes the coffee that is offered to her. "I'm gonna shower."

"Okay, I'm leaving soon. If you're not out before then I'll see you at work."

"Alright, love you."

"I love you too."

When Jane gets out of the shower she decides to check on the kids. Oliver is asleep; this time with headphones in, Addison must have woken him up with her nightmares last night too. She closes his door and walks across the hallway to her daughter's room. She is awake, sitting at her desk which doubles as a vanity. Addi catches a glimpse of her mother through the mirror.

"Good morning baby girl. Couldn't sleep anymore?"

"Nope, you should've woken me up I would've gone running with you."

"I will next time baby. I have to go to work. Make sure your brother doesn't sleep the entire day away alright?"

"Aye aye captain. I'll see you later."

"Bye baby, I love you." Jane closes the door behind her and heads straight to work.

When she walks into the precinct she is met by an annoyed looking Frankie waiting outside of the elevator.

"Good morning?" Jane greets her brother.

"Wendell Miller is up for psychiatric release?"

"Yeah." Frankie raises his eyebrows and waits for his sister's defense.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you, also I hadn't told Addi yet and I honestly don't think anything is going to come of it. So don't get pissy about me not telling you."

"It's kind of big news Janie. How is she?"

"How do you think she is? She's freaked out."

Before they can continue Korsak walks into the room.

"Dead body at River Works, hope you brought your rain boots."

Oliver and Addison decide to go buy their school supplies while their mothers are at work. When they walk into the store Oliver is not surprised to see multiple people from his school.

"Oliver! Hey, what's up man?" Isaac, Oliver's best friend, greets him.

"Not much, how are you? Ready for school to start?"

"Barely." He laughs. "Hey Addi how's it going?"

"Good." She smiles shyly.

"Ollie told me that we're gonna be at the same school starting this year. That's awesome."

"Yeah. It'll be good." She nervously runs her hand through her hair. She has had a crush on Isaac since she met him in the beginning of last year. He is the cooler version of her brother to put it frankly. He was not only extremely smart, funny and nice but also one of the school's best athletes and he's only entering the tenth grade.

"I'll let you two get to it. See you at school."

"See ya." Oliver high fives his friend as they walk their separate ways.

As they're shopping Addison continues to worry about her new school, leaving her friends behind and having to make new ones. School has always been more of a struggle for her than it has been for her brother; he is Maura Isles' son after all. She walks down the pen aisle with her list of necessary school supplies in her hand. With all the things swimming in her head she struggles to focus her eyes on the words written on the piece of paper. She squints as the words spin, then everything starts to spin. The rack of pens and pencils looks like it is about to fall on top of her and crush her. Her breathing starts to quicken and she starts to sway back and forth. She looks around her for her brother but can't find him anywhere which causes more panic. When she looks down to the other end of the aisle the only person she sees is a man. A tall, lanky, dirty man who turns and smiles at her and she knows exactly who it is, Wendell Miller. Her throat closes up completely and she runs out of the store, dropping her list and basket onto the floor.

She falls against the concrete building and clutches her chest. She falls to the ground, pulling her knees up to her chest wrapping her arms around them as tears stream down her face. Oliver saw her run out of the store and chases after her, finding her in this position outside.

"Addi what's wrong?" There is panic in his own voice as he looks around to see if anyone is around that may have said something or done something to her, but he sees no one.

She can't speak, she can barely breathe. She just shakes her head and looks away. Her hyperventilating breath doesn't stop as she continues to rock back and forth, so Oliver does the only thing he can think to do, call his Mama.

Jane's phone is ringing as they stand over the dead body about 100 yards away from the River Works Commuter Rail stop. She takes her gloves off and walks away from the chaos of the crime scene.

"Ollie, what's up buddy, I'm a little busy."

"Mama, you have to come quick, it's Addi." Jane's entire body immediately stiffens.

"What happened? Is she alright?"

Maura's head pops up at the sound of Jane's distressed voice. She walks over to her wife and waits for an indication that everything is okay.

"I don't know. I think she's having a panic attack or something. She can't talk. She just freaked out and ran out of the store."

"Where are you guys?"

"At Staples, the one near our house. Please hurry." He sounds just as scared as Jane is and she forces a calmer more even tone when she speaks again.

"Okay. I will baby. Just stay with her and try to get her to calm down okay? I love you." She hangs up the phone before he can answer and is met by her wife's worried gaze. "It's Addi, I think she's having a panic attack. I have to go."

"I'm coming with you."

"No Maur, you have to make sure they transport the body. We'll be okay until you're done with your work." Before Maura can protest Jane kisses her. "She's gonna be fine." She doesn't know this for sure but she knows Maura wouldn't stay and do what needed to be done if she showed any hesitation. She smiles, a weak, forced, smile then walks as quickly to her car as she can before speeding to the store to pick up her kids.

When she arrives in the parking lot she sees Ollie kneeling next to his sister, talking to her. Addison looks like a mess. She has tear tracks running down her face, her hair is messed up and she is curled up on the ground. She shuts the car off and runs to them as quickly as possible.

"Addi, are you alright baby?"

"She won't talk." Oliver answers for his sister.

"Okay, help me get her up." They pull her up by her arms and help her to the car.

They drive home in silence. Jane watches Oliver, he keeps looking back at his sister who is now sitting in the back seat still silent, shaking, with her feet pulled up on the seat. Jane grips the steering wheel, whitening her knuckles. She searches her brain for every possible situation that could have caused her daughter to fall apart like this.

When Maura gets home she looks around for any sign of her children or her wife and is met with silence. She walks up the stairs and finds Jane and Addison in their bedroom, lying in the bed. Jane has her arms wrapped around their daughter who is staring blankly into the corner of the room. Maura walks over and first attempts to place a hand on Addi's shoulder, and when she allows the touch she places a gentle kiss on her cheek. She has been worried sick about her since Jane got the call from Ollie. She is settled a little by seeing that her daughter is physically okay but there is no comfort knowing how mixed up and crazed her mind is. There is no comfort knowing how much her daughter is hurting, and the fact that there is nothing she can do to fix that.

"How are you doing baby?" Addi just shrugs.

"She hasn't said much since we got her home." Jane says quietly, running her hand through her daughter's hair.

"My stomach hurts." Addi's voice is raspy, tired sounding. To her mothers it is like someone else is speaking, the voice doesn't match the person.

"That's not uncommon after a panic attack." Maura says. "Is anything else hurting you?" She asks entering doctor mode.

"My head and I kind of feel like I'm gonna throw up." Maura nods.

"These are all normal symptoms. You should probably drink some water. You'll feel better in the morning."

"Can you tell us what happened today?" Jane asks delicately, not wanting to destroy the minimal talkativeness from Addison.

"I thought I saw Wendell Miller. In the store. I was looking at my school supply list, and I got a little overwhelmed and then when I turned to look for Ollie I thought I saw him in the aisle with me. I didn't know what to do."

"Oh sweetheart." Maura grabs her daughter's hand and rubs her thumb in circles. "He's in jail, he can't hurt you."

"He's in jail for now. What happens if he gets out?"

"He wouldn't be released into the public, remember? He would move from being locked up in one place to being locked up in another. He won't see the light of day ever again, I promise."

"Why doesn't that make me feel any better?" Addi moves closer to Jane, her protector, as she talks about the man who took her parents from her.

"I wish there was something we could say that would just take it all away. I wish it was that simple but unfortunately the only thing that will make you feel better is time."

"That sucks." Addi answers.

"I know it's unfair sweetheart." Maura says. "But one day you'll wake up and realize that you haven't thought about Wendell Miller in days, or weeks, or months. And when you do think of him it won't be as scary or as painful."

"I don't think that will happen anytime soon."

"Maybe not," Jane starts. "but until it does we'll be here to protect you and do our best to make you feel better. If you feel overwhelmed or nervous or scared, come get us and we'll help the best we can, okay?"

Addi doesn't give a verbal answer. She simply nods and lays her head in the crook of Jane's neck.

"Can I sleep in here with you guys tonight?" She hates herself for asking such a childish question but she knows there would be no sleep again tonight if she had to spend it alone in her bedroom.

"Sure baby." Jane kisses her head and lets her lips linger there.


	4. Dear Agony

_Dear Agony_

It's dark. It's dark and it's cold and Addi can't see anything. She heard two loud bangs and she heard yelling. She pulls the blankets up over her head and cuddles her stuffed turtle tighter in her arms. She waits for her mom or her dad to come get her and tell her everything is okay and that they were just playing a game. She waits and waits until she hears heavy footed steps walking down the hardwood floors in the hallway. Her door squeaks open slowly and light floods her bedroom. She peeks out from under her comforter and sees a shadow shifting back and forth. She hears humming, then whistling as the shadow begins to walk around the room.

"Where oh where could little Addison be?" The stranger's voice asks, as she wonders how this man knows her name. Maybe he's friends with her dad? Where is her dad? "Is she in the closet?" He asks in the same menacing tone, opening her closet door. "Nope." He walks over to the bed and hovers over the lump she is making under the covers. "Is she under the bed?" He bends down to look. "Nope." He stands back up and runs his hand over the blanket, over where her body is and feels the cotton under his palms. "Is she on the bed?"

He rips the blankets off of her and she curls herself into a ball. She pulls her stuffed turtle up to her face to cover her tears.

"Don't cry." He rips the turtle out of her hands and throws it against the wall. "This won't hurt a bit." He gets on the bed and forces her to lay out straight. He sits on her legs so she can't move as he pulls out a large cutting knife, the one with the green handle from her parent's kitchen. He places his left hand over her mouth pressing her head into the pillow and he uses the other hand to lift up her pajama shirt and press the knife's blade into the soft skin of her stomach. "Hold still you little brat or it'll be so much worse for you than it was for your parents." She starts to kick and scream. "Shut up!" He screams in her face. He pulls the knife across her stomach, the blood immediately running out of her, staining her clothes, his clothes and her bed. He lifts the blade above his head, preparing to pull it back down quickly but his wrist is grabbed and he is thrown to the ground by a young, brunette man.

"Freeze! Wendell Miller you are under arrest…" His voice trails off as a woman runs over to Addison and presses a towel against her stomach making it hurt more.

"Stop that hurts! Stop, please stop!" She tries to push the woman's hands away but she holds them there.

"Shh, shh, it's okay baby. My name is Jane Rizzoli, I'm a police officer. We're here to help you, okay? I know it hurts but this is going to help you." She holds the towel tight against the small girl and she whispers something to an older, white haired man who smiles sadly at her. He nods. "We're gonna get you some help." She smiles.

"Where are my mom and dad?" Her smile is gone in seconds as she looks around the room. "Did the bad man get them?" The woman nods.

"I'm so sorry baby. I'm so so sorry."

She tries to get up, to go find her family but she is held down by the woman's other hand.

"Don't move." She extends that same hand. "Just hold my hand, alright? I know you're scared so just squeeze all the fear into my hand, and I'll take it for you." The little girl hesitates but takes the hand and starts to squeeze.

Addison's eyes open quickly. She doesn't move her head but looks around the room. It's still dark out and both of her parents are asleep on either side of her. Jane's hand is resting on her stomach, just above her scar, and Maura is facing towards the door. She takes a few deep breaths, trying to convince herself it was all just a dream, but it happened. It all happened and she will never be able to forget it. She lays her hand on top of Jane's, the hand that saved her life. She squeezes it. Jane stirs,

"You alright baby?" She asks without opening her eyes.

"Yeah Mama, I'm okay." Addi whispers back as she is pulled into Jane tightly.

Addi sits wide awake until the morning comes. Her mom wakes up first, rolling over to look at her daughter. She isn't surprised to see that she's awake. She gives her a sleepy smile which makes Addi smile back. She loves her mother's smile. It was one of the first things she noticed about Maura when she met her. At the time she had just lost her parents and Maura was helping her doctors. As a general rule adults tend to smile at you more after your parents die, they think it will help in some way; and Addi supposes that maybe Maura's smile did help. It was a simple thing but to a seven year old, things don't need to be complicated.

"Good morning sweetheart. How did you sleep?"

"Alright." She bites her lip and questions whether or not she should add this next part, not wanting to worry her mother. "I dreamt about the night it all happened. The nightmare I used to have, it came back."

"I'm sorry." Her words melt into Addi and she feels them inside of her. She knows that her mother truly means it, and yet it still hurts. It hurts to know that no matter how many times someone says that they're sorry, or that they wish they could take it all away, it can never be taken back.

"Thanks."

"What would you like to do today? It's the last day of summer."

This statement makes her stomach churn. Tomorrow is the day that everything changes. She knows it's silly to be making such a big deal about switching schools but making friends was never one of her strong suits; besides she already had friends, great friends, but none of them were coming with her to her fancy new school that Maura insists she goes to. She understands that her mom wants what's best for her, but what if this new school wasn't it?

"I don't care." Is her only reply.

Maura looks at her daughters face, truly looks at it for the first time in quite a while. She can't remember the last time she spent any quality time with her daughter; not just in the car on the way to school, or to practice, or helping her with homework, or distracted by her own work. She notes the bags under her eyes, the sadness in them that hasn't gone away since the day she met her, but seems different now. She hates herself for letting life get in the way of looking out for her daughter.

"I wish I could change things for you." Maura blurts out. Addison's eyes widen at this sudden proclamation. "If I could I would give up everything to take the pain your feeling and feel it for you."

Addison doesn't say anything she just crawls out of the bed and walks out of the room. This is not the reaction Maura was expecting. After a minute or so she can hear the shower start down the hall. She decides to let it go for now. She lays in her bed for another half an hour or so before getting up and getting ready for the day, deciding to allow Jane to sleep as late as she wants. It is after all one of the few Sundays they've had off together in quite a while.

When she walks downstairs Oliver is sitting in the kitchen working on something. She walks up behind him and kisses the back of his head. He smiles and looks at his mother.

"Hi mom. How'd you sleep?"

"Pretty well, how about you?"

"Really well, it was one of the first nights in I don't know how long that I didn't wake up to Addison having a nightmare."

This makes Maura sad. She often forgets that all of this affects Oliver too. Probably because he does such a good job of playing it off as normal, he has had to pretend for so long that now it is pretty much second nature to him.

"I know."

"Is she gonna be okay?"

The worry on his face breaks Maura's heart. She takes the seat next him and runs a hand through his reddish-brown hair that is still messy from sleep.

"I think so. She just needs time to readjust. She is going through a lot of change and stress right now. She just needs our support."

"She knows we love her." He answers proudly.

"Yes, but it never hurts to reassure someone of that. Right?"

"Right." He looks down at the binder in front of him and starts picking at the plastic cover. "I just worry about her."

"You're her big brother. You're supposed to be worried about her. That means you're doing your job right." They both smile and share a soft chuckle. "Are you still working on the same thing from yesterday?"

"No, this is something new. You're not allowed to see it." He blushes slightly but Maura abides and walks back around the island to start making coffee.

Jane walks downstairs an hour or so later.

"Good morning sleepyhead." Maura greets her wife with a beaming smile.

"You're in a good mood this morning." Jane says sleepily, her eyes still mostly closed to the bright sun coming in through all the windows.

"I'm trying to be." Maura says in a more serious tone, Jane just nods understanding what she means.

"Hey Ollie, how you doing buddy?" Jane ruffles his hair, something she has done to him since he was little.

"Good." He is absorbed in whatever he is working on so Jane decides to let him be.

"You seen Addi this morning?"

Maura shakes her head. "Not since she got out of our bed."

"I'll check on her in a little bit."

Jane walks up the stairs a little while later. She walks up to Addi's bedroom door and listens. There is soft music coming from the other side, Jane knocks and hears a barely audible 'come in' before opening the door. Addi is on her bed organizing binders and notebooks, pens, pencils and anything else she could possibly need for school. Her new uniform is hanging on her closet door. Jane leans on the doorframe watching her daughter.

"Do you need something?" Addi asks, with an annoyed hint to her voice.

"Yeah, first for you to watch your tone." Jane says, strictly but not harshly. "Secondly, I came up to see how you were doing. You had a pretty rough day yesterday."

"I'm fine." Addi says, her voice stiff and rude. "Is that it?" She finally looks up at her mother. Jane is taken aback by her daughter's attitude.

"Excuse me." Jane steps into the room. "You will not speak to me like that. If you have something to say you can say it."

"I don't have anything to say."

"Okay, then you can be silent with a better attitude." Jane says before walking out of the room.

Although Jane is incredibly in love with her daughter, their attitudes and stubbornness often clash. They get into arguments and grudge matches much more often than Addison and Maura ever do. They both have a fire within them that makes them care way too much, at least that's always what Maura says when they fight.

"She's in a mood." Jane says, plopping herself down on the couch next to her wife.

"Can you really blame her?"

"Nope. I would be in a mood too if someone murdered my parents and was about to be let out of prison." Maura gives Jane an incredulous look. "What? It's true."

"Yes, but you don't need to put it so crassly."

"I don't think there's any polite way to say it Maur."

"I suppose there isn't."

There's a moment of silence between the two women before Oliver interrupts.

"Mama, Korsak's here."

Oliver is followed into the room by Detective Korsak. He has an uncomfortably sad look on his face.

"What are you doing here Korsak, it's Sunday." Jane greets him.

"I know. I'm sorry to interrupt your day off with the kids, but I thought I should be the one to give this to you." He hands Jane a sealed envelope from the courthouse, and she knows exactly what's inside.

"No." She shakes her head.

"I'm sorry, Jane. I really hoped this wouldn't happen."

"Me too. Thank you for bringing this to us."

"Of course, anytime; I'll let you get back to your day off." He leaves the living room. Jane looks at her wife.

"How the hell are we supposed to tell her this?"

"Addison can you come downstairs please?" Maura calls her daughter from the bottom of the stairs. Jane is pacing across the length of the living room, slapping the envelope against her hand.

"What's going on?" Addi asks, following her mom into the living room. She sits down on the couch, Maura next to her and Jane sits on the coffee table across from both of them.

"We don't really know how to break this news to you," Jane starts, "so we're just gonna tell you." She hands the envelope to her daughter. "Wendell Miller is being let out of prison on psychiatric release. He's being transferred to a mental facility in western Mass. I'm sorry baby."

Addison doesn't speak right away. She stares at the notice that was sent to her, as she was a key witness in the original trial. She reads and rereads the words, 'released on account of psychiatric instability' and 'treatment'.

"So he gets help and what do I get?"

"I know it's not fair."

"No, it's more than just not fair. It's unjust." She stands up and starts pacing quickly back and forth. "It's morally wrong and stupid. That man murdered six people, two of them were kids and two of them were my parents. He's a monster and monsters don't deserve kindness, they deserve to be locked up." Tears start to pool in her eyes.

"Addi-"

"I have stuff I have to do." She slaps the envelope onto the coffee table and walks back upstairs.

"What do we do?" Jane asks her wife, not taking her eyes off of the staircase.

"We let her be. I know that's hard for you." Jane turns giving her a look. "It is and you know it too. You worry about her, and of course so do I, but sometimes it's better for her to be left alone to think things out."

"You're right."

"Aren't I always?' Maura asks, wrapping her wife in a hug, giving her a kiss on the lips.

"Dr. Isles is getting cocky."

"Simply just stating facts." Jane scoffs, kissing her wife again.

It's a rare moment when the two of them can be alone together. They're usually at work or have the kids around or are too tired to even blink. They sit on the couch, entangled in one another enjoying the silence of the house. The moment would be perfect if it weren't for the guilt they are both feeling. Their daughter is upstairs dealing with something they can only imagine and they are completely helpless.

"She'll be okay." Jane says, mostly to herself but she feels her wife nod against her chest.


	5. Lonely Day

_Lonely Day_

It's six in the morning when Addison's alarm clock goes off. She was up half the night thinking about Wendell Miller and the other half thinking about her first day of high school. She forces herself out of bed and into the shower. When she gets out she is met by a very tired looking Oliver,

"Morning." He greets her

"Hey." Is all she says back.

She goes back into her bedroom and stares at her uniform hanging up. She rolls her eyes before putting it on. She's never been the girly-girl type so the skirt does not suit her at all. The blazer is too loose and so is the sweater. The socks come up to her knees but don't cover the bruises from soccer. She pulls her hair into a ponytail and covers the bags under her eyes the best she can with concealer, although they're still very visible. She walks downstairs and her mothers both turn around to look at her.

"Good morning sweetheart." Maura decides to test the waters. Addi doesn't say anything. She instead grabs an apple from the fruit bowl and grabs her backpack from the front hall. Oliver walks down the stairs a few minutes later with his backpack and his trombone case.

"Ready for your first day?" He asks now fully awake.

"You're giddy." She says this like her voice leaves a sour taste in her mouth.

"I'll take that as a maybe." He says as he grabs his lunch from the table and Addison does the same.

"You guys ready to go?" Jane asks, grabbing her keys and kissing Maura.

"Have a good first day. I'll be there to pick you up after school." Maura says happily, ignoring her daughter's attitude.

When they pull up to the school Addison's whole stomach clenches like she's been punched. She can't stop shaking. As she looks at all the kids talking to each other outside of the school she closes her eyes. She wills herself to open the car door and not show her brother or her Mama that she's terrified.

"Have a good day guys, I'll see you tonight."

A few guys call Oliver over to them. He looks at his sister to see that she's okay. She nods for him to go be with his friends. He hesitates for a moment but walks towards the small group of kids.

"Look girls, fresh blood." A girl says with a nasally voice. Addi looks over at her, she is in the middle of a huddle of girls that all look the same; long straight hair, full face of makeup, and ribbons in their hair. "This will be fun." She says as the other girls laugh.

Addison swallows around the lump in her throat and continues walking. She opens her schedule that Maura printed out for her and starts looking for her first class. She's pleased to see that it's English, her best subject. She walks into a classroom and is surprised to see the teacher already there.

"Oh hello." He is a good looking guy, tall, tan and a bright smile. "You're early." He says checking his watch.

"Sorry, I-" She starts to back out of the room but he stops her.

"No, no that's okay. I like a student who's prepared." He stands up and reaches out his hand. "I'm Dr. Pierce, what's your name?"

"Addison Rizzoli-Isles." She shakes his hand.

"Of course, I had your brother Oliver last year." She nods her head, "He was one of my best students." She smiles, she already knew that. "Your seat is going to be," He picks up his seating chart, "third from the front in this row." He points to a desk.

She sits down, hanging her backpack from the back of the chair, pulling out her notebook and a pen. The quiet in the room is uncomfortable, so she clears her throat and asks,

"What's your doctorate in?"

"Sorry?" He looks up from reading the newspaper.

"You said your name is Dr. Pierce, what's your doctorate in?"

"Doctorate of Arts in English. It's no match for your mother's degrees I bet." Addison smiles.

"You're probably right." She looks at him with a furrowed brow. "You know my mom?"

"I did. In high school." Before he can say anything else the class bell rings.

The students file in. As they walk in Dr. Pierce tells them where to sit. Addison notices the blonde girl from outside, when she walks up to him he points directly behind Addison.

"Of course." She whispers to herself.

"Like I said," the girl starts, " _fun._ " Her tone is menacing, and Addison wonders what she could have possibly done to become this girl's target.

Throughout the entire period Addison can feel the girl's eyes on the back of her neck and can't focus on anything else. After class is over, the students start to leave. The girl walks by Addison's desk and swipes her notebook and pen off the desk, resulting in a small clatter. She looks up and the girl is smiling, she bends down close to Addison's face.

"You might want to pick that up."

She flips her hair and walks out of the room. The same girl, along with a few of her friends, are in Addison's following three classes and she has learned her name is Lauren. She can't figure out why she is their target but the whispers, snide comments, and staring are all becoming a little too much for her to deal with. Addison is relieved when lunch comes around and she has the same lunch period as her brother and Isaac. She rushes over to their table and sits down.

"Hey Addi, how's your first day going?" Isaac asks with a smile and she can't help but smile back.

"Not so good." She notices Lauren and her friends walk by and sit down a few tables away, staring at her the whole time. "Do you know them?" She asks Isaac who has been in private schools his whole life and has been through most of his schooling with a majority of the same kids.

"Yeah that's Lauren O'Connell her brother is in our grade." He says, tossing a potato chip into his mouth. "Why?"

"No reason, I've just been seeing her around a lot today."

"Yeah, her brother's pretty cool. I don't know her though."

"Lucky." She whispers to herself.

Oliver notices the saddened expression on her face but doesn't say anything in such a public forum. He isn't sure if it's the school day that has her upset or the news she got the day before and either way he doesn't want to open up a can of worms.

The rest of the day continues on the same track. She has another two classes with Lauren but is pleased when her last two are without her; theater and algebra. She didn't want to take theater but the forensic class is reserved for upper classmen and the guitar class was full. As for algebra, math has never been, nor will it ever be, her strongest subject. She is just happy that Lauren and her groupies aren't there to make it any harder for her.

* * *

At the end of the day Addi finds Oliver in the school lobby and they walk out to the car pickup line together. Addi practically runs to her mother's car and gets into the back seat as Oliver puts his stuff in the trunk.

"Hi sweetheart, how was the first day?" Addi answers with only a shrug, not looking at her mother.

Oliver gets in the front seat and talks the entire way home with Maura about his classes, his friends, his teachers and a bunch of other stuff that Addison doesn't listen to. When they pull into their driveway Addison grabs her backpack and sprints into the house, running upstairs shutting her bedroom door behind her.

"Do you know what's going on with your sister?" Maura asks her son.

"Not really, I don't think she had the best day, but she didn't say anything specifically to me." He shrugs, setting up at the kitchen island to do homework.

"Okay, just please keep an eye on her until me and Mama get home later."

"I will." She kisses the back of his head before leaving to go back to work.

When Maura arrives back at the police station she takes the elevator to the fifth floor. She reaches Jane's desk, places the coffee cup on it and kisses her wife's cheek. Jane is fully immersed in something on her computer screen. After a few more seconds of reading she snaps out of it, turning to look at her wife with a smile that makes Maura's heart melt.

"Hi beautiful."

"Hi, are you busy?" Maura asks, leaning against Jane's desk.

"Not too busy for you. How are the kids?"

"Oliver is as happy as can be. He seemed to have had a great first day. Addison on the other hand…"

"She still isn't talking?"

Maura shakes her head negatively.

"I'm worried about her Maur. Usually she would have talked to us by now, you know?"

"I know, but she's getting older now. Teenagers don't typically run to their parents for every little thing."

"These aren't little things, these are very, very big things; and besides Addison isn't a typical teenager. She's had a lot of traumatic things happen to her that don't happen to every other kid." Jane pauses, her expression a desperate saddened one. "Should we be worried?"

Jane's maternal instincts have been in overdrive lately and she isn't quite sure how to turn them off.

"I don't know."

Hearing these words from Maura is always unsettling. She usually has a statistic or a trivial fact to back up whatever parenting situation they found themselves in. She usually had some comforting words for her wife but this time she had nothing. Jane takes her wife's hand in hers and squeezes it.

"We will figure this out." Maura says, squeezing back. "We will, I promise." She gives a weak smile.

"You look tired." Jane says quietly. "Gorgeous, but tired."

"I am, but there is work to be done. I'll be in my office if you need me for anything." She kisses her wife's cheek and walks out of the room.

Jane watches her go and as soon as she leaves the room it's like someone shut a light off. It feels darker and sadder without her in it. Any source of comfort she had just been feeling has vanished and she looks back at her computer screen absentmindedly drinking her coffee. This case has been hell for the entire team and it isn't nearly finished. There are no clues and the killer isn't slipping up, which at this point is their only hope of finding him.

* * *

A few hours later, around six o'clock, Jane rubs her eyes and looks up from her computer where she has been completing paperwork. She stands up, stretches her back and grabs her jacket. She drives home in silence, both exhausted and worried. When she walks in the front door she is met with the smell of food, and it smells delicious.

"Hi Mama." Oliver greets her from the kitchen where he is standing over the stove.

"Hi baby, what smells so good?" Jane greets her son.

"Chicken, veggies and potatoes." He grins proudly. "I finished my homework early so I decided to make everyone dinner." Jane hugs him.

"Where's your sister?" she asks, smiling at her son.

"I think in her room. I haven't seen her since we got home."

This worries Jane even more. Usually Addi is hanging around downstairs doing anything to avoid her homework after school.

"Keep cookin' I'll be right back." She starts up the staircase. She doesn't hear any noise from the kids' end of the hallway.

She walks into Addison's room and is surprised to find her asleep. She is sprawled across her bed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, her uniform thrown on the floor, and a book on her chest. Jane sighs. These past few days have definitely been restless ones for her daughter. It breaks her heart knowing that there is nothing she can do to help her. She grabs a quilt from the bottom of the bed and drapes it over her daughter, causing her to stir a bit. Her eyes flutter open and she jumps at the sight of someone in her room.

"It's just me Ads. It's okay." She soothes her daughter, who instantly calms down at the sound of her voice.

"Hi Mama, how was work?" Jane kicks off her shoes and cuddles next to her daughter.

"Honest?" Addi nods. "It wasn't so good. How was school?"

"Honest?" Jane nods. "My day wasn't so good either." Her head falls onto Jane's shoulder and she runs her hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry to hear that baby. You wanna talk about it?" She feels Addi shake her head. "Okay. We don't have to. Is there anything you wanna talk about?" Addi shakes her head again. "Okay. Are you hungry? Your brother made dinner." Addi's head lifts up at the mention of food which makes Jane chuckle softly.

"Then why are we still sitting here?" For just a second there is a glimpse of the old Addi and Jane can't help but smile at her.

They reach the bottom of the staircase at the same time that Maura walks through the front door. She smiles at the sight of her daughter, sleepy eyed, her hair a mess, but most importantly a smile on her face.

"Hey stranger." She greets Addison.

"Hi mom." She walks over to her, wrapping her in a tight hug. Maura offers the exact warm and comfort she needs after a day like today. Maura runs her hands up and down her back and kisses her temple. She quickly looks to her wife who shrugs and walks into the kitchen.

"Something smells delicious." Maura says quietly into her daughter's ear.

"I know right." Addison releases her grip on her mom and walks into the kitchen.

Maura isn't sure what changed in the time that she dropped Addison off at home and now, but whatever it is she is grateful for it. She knows that her daughter is in the middle of a healing process, a process which is going to take a very long time. She knows that she won't be changed overnight, but for this night in particular she is happy, and that's all she can ask for.


	6. Blues Run the Game

Blues Run the Game

Addi walks into school. It has been two weeks and they have felt longer than any other. Lauren and her posse have been relentless in their mocking. Addi has never felt more isolated than she does while she's at school. She misses her friends and the only thing on her mind is Wendell Miller. The only saving grace is her brother and even he isn't around much, just at lunch and every now and then in the hallways.

"Alright guys, I am handing back the tests that you took on Tuesday. Remember these aren't for much of a grade but more to see where everyone is in regards to the material." Dr. Pierce says as he starts placing papers on students' desks.

He smiles at Addi as he places hers in front of her. She turns it around and there is a 98% on the top in red ink. That's the highest grade she's ever gotten. A smile creeps onto her face, her first one in a few days. That is until she hears a scoff in her ear. She looks at Lauren who flips her hair and says "loser", loud enough for everyone around them to hear. Addi flips her paper back over and slumps down lower in her seat.

After school Oliver and Addison get into Maura's car. She smiles at her daughter who makes herself as small as possible in the backseat and looks out the window. Maura and Jane are at a complete loss as to what to do for their daughter. She is extremely sad and withdrawn; more so than ever. She spends most of the time in her room, she hasn't gone to play soccer or out with her friends and they are worried she is never going to recover from this.

"Maybe we should switch her back to Boston Public, Maur." Jane says rubbing her middle and index fingers on her temples.

"This school is an incredible stepping stone towards college. I would hate to see her pass that up." Maura defends.

They have been dancing around this subject since the news of Wendell Miller was released to them.

"I just don't want to see this destroy all the progress she's made since she's been with us. You know? I just want to see her continue on that path, not this one."

"I know, me too." Maura walks over to her wife and places her hand on her thigh, standing only slightly taller than her seated wife. "But do you think changing schools would really make a difference? I'm not so sure it would."

"I have no idea." Jane shakes her head. "I'm just so scared for her."

"I know you are." Maura kisses her wife's forehead, running a hand through her dark brown curls.

Addi is listening to her parents from the middle of the staircase. They have had this conversation multiple times over the past few days. She's been trying to work up the courage to tell them what's been going on at school with Lauren and the other girls but she is worried. She's worried they'll think she's a loser too. She hasn't been able to tell them that she hasn't made a single friend. She hasn't even told Oliver about everything that's happening.

She walks into the kitchen.

"Hey kiddo." Jane says nonchalantly as if they hadn't just been talking about her.

"Hi Mama." She greets back, her voice quiet. She gives her best smile. She walks over to Maura and welcomes her embrace.

She is small for fourteen years old but incredibly beautiful. Her doctors believe that the trauma may have caused a delay in her development. She is skinny and looks closer to twelve years old; which in this age group is a rather large physical difference. Maura rubs her hands in soft circles on her back. Addi's breathing evens out in the comfort of her mom's arms. Over her head Maura and Jane share worried glances. Addi certainly has not been an easy kid to raise; after suffering from such trauma and all of her learning and behavioral issues. This case may be the hardest one yet. Neither Jane nor Maura feel equipped to handle this but they have to.

"How was school baby?" Maura asks, not letting go.

"It was alright."

"Yeah?" Jane asks. She looks into her daughter's backpack which is sitting on the chair next to her. The test is peaking out and she pulls it out. "102?" She asks startled. "That more than alright if you ask me. That's incredible." She says expecting a smile to creep out at least a little bit.

She is shocked when Addi rips the paper out of her hands and crumples it up.

"Don't go into my backpack."

"Excuse me, you want to try that again?"

"Don't go into my backpack." She says more harshly this time.

"Upstairs. Now." Jane says, using her right hand to point up the stairs.

"My pleasure."

Addi stomps up the wooden staircase and a moment later her door slams causing both of her mothers to jump.

"Oh God." Jane says with her head in her hands. "I'm so worried about her Maur."

That night Addi is lying in bed. She is holding the letter that came from the courthouse about Wendell Miller. She could probably recite it from memory by now but she continues to read it until she falls asleep.

At around one in the morning, or a little after, she hears a sound that stirs her from her sleep. The door in her room is open but it was closed when she went to sleep. She gets up, wiping the sleep from her eyes. She looks around her room but sees nothing, she walks down the hallway to her parents' room but they are both asleep and Oliver was definitely asleep when she walked by his room. She is confused but blames it on her exhaustion. She starts back down the hallway to her room but stops when she hears another noise; this time coming from the bathroom.

She walks as slowly as possible toward it. She hesitates outside of the bathroom. She thinks for a second about getting Jane but takes a deep breath and pushes the already ajar door open fully. She sighs in relief when the only thing she sees is the curtain blowing in the wind of the open window. She shuts the light off and walks back to her room. She lies down in her bed, wrapping herself in her comforter and quickly falls back to sleep.

The next day is Saturday, which means very little work for Jane and Maura. Usually Saturday's are family days but Oliver is off with a few friends working on a science project at the beach and Addi has yet to show her face. Jane and Maura are sitting in silence in the kitchen. Jane is drinking coffee and Maura is sipping tea while reading the morning paper.

"Morning." A little voice greets them.

They both turn to look at their daughter, surprised that she's speaking to them. She walks over to the refrigerator to get some juice.

"Ads, what happened to you?" Jane asks, walking up behind her.

"What do you mean?" She feels her Mama's hand on her neck.

"You have blood on the back of your neck here."

"What?" Addi runs her hand over the spot and feels something like dry skin or a peeling sunburn. She rubs at it, trying to get it off.

"Hang on, hang on." Jane says grabbing her hand to stop her.

Maura is standing behind her now as well. She is checking Addi over for any injuries that may have caused bleeding.

"That's strange." The doctor says with a furrowed brow. "No sign of injury."

"You're sure you didn't cut yourself or scratch at it?"

"Maybe in my sleep?" Addison responds just as confused as her parents. She shrugs and takes a sip of juice. "I'm gonna go shower. That's gross." She says, clearly in a much better mood than the night before.

While in the shower Addi scrubs the back of her neck until she can be sure it's all gone. As she continues to clean the rest of her body she notices finger shaped bruises on her upper arms and feels raised marks or scratches on her neck. The soap makes them sting so she rinses it off quickly. She has a gut wrenching feeling that something is not right; she's almost certain she didn't do this to herself. She washes her hair and gets out of the shower. She changes into a sweatshirt to hide the marks and sweatpants. It's warm outside but she's cold for some reason, a chill down her spine that she hasn't been able to shake since Jane placed her hand on the back of her neck.

She walks back downstairs to find Maura sitting on the couch, a scientific documentary on the television turned down really low. She smiles at her and Addi feels an awkward shyness wash over her.

"Hi sweetheart, how was your shower?"

"Much needed."

Addi cuddles up to the side of her mom. Her wet hair smells like honey and her body is warm. They sit in silence for quite a while.

"I yelled at Mama." Addi says with a guilty tone. "I yelled at her for no reason. She was just trying to congratulate me and I snapped at her."

"Yes, you did."

"I feel horrible."

"You need to apologize."

"I know. I just-" Maura looks with concern at her daughter. "I feel like I'm losing control." The wideness of her eyes shows Maura that even she is surprised by these words.

"What do you mean?" Maura grabs Addi's hand with her own. She runs her thumb over the knuckles and looks into Addison's beautiful eyes.

"I feel like any second I could go from happy to pissed off or sad to excited, and there's no way of knowing when it's going to happen or why. I feel a little like I'm going crazy." Her voice waivers as she speaks. Tears sit at the back of her throat and she wipes at her eyes even though they're dry.

"You've gone through something that very few people have. It's understandable that you're having a hard time." Addi keeps the eye contact but squirms, clearly uncomfortable at where this conversation has gone. "You need to know that no matter what, no matter how much you yell at us or how sad you get we will always be there for you; me and Mama both. That's what we signed up for. You're ours forever, no matter what."

Tears spring to Addison's eyes.

"You mean it?"

"More than anything I've ever said." She pulls her little girl into her arms.

Jane is often seen as the protector in their family due to her occupation and her overall personality, but in times like these Maura's arms could be just as protective. Addi revels in the warmth of her mom, the smell of her perfume, her hair tickling her forehead. Maura's light was what drew Addi to her when she was little. She opened up to Maura about things more often than she did with Jane. Deep down she already knew everything Maura just said was true. She knew it all, or else she would never have yelled at Jane like she had. But she still needed to hear it every once in a while.

"When will this get better?" Her eyes are pleading as she looks up at Maura.

Maura wants to be able to tell her that everything will be fine. She wants to be able to tell her that Wendell Miller is rotting in prison and her parents are alive and she will be happy every minute of every day but she can't say any of that. She settles for a shrug and a:

"I don't know. I wish I could put a time table on it, but grieving is something that's different for every single person."

"Grieving?"

"Yes. Grieving your parents, grieving the idea that Wendell Miller would stay in prison; grieving doesn't only apply to death. It can apply to many things."

"And it's different for everybody?"

"And for everything. I can't promise when you'll feel better but I can promise one day you'll wake up and you _will_ feel better."

"Have you ever gone through something like this?"

"Everyone goes through something they wish they didn't have to bear. But the most important thing to remember is that you are never alone in whatever it is you're dealing with. That's why me and Mama and Oliver are all here." Maura gives a sweet, reassuring smile, cupping her daughter's cheek. "We all grieve. We all need time to get over some things."

Addi nods as the front door opens and shuts swiftly. The young girl jumps up from the couch and right over to Jane. She squeezes her into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you Mama."

Her words melt Jane's heart as she places her hand on the back of her daughter's head to pull her closer into the crook of her neck. She releases the hug and Addison smiles an uncertain half smile.

"It's okay baby, I forgive you."

Addi runs up the stairs leaving the two women alone.

"What was that about?"

"I think she's starting to understand." Maura simply says, Jane waits for her to continue but she doesn't. She scoffs and sits down next to her wife.

"Understand what?"

"That her feelings are valid." Jane smiles

"You're incredible. She's lucky to have you."

"You too." Maura says, laying her head down on her wife's shoulder.


	7. Everybody's Something

Everybody's Something

Addi is sitting at her desk early the next morning, in her first period class, English. She is absent mindedly spinning her bracelet around her wrist. It's a gorgeous silver bracelet with two heart charms; one with a D on it and one with an E on it, for her parents' names, Daniel and Elizabeth. Maura and Jane got it for her for Christmas the year after she went to live with them and she very rarely takes it off.

"Are you going to try out?" Dr. Pierce asks her and she is pulled, rather roughly, from her thoughts.

"What?"

"For soccer, are you going to try out?" She looks to where his finger is gesturing. She has a flyer for the soccer team try outs on her desk in front of her.

She shrugs, letting her head flop to one side.

"You should. There are numerous studies that suggest physical activity for young women your age-"

"Now I know why you and my mom were friends in high school." She interrupts him with a cheeky smile.

"I never said we were friends."

"Rivals?" She raises a conspiratorial eyebrow.

"You'll have to ask your mother about all that." He smiles a gentle smile back at her.

She'd be lying if she said she hadn't thought about what kind of relationship Maura had with Dr. Pierce when they were young. Although she didn't want to ask questions she wouldn't want the answers to. She didn't want to make her favorite class, the only good thing about her new school, weird. They both sit in silence until the class bell rings. She had made this a routine, going to class early to avoid standing around outside with kids who very clearly did not want her in their school.

She quickly shoves the soccer flyer into her backpack before Lauren sees it and gets ammunition for her self-proclaimed war. Much to her surprise Lauren doesn't show up for class at all, or any of their other classes for the rest of the day. Her minions are nearly lifeless without her throughout the day, lacking any sense of personality at all. The quiet is nice and Addi is able to focus on her classes; she relaxes in her desk chair, raises her hand to answer a few questions, and even goes up to the board to show her work in math class.

After school Maura picks her and her brother up out front, like always. Maura does a double take to the back seat when she sees a smile on Addison's face.

"How was school?"

"It was good." Addi says simply.

Oliver and Addison set up to do their homework at the island in the kitchen. They work in silence for quite a while until Oliver starts shifting in his seat a lot and looking back and forth between his sister and his book.

"What?" Addi asks without looking up from her own work.

"Nothing." He says quickly. He looks back down at his work but continues to fidget in his chair.

"Oliver, what is it?" This time she looks up and he makes eye contact with her.

He looks unsure, his eyes are squinted behind his glasses and he rubs the back of his neck with his hand.

"What's going on?"

"Um, I was just, uh, I was just going to ask, how you…" He pauses to get his words in order. "I was wondering how you talk to someone you like." He spits out rather quickly.

This takes Addi by surprise. She always assumed that she would be the first one to date somebody. She smiles at him, a genuine smile, usually there would be a smirk or a sarcastic comment but she puts those aside once she sees how nervous he is.

"I don't know, just like you would with anyone else I guess." She shrugs.

The truth is she isn't really sure. She has only had two crushes in her life. Her first crush was on this kid Matthew at her old school the year before but she never got anywhere with him really, and then of course, there's Isaac who barely knows she exists.

"Just talk about stuff you like, figure out what they like, and then go from there."

"So you're saying to use common interests in order to gain rapport?"

"Um, sure." She smiles and gives a breathy laugh. "I think you might be over thinking it a little bit." He nods and looks back down at his paper. "Who's the lucky girl?"

"No one you know." He says back quickly.

She doesn't press any further. Oliver is pretty stand offish even with her. She knows never to make him talk about something he doesn't want to talk about or they'll never get anywhere; it's better to let him come to her.

They finish their homework in only a few short hours. They settle on watching television until their parents get home. Maura makes it home first. She walks through the front door and drops her bag and keys on the coffee table. She kisses both her children on the cheek.

"Hi babies." They both smile

"Hi mom, how was the rest of your day?" Oliver asks politely.

"Busy. Is your homework done?" She asks, mostly to her daughter. Both of them nod. "I'm going to start on dinner, Mama should be home soon. What would you two like?"

"Doesn't matter to me." Addi says, slinging her legs over the arm rest, setting her head on a pillow up against her brother.

"Me either."

"Well that makes it easy for me."

She loves watching her children interact, even doing simple things like watching television. She always wanted to give Oliver a younger sibling, but when Addi came along they didn't exactly click right away. It took time but now they are closer than any of their friends are with their siblings.

Maura goes into the kitchen to start on dinner. Oliver and Addi start flipping around channels and settle on the end of a sitcom. Jane walks through the door a little while later and boisterously greets her children.

"Hey kiddos!" She basically yells. "How was school?"

"It was good." They both say, staring at the television like it had taken over their minds.

Jane scoffs and shakes her head, entering the kitchen to grab a beer and kiss her wife. The floor plan of their house is very open; the living room and the kitchen are one giant room, separated by the island counter and some other furniture. The sound of the television carries into the kitchen where the two women cut up vegetables and steal little kisses and touches any chance they get.

"Addi, sweetie it's your night to set the table." Maura calls to her daughter.

"Alright." Addi hops off the couch and bounces over to grab the plates and silverware.

"You're in a good mood tonight." Jane says, giving a knowing smirk to her wife.

"Yeah, it was a good day today."

Both women smile, Addi was in desperate need of a good day. They don't ask questions but just enjoy their little girl's smile, the one they've missed so much. When they all sit down for dinner they do the usual; ask about each other's day, Jane and Maura banter about work, Addi avoids eating her vegetables because tonight is Brussel sprouts and she could never quite stomach the smell. Jane revels in her little family. She feels the warmth in the room as they chat happily about their day.

"I think I'm going to try out for soccer." Addi says, her voice muffled by her cup as she takes a sip of her water.

"I think that's an excellent idea." Maura agrees immediately.

"Yeah kid, that's great."

"I figured just because those kids don't want me in their school, that doesn't mean I don't deserve to be there just as much as they do."

"What do you mean? What kids?" Jane's protective instincts kick in immediately. "Is someone giving you a hard time?"

Addison's guilty expression gives her away. She swallows her food and shakes her head, giving a half-hearted smile.

"Don't worry Ma. It's nothing I can't handle."

"You're sure everything's okay?"

Addi doesn't speak, she just nods her head. The truth is she isn't sure but she doesn't want to show how weak she is. She wants to be strong like her moms and she wants to fit in and excel like her brother.

After dinner Addi goes to shower and Oliver goes up to his room to work on a project. Jane and Maura place the remaining dishes into the dish washer.

"Do you think she's alright?" Jane asks

"I'm not sure. She seemed okay tonight."

"Yeah but now the rest of it, the last week, makes so much more sense. The mood swings, her being so closed off." Jane rubs her hands together, a nervous habit. Maura grabs her hands in her own warm, steady ones and squeezes.

"I can't say anything about the other kids but I know that Addi won't let this, whatever it may be, defeat her. She's strong, like you, Jane."

"And like you."

Maura smiles and locks her eyes into her wife's.

"You can't take a compliment, can you?"

"Could I ever?" Maura shakes her head. "Why start now?"

Jane pulls her wife into a hug and they stay there, swaying gently back and forth, for quite a while. The chaos of the day, the stress of their children and their careers slip away as they hold each other.

"Hey Mama," Addi walks back into the room but stops when she sees her mothers in a tight embrace. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah baby everything's fine. What's up?"

And just like that, their moment is gone and they switch back into parenting mode. Maura can't help but stare at Jane. The way she looks at her daughter is intoxicating; there is so much love and devotion in her eyes. Jane keeps one of Maura's hands in her own as she talks to Addi.

"Could we go get me a new set of chin guards? Remember the band on my left one snapped?"

"Yeah we can do that."

"Okay cool. Thanks."

"Anytime kiddo." Jane reaches her arms out. "Come here."

Addi enters the embrace willingly. Jane whispers something into her ear that Maura can't hear. She nods and looks at her mother intensely. Not with anger or disappointment, but with acceptance and reassurance. Maura knows that it's about her troubles at school. Jane won't be able to let that go until she's sure it's resolved. She also knows that Addi won't ask for help until the situation gets dire, and that scares her.


	8. Comes and Goes (In Waves)

Comes and Goes (In Waves)

The next week flies by for Addison. She tries out for the soccer team and makes it onto the varsity team. Practices have started and she has even started to make friends with some of the girls on the team. Not to mention the fact that Lauren hasn't returned back to school. Addison is curious where she is but doesn't bother to ask.

After practice Addi walks home by herself. She cuts through the Boston Commons, and her mind goes back to the nightmares she's had. Wendell Miller has crept into her dreams more and more often lately; he follows her wherever she goes, the park is just one of those places. She rushes through the grass and up onto her street.

September has started to creep in, fall just around the corner. The sun isn't as hot as it was a week ago and the trees are starting to change colors. Addi can smell the crispness in the air, knowing that in a few short weeks it will be too cold to walk home without a jacket. Fall in Boston is one of the few things Addison has always found joy in, she used to be able to sit in the commons for hours and listen to the rustle of the leaves, watching the dried, dead ones fall to the ground and get crunched under people's feet.

When she walks through the door her cheeks sting slightly with the contact of the warmth; she finds her brother at the kitchen island. He shuffles some papers into his binder and shuts it quickly. Addi gives a quizzical look; she crosses her arms and leans against the doorframe.

"Whatcha doing?"

"None of your business." His voice is curt, almost guilty.

"Seriously?" She moves closer, taking the seat next to her brother. "Come on Ollie."

"It's none of your business." His voice is harsher this time.

"Sorry." She lifts her hands in surrender.

Oliver gathers his stuff and rushes upstairs. Addi follows him. She listens outside of his door but hears nothing other than a similar ruffling of papers. She grabs her towel from her bedroom and takes a shower. When she closes her eyes she sees Wendell's face, she hears his gruff voice, and feels the ripping pain through her stomach. She sits down on the floor of the bathtub and lets the water hit her in the face.

Maura bangs on the door several times with no answer. Her heartbeat quickens as she imagines her daughter knocked out in the shower, or passed out on the bathroom floor. She bangs a few more times before remembering the key above the door for emergencies. She unlocks the door to find Addi asleep in the shower; the water is freezing cold, her lips are purple, and her skin has goosebumps all over it.

"Addison, sweetheart, wake up." Maura shakes her shoulder, shutting the water off.

She grabs the towel from the hook as Addi rouses from her sleep. She shivers and her jaw quakes. Maura wraps the towel around her shoulders, running her hands up and down her arms quickly to warm her up.

"Are you alright? What happened?" Maura's eyes are wide, worry etched into her forehead.

"Uh, yeah, I think so. I feel asleep." Addi shakes her head.

"Go get dressed in some warm clothes and we'll talk after."

Addi walks quickly into her room to find the warmest pair of sweatpants she owns.

"It was awful Jane. At first I thought she had passed out." Maura rubs her eyes as she recounts what she found in the bathroom only moments before.

Jane pulls her wife into a hug and kisses the top of her head. She squeezes her arms tight around Maura's waist for a second before letting her go and looking into her eyes.

"She's going to be okay, right?"

Before Jane can answer Addi walks into the room. Her hair is tied up into a high bun and she is in sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt. Her hands are hidden in her sleeves, covering her mouth. Her eyes are cast down as she shuffles towards her Mama who is standing with her arms outstretched. She cuddles into Jane's side, searching for warmth to soothe the chill running up and down her spine.

"You alright baby?" Jane whispers into her ear. Addi nods.

"I didn't mean to scare you mom."

Maura just smiles and runs her hand up and down Addi's back.

"I guess I just haven't been sleeping well the past few nights and it just caught up to me."

"Are you sure that's all it is?" Jane asks. "You're feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I promise."

Oliver comes down the stairs and enters the kitchen. His hair is a wild mess on top of his head and his clothes are wrinkled.

"What's going on?" He asks, walking over to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water.

"Nothing." Jane says.

"What happened to you? You're a mess." Addi says with her usual dryness.

"And you're rude." Oliver shoots back.

This is wildly out of character for him. Usually he is reserved and polite, just like Maura, but today it's like a switch has been flipped.

"It's not rude if it's true."

"That's not how that works." Jane interrupts the tense conversation between the children. "Ollie is your homework done?"

"Not yet, but I'll get it done soon."

"What about you young lady? What do you have for homework tonight?"

"A page of math problems, a history worksheet and I should start on my English essay."

"Hop to, I want you in bed early tonight." Jane eyes her daughter, noting the bags under her eyes.

Dinner time comes quickly and all four members of the family sit down together. Jane and Maura talk about work and both of the kids stay quiet, both in deep thought. Ollie has been plagued by a million questions lately, more so than usual. He is a naturally curious kid but he can usually find answers to the questions he has, this time he can't.

Addi can't shake a strange feeling she's been feeling. She rubs her eyes and puts her chin in her hand.

"You tired kiddo?" Jane runs a hand over her daughter's hair. Addi nods and takes her plate to the sink.

"I'm gonna go to bed."

"Okay baby, I'll be up in a minute to say goodnight." Maura says.

Jane kisses her daughter's cheek before she walks up the stairs.

"Hey Oliver, you alright buddy?" Jane asks.

"Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind lately."

"Anything we can help you with?"

"No I don't think so." He brings his own plate to the sink. "I still have some work to do. I'm gonna go to my room."

"Okay sweetie." He disappears up the stairs leaving both women looking at each other.

"Should we be worried about him now? That was not the usual Ollie."

"I'm sure he's fine, Maur. He's a teenager, and he's the only boy in a house full of women. That can't be easy." Jane hugs her wife. "Now go kiss your daughter good night. I have some work to do myself."

Maura walks up the stairs and pushes the door to Addi's room open fully. The light on the nightstand is on and Addi is laying facing away from the door, looking at her parents' photo. Maura joins her daughter on the bed. At the presence of her mother Addi seems to relax and cuddles into Maura's side.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Maura asks, the image of her daughter lying on the bottom of the shower still in the back of her mind.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Addi looks up at her mom and gives the best smile she can.

"I don't believe you." Maura smiles back at her.

There is a long silence before Addi sighs and looks back up at Maura.

"I'm just so tired. I feel like all this bad stuff keeps happening and the good stuff can't keep up. I just want to be happy, but every time I'm happy I just end up feeling guilty."

"Guilty about what?"

"That I'm still alive."

These words take Maura's breath away. The idea that her daughter feels guilty about living her life lights an angry fire inside of her. She hugs her tighter and takes a deep breath.

"Don't get me wrong, my life here with you guys is great. I love you. I just don't understand why they had to die and I'm still alive. I don't get why Jane saved me but no one saved them. They didn't deserve to die."

"I know. But if there's one thing I've learned from doing my job it's that bad things sometimes happen to good people and there never really seems to be a reason for it; at least not any good reason. I know that won't offer you much comfort but I also know that your parents wouldn't want you to stop living your life because they aren't here. You have a second chance at life for a reason; you are still here to make them proud."

Addi nods. She nuzzles her face into Maura's neck and soon her breathing evens out as she falls deeper into sleep. The most restful sleep she has had in weeks. Maura doesn't move reveling in her daughter's affection and thankful that she is alright. She lies there for hours, dozing here and there but mostly just listening to Addi's breathing.

"Hey, I was wondering where you ended up." Jane whispers, entering her daughter's room. She sits on the edge of the bed and runs her fingers over her daughter's bicep gently. "How did she seem?"

"Sad." Maura says her own expression sad and confused. "Sometimes I forget that she's just a little girl. She's been through so much and she acts so grown up."

"I know."

"I'm going to stay in here tonight."

"You're still in your clothes." Jane smiles.

"I don't care. It's more important that I stay in here." She kisses her daughter's head and fixes the blanket.

"Okay, I get it." She kisses Maura. "I love you, good night."

"Good night."

Jane turns the light off and closes the door behind her. Oliver's lights are off which means he is probably asleep or reading with the little light by his bed. She doesn't go in, wanting to give him some space after his strange behavior this afternoon.

The next morning everyone is awake and getting ready for school and work. Jane is making coffee, Maura is making eggs and Ollie is packing his bag until it weighs more than he does. Addi comes down the stairs in her school uniform, her hair tied in French braids and her backpack slung over her shoulder; clearly not as full as her brother's.

"Good morning sweetheart." Maura greets her daughter.

"Morning." She takes her seat at the kitchen island. "Are you guys coming to my game today?"

"Are you kidding? We wouldn't miss it." Jane says enthusiastically, not-so-secretly excited to have another athlete in the family. "It's at four, right?"

"Yeah."

"You nervous?"

"Nah." Addi answers too quickly and Jane and Maura share a knowing look.

"We should go or we'll be late." Ollie interrupts.

Addi and Ollie walk through the front doors of the school. Addi's smile disappears when she notices Lauren is back and standing in a circle of her friends. To her surprise they don't even look in her direction and she takes a deep breath and continues on her way to English class.

Later in the day Addi walks into the school bathroom but stops when she sees Lauren crying.

"Oh, uh, sorry." She starts to back away but something inside of her stops her. "Are you alright?"

"Why do you care?"

"I actually don't know. But you're clearly upset about something."

"Like you haven't heard." Lauren scoffs.

"From who? No one in this school talks to me besides my brother, and he's clueless."

Lauren wipes her eyes, smearing mascara towards her nose. Addi doesn't think she's going to say anything and starts to leave again. Lauren lets out a shuddery breath.

"My dad died. A week and a half ago. He had a heart attack and he died."

The bathroom is silent besides the echo of the kids passing in the hallway. Addi wrings her hands and wants nothing more than to leave and say nothing at all. But her mothers' voices telling her to be nice and to be empathetic are swimming in the back of her head.

"I'm sorry. I know how hard that is." Addi's expression softens.

"Yeah right. How would you know anything about this."

"I lost both of my parents when I was seven. They were killed while I was asleep down the hall."

Lauren's eyes widen but she doesn't apologize.

"How did you get through it?"

Addi shrugs and pulls herself up to sit on the counter next to the sink.

"I don't know. I just did. People who haven't gone through it will tell you that it gets easier. But as far as I can tell it never hurts any less, it just hurts in different ways. Like when you hear a song he used to like, or you forget a detail you used to know about him. The pain doesn't go away, it just gets more creative."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

"It wasn't meant to. Nothing can."

Addi hops off of the counter and slings her backpack over her shoulder.

"Hey Addison?"

She stops and looks over her shoulder.

"Could you not tell anyone that I was crying?"

Addi nods.

"Not that you owe me any favors."

"Yeah, you've been kind of a bitch to me."

Lauren surprises Addi and laughs.

"Thanks."

Addi furrows her brow, "For what?"

"Not looking at me any differently. Everyone keeps giving me this pity look. I can't stand it."

"Yeah, well get used to it. It'll follow you for years."

"Why are you being nice to me? It's not like I deserve it."

"Probably not, but no one deserves to lose their dad either."

The class bell rings, signaling the end of lunch period. Lauren wipes the smeared makeup from under her eyes.

"We're gonna be late for history. Coming?" Addi asks.

"Yeah, let's go."

"We're not gonna be like friends now, right?" Addi asks, scrunching up her nose.

"No way." Lauren laughs and walks ahead, joining up with her friends. They look at Addi and say something she can't hear, Lauren shakes her head.

Addi smiles to herself, knowing that not much will change but hopefully this means that Lauren will ease off a little bit. She does really feel bad about Lauren losing her dad. No matter how mean you are, no one deserves to lose a parent this early in their life. She grips her backpack strap tightly and flinches when a heavy hand falls on her shoulder.

"Hey Addison."

"Oh, hey Isaac, what's up?"

"Nothing. You playing in the game today?"

"Yeah. You're coming?"

"Yeah, Ollie invited me. I wouldn't miss it. See you later."

"Bye."

Addi smiles to herself as Isaac waves at her and walks away. Maybe some things would be different.


	9. Hunting Happiness

Hunting Happiness

Addi is sitting in the locker room dressed in her uniform. It's crisp, brand new, maroon with her name on the back, all the letters of her last name barely fit. She is tightening her cleats when the coach walks in.

"Alright ladies, so bad news, Lilah tore her ACL at her club soccer practice so Rizzoli you will be starting as our striker today."

"What? Me? Are you sure?"

"You up for it?"

"Uh, yeah, of course, yes sir."

A few of the seniors pat her on the back and head.

"Alright then, let's go warm up."

The whole team leaves to go to the field. Addi stops behind for a few minutes to take a few deep breaths. She jumps up and down and pumps a fist in the air, stifling a giggle. She goes out to the field, looks around in the stands for her parents but doesn't see them yet. Her eyes go to Isaac who is sitting, laughing next to Ollie. His smile is bright and she can't take her eyes off of him. A soccer ball zooms by her head.

"Rizzoli, head in the game!" Amelia, the team captain says with a laugh, she walks over to Addi and whispers, "Win this game and he's yours."

"Shut up." Addi playfully pushes her new friend.

More and more people are filling the stands and Addi makes a point to not look at all the people here to watch the game. When the other team arrives her fears grow even more.

"Wow, why are they all so tall? This is soccer not basketball." This makes Amelia laugh.

"You'll be fine. You're so fast. They can't hurt you if they can't catch you."

"That's good advice, I'll keep that in mind while I'm running for my life."

Both teams take the field. Addi holds her foot behind her to stretch her knee while she waits for the whistle. Maura and Jane are sitting in the stands. Jane sits up straight and grabs hold of her wife's arm.

"Maur, she's starting. She's on the field, she's starting." The excitement in her voice is undeniable.

"Is that good?"

"That's great. It means she's good enough to be first string. As a freshman, that's incredible."

The game goes by quickly. Addi plays a great game with several steals and a goal, and more importantly avoiding any injuries. With the final whistle the coach calls for one last huddle.

"Rizzoli, great game today. You're our new starting striker until further notice."

The whole team claps and they disperse. She runs over to her parents.

"Mom! Mama!"

"Hi baby!" Jane says, "You were incredible!"

"Thanks." She hugs her Mama and then takes a minute to catch her breath.

"What do you say we go celebrate and go out to dinner?"

"Well actually a few of the girls were gonna go grab some food and then maybe catch a movie. I figured since today is Friday…"

"Yes of course, go and have fun." Maura says with a smile.

"Thanks." She hands her bag to Jane and starts off in the other direction.

"Home before eleven please, and call if your plans change." Jane says

"I will, love you." She runs off and joins her team mates.

"It's nice to see her making friends." Maura says, leaning into her wife's side.

"I know. She deserves more friends, she's a great kid. Speaking of kids where is that son of ours?"

"He was going out with Isaac and some of their friends. Maura says as they walk back to their car.

"So that means we have the house all to ourselves. How long has it been since that happened?"

"Too long." They share a smile and a giggle as they drive through the crowded streets home.

Addi and her friends end up at a café near Faneuil Hall. There are tons of people out and about. Addi looks around and pulls her sleeves down over her hands, she feels awkward being out with these girls she just met. She feels like they only invited her to come because they felt like they had to.

"So Rizzoli-" Amelia starts.

"It's Rizzoli-Isles actually." She corrects her.

"Ooh, hyphenated last name." Amelia says with a smile.

"Let me guess," Another girl, Kyla says. "your mom didn't give up her last name for the sake of her career so her and your dad decided to give you both. That's what mine did."

"Actually I don't have a dad. My moms adopted me when I was seven."

"You have two moms?" Amelia asks and she expects things to turn awkward, instead Amelia laughs and slaps her arm. "So do I."

"No way, really? I've never met another kid who has gay parents."

"Really? That's so weird. Sam, she plays midfield, she has two dads." Addi smiles. "Yeah, you stick with us long enough and you will get to eat their brunches after Sunday games and you'll swear that you died and went to eggs benedict heaven."

And just like that Addi feels like one of the team. They get smoothies and sandwiches and walk around looking at all of the fancy couples going to the bars and restaurants.

"Oh hey Ads," Amelia starts and Addi can't help but grin at the nickname. "you a Red Sox fan?"

"Are you kidding?"

"My mom got like a ton of tickets to the game tomorrow do you wanna come?"

"Hell yeah."

"Okay cool, I'll pick you up at your place?"

"Sounds good." Addi is about to say something else when she notices her brother walking holding the hand of another boy. She stops dead in her tracks.

"What's wrong?"

"Uh, nothing, I just saw my brother. He's on a date."

Amelia, Kyla and the other girls look over to where Ollie is standing. He leans in and kisses him on the lips. The girls fall into a chorus of 'awws' which is louder than Addi would have liked. Ollie looks over to the source of the noise and his eyes bug open wide. He exchanges a few words with the other boy and they go their separate ways.

"Oh shit. I have to go." Addi starts to chase her brother who is making a bee line for the T station. "I'll see you tomorrow. Text me." She runs to catch up to her brother. "Ollie! Oliver." She taps her Charlie card and continues to call his name until he turns around.

"I won't say anything if you don't want me to, okay?"

Ollie doesn't say anything. They ride the train and walk home together in silence. When they walk through the front door Jane and Maura are sitting on the couch with a couple glasses of wine in front of them.

"Hi guys, how was your night?" Jane asks sitting up.

Ollie looks at his sister, defeated. Addi smiles at her mothers.

"It was good. We just grabbed some food and walked around. Amelia asked me to go to the Sox game tomorrow, can I go?"

"Sure kid, sounds like fun." Jane smiles.

Maura leans forwards to look at her kids.

"Ollie, how was your night?"

"It was pretty good." Addi notes the smile that creeps onto his face, and she smirks too.

"Yeah, I ran into Ollie and Isaac and we took the train home together." A yawn escapes her. "I'm gonna shower then go to bed. I'm exhausted."

"Yeah you had a big day today." Maura says getting up to put the wine glasses in the sink.

"Yeah, I'm gonna head up too. It's been a long week." Ollie says as he follows his sister upstairs.

Before he walks into his bedroom Ollie turns back to look at Addi.

"Thanks, you know for not saying anything."

"Of course." She looks towards the stairs and pushes Ollie into his room and closes the door. "Although, I am a little confused why you don't want to tell them; if anyone will understand what you're going through it would be Mom and Mama." She leans on the desk and Ollie sits on his bed.

"I don't know. I guess I don't know if I even like Tuck yet, so what's the point of telling them and listening to them go on and on about it and analyze it before I even know if he's worth it or if I'm even-" He stops talking and furrows his brow, a blush coming to both of his cheeks.

"Even what? If you're even gay?"

"Yeah, I guess I just need more time."

"Well take all the time you need. Your secret is more than safe with me."

"I figured." Ollie laughs. "You're too sneaky for your own good, you know that?"

"Maybe." She stands up and places her hand on the doorknob. There is one more thing I need to know."

"What's that?"

"Is he a good kisser?"

"Shut up." Ollie throws a pillow at her but she is out of the room before it can hit her. He hears her laugh all the way down the hallway and he lets the smile he's been holding back all night take over his face as he falls back onto his mattress.

After Addi's shower she gets into her pajamas, brushes her hair, and looks at herself in the mirror. She tries not to look in the mirror too often because she looks so much like her biological mom. People used to say she looked just like her dad but the older she gets the more she looks like Elizabeth. She lets her fingers glide over her faint freckles and the scar above her eye. For the first time in a while she notices something different in her reflection; the bags under her eyes have started to become less purple and she has a genuine smile on her face. When she walks back into her room Maura is lying on the bed reading a magazine.

"Hi mom."

"Hi sweetheart. I was just waiting to say goodnight."

"Oh really is that it?" Addi asks knowingly "Or do you want to ask about tonight?"

"You know me so well." Maura holds her arms out and Addi crawls onto the bed and lays cuddled up in her mother's arms.

"It really was good. The girls on the team are all really nice. I thought it would be weird because they're all older than me and I really only thought they invited me because they felt like they had to but I think they actually want to be friends."

"I'm sure they do. How could they not want to be friends with you?"

"Mom, stop." Addi giggles, "You know Amelia and Sam both have gay parents."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, they're the only kids I know who have gay parents."

"Is that something that's bothered you? Not knowing people with families that look like ours."

"No offense Mom, but I don't think there are many families out there that look like ours, you know?"

"You know what I mean. Do you wish that you had known other people with lesbian mothers when you were younger?"

Addi shrugs, "I guess I never really thought about it all that much until tonight. At least I don't think I have."

"Either way it's nice to see you spending time with friends. Your Mama and I were both very impressed at your match today. You are a very talented young lady."

Addi can't help but smile at her mother's formal language.

"Thanks Mom. It meant a lot to have you all there today. Maybe Nona could come to my next game."

"I'm sure Angela would love that."

Maura kisses her daughter's head and untangles herself from Addi.

"Goodnight my love. Sweet dreams."

"Goodnight Mom. I love you."

Maura shuts off the light and closes the door. She lets out a relieved sigh, happy to see her daughter so happy. She walks into her bedroom where Jane is already in bed mostly asleep.

"How are the kids?"

"Happy." Maura says simply, changing out of her dress into her pajama shirt and shorts.

"God it feels so good to hear you say that."

"I know it has been way too long since all four of us have gone to bed with smiles on our faces." Maura climbs into bed, under the covers and is pulled into her wife's side, an unconscious movement at this point in their relationship.

"Our kids deserve every happiness in the world." Maura says, but when she doesn't receive an answer she looks over to see Jane already fast asleep.

Her mouth is parted and her curls are falling across her face and splayed across her pillow. Maura takes a moment to observe her wife's pure beauty. She fixes the blankets around her to ensure she won't wake up cold in the middle of the night and then closes her own eyes.

To her surprise Maura wakes up the next morning having slept completely through the night. Addi isn't in their bed and no one woke her up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. She stretches her arms above her head and squeezes her eyes shut quickly. Her alarm clock reads nine thirty which means Jane and Oliver would be asleep for another few hours but Addison would surely be awake soon.

Maura walks downstairs to make coffee and to start her day. Although she doesn't have to go into work today there is a mountain of paperwork sitting, waiting for her on her home office desk. She takes her coffee onto the back porch to enjoy some of the last fall mornings before it is way too cold to be outside. A while later the French doors behind Maura slide open and to her surprise it is Ollie who is awake first.

"Hi sweetheart. You're up early on a Saturday." Maura says with a knowing smile.

Her son has always loved his sleep, something he got from his father, he couldn't function without a solid eight hours and neither can Ollie. He's usually the last one awake and the first one to fall asleep.

"Yeah I know, I tried to sleep more but I couldn't."

"Is there something on your mind?"

"Isn't there always?" He shoots back quickly.

"You know what I mean. Is there something bothering you?"

He pauses for a while to give this some genuine thought.

"I don't know yet. I'll get back to you on that." He says as if he is talking to a colleague talking about a work problem. This makes her scoff but she replies with a simple 'okay' and they sit sipping their coffee and enjoying each other's company in silence.

"Hello? Where is everyone?" Jane's voice is heard yelling through the house.

"There are many things your Mama is," Maura says to Ollie, "subtle is not one of those things."

"You're telling me." He agrees getting up to follow his Mom into the house for breakfast.

"Oh there you are. Good morning."

"Yes, how kind of you to let the whole neighborhood know you're awake."

She kisses her wife and gives her a cheeky grin. Addi walks into the kitchen yawning and rubbing her eyes. Her hair is a mess on top of her head and her cheek has lines imprinted from her sheets.

"Why are you yelling?" She asks Jane as she moves to lean against Maura's side. Maura wraps her arm around Addi's shoulder and kisses her temple.

"I thought I was the last one awake. I'm sorry baby." Jane answers guiltily knowing how much Addison could benefit from some real sleep in her own bed.

"It's okay I need to get ready anyway. Amelia texted me to say she'd be here at noon." Addi disappears up the stairs and her bedroom door closes loudly a minute later.

"Who wants pancakes?" Jane asks with a devious grin and her eyebrows raised.

"Are you making them?" Ollie asks.

"My cooking is not that bad."

"It's not that great either."

"I am incredibly hurt by that; my own son insulting my culinary prowess."

It's Ollie's turn to raise his eyebrows, "Prowess?"

"Alright enough you two." Maura interjects "It is much too early on a Saturday morning for such an absurd argument." Maura lets a smirk come over her face as the three of them fall into a fit of giggles all the while pulling out the ingredients for pancakes.

"Alright Bobby Flay, are you going to help me with the pancakes or are you going to just sit there and critique me the whole time?"

"I'll help." Ollie says, joining his Mama at the stovetop. "What do you want me to do?"

"Start washing those blueberries."

Maura watches them for a few minutes before going upstairs to change and put some makeup on. As she's finishing up she notices Addi hanging around the doorway of the bathroom through the reflection in the mirror.

"What's up sweetheart?" She asks with her usual warm smile as she looks through the reflection.

"Um, could you help me with my makeup?"

She blushes as she asks this question. She has never worn much makeup with the exception of a little concealer and some lip gloss.

"Makeup? For a baseball game?"

"Not much, I want it to look natural but all the other girls wear it and I don't know, I just kind of wanted to give it a try. You know if it's okay with you and Mama."

Maura does her best not to laugh so she doesn't embarrass her.

"Of course it's okay. I think fourteen years old is plenty old enough to wear makeup; as long as you don't go overboard."

Addi smiles and nods, "Of course not," She says in a perfect Maura Isles impersonation.

She sits on the counter of the sink watching her mother's every move, trying to remember how she does everything and in what order it's supposed to be done in. When she's done she looks in the mirror and a large smile takes over her whole face.

"So what do you think?"

"I love it. Thanks Mom."

She runs out of the room to find her sneakers and her Red Sox hoodie. When she appears downstairs Jane looks up and her eyes widen a little.

"Wow Addi, you look very beautiful young lady."

"Thanks Mama. Mom did my makeup."

Jane smiles at her daughter's little boost of confidence. She makes eye contact with her wife who had come down the stairs behind Addi. A car horn honks from outside and Addi tries to leave quickly.

"Addison wait, don't you want us to meet this friend?" Maura asks.

"Oh um, maybe later mom. We really should go. We don't want to be late." She says already halfway out the door.

"Okay but after the game we want to meet her."

"We're serious kid."

"Okay, I got it. But I need to go." She smiles and blows them a kiss as she rushes out the door and into Amelia's car which is filled with girls from the soccer team; all speaking loudly over each other.

Maura walks over to her wife as Jane speaks.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but it seemed like our daughter is embarrassed to introduce us to her friends."

"It would seem that way, yes."

"That hurts my heart. She's too old. She shouldn't be embarrassed of us. We're cool; I'm a detective, that's cool."

"Oh yeah, she's totally embarrassed by you." Ollie cuts in with a smirk.

"Shut up nerd."

"Jane."


	10. People Should Smile More

People Should Smile More

After the game Addi is the last one to be dropped off by Amelia. The whole day had been a lot of fun. She had felt like part of a group of friends for the first time in a long time. Her old friends from her other school never made her feel so included and never made her laugh so hard. The truth is she's not sure they ever got past her tragic back story. That's why she has decided to put off telling her new friends about her parents for as long as possible. Before she gets out of the car she unbuckles her seatbelt and blushes as she speaks.

"Um so this is like so lame but my moms said they wanted to meet you when we got back from the game."

Amelia shrugs and smiles her bright, nearly perfect smile.

"Cool. My moms are always on me about who I'm hanging around with too."

She walks with such confidence up to the door and Addi watches her wishing she could have what she has. Addi pushes open the door to her house and she notices Amelia look around with an impressed look on her face but she tries to hide her own smirk.

"Hi baby," Jane greets from the couch. Sports Center is on the television, she no doubt just finished watching the game herself.

"Hi Mama, this is my friend Amelia Harrison." Addi says, not wanting the small talk to last any longer than it needs to.

"Hi Amelia, I'm Jane, it's nice to meet you." She extends her hand and Amelia gives her a firm handshake.

"Nice to meet you too."

"It was a great game today, huh?"

"Yeah no kidding; two homers from Papi. He's really going for it in his final season."

"I know the team's gonna be hurting next year." Jane says.

"I think they'll be alright."

"Where's Mom?" Addi asks after they fall into an awkward silence.

"She took your brother to some documentary screening on Brattle Street."

"Wild Saturday night, huh?" Addi says in a deadpanned tone.

"Be nice." Jane warns.

"To Oliver? Never."

"Well I guess mom will have to meet Amelia another night maybe you would like to come over some time for dinner. Maura is a phenomenal cook."

"Yeah, that sounds great." Amelia says diplomatically and Addi can't help but smile at the change in her personality in the presence of her mother.

"I should probably go my moms will start to worry." Jane's eyebrow raise at the word 'mothers' and it doesn't go unnoticed by Addison. Maura had completely forgotten to tell Jane about the conversation her and Addi had the night before.

"I'll walk you out."

"Nice meeting you," Amelia says, "I'll see you soon."

"Nice meeting you too, kid. See you around."

Addi walks Amelia out to the driveway.

"Your mom is really nice and she's like really pretty." Amelia smiles, jingling her keys in her hand.

"I hope you don't mind if I keep that between us. Her head is big enough as it is. She's actually my Mama. Maura is my mom." She is shy as she corrects her new friend.

"Oh really? I just call both of my parents mom."

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

Amelia shrugs, "Only when I'm yelling through the house which I'm not really supposed to do anyway. My house is loud enough as it is."

"Oh yeah?"

"I'm the oldest of five kids."

"No way, that sounds brutal." Addi leans against the post of the front steps.

"It's not all bad. You should come over sometime. I'm sure my moms will wanna meet you too. We could do a team sleepover or something next weekend."

"Yeah, sounds cool."

"Alright, I'll text you later."

Amelia gets into her car and speeds out of the driveway. Addi watches her leave and stands out in the fall air for a few more minutes before a breeze blows a chill down her spine. When she walks back inside Jane is washing dishes in the kitchen sink. Addi grabs a dish towel and starts drying a plate.

"Good day, kiddo?"

"The best."

"It's good to see you this happy." Jane says with a smile on her face, feeling for the first time in a while like she can breathe.

"I've been so busy I haven't really had time to think about, you know, everything." She shrugs while putting away some clean dishes.

"Yeah, I know. You've been sleeping okay? No more nightmares?"

"I've been sleeping better than ever." They fall into a comfortable silence, both focused fully on their chore. Once they're done Jane pours them each a glass of lemonade and as she slides one over to Addi she sighs and says, "I guess I never knew what it was like."

"What?" Jane asks, her brow furrowed, sitting in the stool next to her daughter.

"I never knew what it was like to feel so normal." She takes a sip of her drink and then continues "At my old school everyone knew my story, all my friends acted like I would break if they made a joke and they would like, freeze, if I ever got sad. It was like they were afraid of me."

"They just didn't know what to say." Jane offers, running her hand through Addi's hair.

"I know but at this new school I got a fresh start. No one knows what happened to me. I can let my new friends get to know me first, before I tell them about everything." She puts her chin in the palm of her hand, leaning on the granite counter. Jane can tell she's tired.

"Don't wait too long to tell them though. What happened to you, losing your parents, no matter how horrific it is, and no matter how much you wish you could forget it, it makes up a huge part of who you are. And if they really are going to get to know you, I think they need to know your whole story."

"You think I should tell them?"

"I think you should decide whether or not you can trust them and then tell them, when you're ready." Jane kisses her daughter's cheek. "What do you say we order a pizza? We can take advantage of the geniuses being gone and watch a movie we don't have to read."

Addi scoffs and nods her head, climbing over the back of the couch and plopping right into the middle while Jane looks for the rarely used landline to order the pizza.

Maura and Ollie are walking back to the parking garage in Harvard Square, enjoying the crisp fall air, clear night sky, and the music the man with the acoustic guitar is strumming for a few people who have stopped to listen.

"That documentary was quite fascinating. I thought the connection the filmmaker had with World War II was absolutely touching. Wouldn't you agree?" Maura doesn't get an answer so she loops her left arm around his right arm. "Oliver?"

"What? Sorry."

"What's on your mind?" She pushes a piece of shaggy hair away from his thick framed glasses to look into his eyes.

"I was just thinking about you when you were younger."

Maura laughs a little, "Why?"

"Did you ever wonder who your biological parents were?"

"All the time." She answers earnestly, knowing where this conversation is going.

"What did you wonder about?"

"I'm sure the same things you want to know about your father. I wanted to know if I looked like them, if they were smart, if they were tall or nice or if they liked doing the Sunday crosswords like I did."

Oliver nods realizing these are exactly the things he wants to know about his dad.

"But there's one major difference between our situations, Ollie." He looks at her curiously. "I can answer the questions you have about him. I didn't have anyone to answer mine. You've never really asked me about him."

"I didn't want to make you sad."

"What makes me sadder than anything in this world is that he never got to know you. He would have been absolutely in love with you. He would be so proud of you."

A tear drips down Oliver's cheek from under his glasses and he whisks it away, nodding.

"You can ask me anything you want about him, anytime. I mean it."

"Okay thanks mom."

"You're welcome sweetheart." She gives him the sweetest smile she can, noting the saddened expression on his face, and wishing she knew what sparked this for him. They get into the car and Maura speaks to break the silence to prove she's not upset with him.

"Let's go see what Mama and Addi are doing. They've been home alone for hours now."

"That's never good." Ollie's smile returns.

"No, those two are peas in a pod. I'm sure they've turned the living room into a soccer field by now."

"I would like to see that."

Maura smiles, she doesn't get nights alone with Oliver often anymore so she takes the long way home so they talk about the film they had just watched and Ollie's coursework.

When they walk through the front door the television is on and plates with uneaten pizza crusts on them sit by Jane and Addi's feet on the coffee table. Jane has Addi wrapped up in a blanket asleep in her arms. She stirs as Maura walks into the room. Oliver heads straight up the stairs.

"Hi baby." Jane greets her wife, whispering over her sleeping daughter, barely awake herself.

"Hi, you two look comfortable."

"Yeah, how was your night?" Jane asks, accepting a kiss on the cheek.

"It was good." Maura sighs as she takes off her coat and shoes, and sits in the armchair.

"Uh-oh, what's that look?"

"Nothing." Maura says looking up the stairs to make sure Oliver is still in his bedroom. "It's just Oliver is asking questions about his father."

Jane widens her eyes not expecting the conversation to go in this direction.

"He is? I wonder why all of a sudden."

"I'm not sure; a teenaged boy deserves a father." Maura admits out loud for the first time since Ollie was very young.

Jane recognizes the same insecure look on her wife's face as when they first started dating. She thought these fears were long gone but in this moment it is clear they never left.

"Maura, we are more than enough for him. I know we could never replace his father but we love him enough for fifty people."

"Two mothers don't make a father." The look in her eyes is enough to break Jane's heart.

She gently moves from under Addi, placing her onto the couch as carefully as she can and moving to kneel in front of her wife. She grabs both of Maura's hands and speaks in a soft, loving voice reserved for her and the kids.

"Maur, Oliver doesn't need a father. He has plenty of positive male role models in his life; like Frankie and Korsak and some of his teachers at school. Any problems he has we'll help him the best that we can and any questions he has about his dad, we'll answer those too. The one thing we won't ever do is think, for even a second, that we aren't enough for these kids because we love them so much, and that's always the most important thing."

"You're right."

"Hell yeah I'm right." Jane gives her best cocky smile before pulling her wife into a deep, loving kiss.

She wraps her arm around her lower back while Maura squeezes her bicep. When they pull apart they stare into each other's eyes for a silent minute exchanging much more than words. Addi stirs in her place on the couch making both of her moms turn to look at her.

"Mom, you're home." He says in a raspy, tired voice, stretching her arms above her head.

"Hi sweetheart, how was your day?"

"It was amazing." A sleepy smile slips onto her face.

"I can't wait to hear all about it," She looks at the clock above the television, "tomorrow. It's late; you should go get some sleep in your big comfy bed. Don't you think?"

Addi nods and Maura is already starting to feel better. Being with her wife and her children can turn almost any day around. Addi stands up and stretches her back, her shirt slips up and Maura catches a glimpse of the large raised scar on her stomach. She thinks back to the phase Addi went through where she asked relentless questions about her parents; she was nine or ten. She will never forget how hard she cried for hours after she finally realized there was no one left on the planet that could answer these questions for her. Maura promised herself that day that she would never leave Oliver with questions like her daughter.

"Goodnight Mom" Addi hugs Maura and she doesn't fight her when she holds her harder and longer than usual. Jane starts to follow Addi upstairs.

"I'm going to say goodnight and check on Ollie. I'll be right back down."

Jane opens Ollie's door and he's sitting on his bed in his pajamas reading a book, his hair is in a messy pile on top of his head like he's been running his hands through it, he always rubs his hand up and down the back of his head when he's thinking hard about something. He looks up at the noise and smiles when he sees it's Jane.

"Hi bud, how was your movie?"

"It was good. I think mom liked it more than I did though." He scrunches up his nose and he looks just like he did when he was little and thought he was in trouble.

"I won't tell if you won't." Jane says sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Deal." He sighs, "Look, if you came up here to talk about my dad or whatever," He starts knowing nothing is a secret between his mothers, "it's no big deal. I was just a little curious and I think I freaked mom out."

"You didn't freak her out. We both just want you to know it's okay to talk about him and wonder about him, just like Ads does with her birth parents. We don't want to replace the memory of any of them. We want to do whatever we can to keep their memory in this house, alright? They are parts of you guys and I wouldn't want to change anything about either of you." She pauses "Except maybe I would make Addi a little less of a slob."

This gets a smile out of Oliver.

"Thanks Mama."

"Anytime bud." She kisses the top of his head, "Don't stay up too late alright?"

He nods as she shuts the door. She walks into Addison's room and she's already asleep again, still fully clothed, over the covers with the lights on. Jane takes her phone from her hand and puts it on its charger, drapes the quilt from the end of the bed over her and kisses her head. She looks at her one more time from the doorway. She looks so peaceful and Jane can't help but wish she could be that relaxed and unguarded all the time. She shuts off the lights and closes the door and walks back downstairs to join her wife on the couch for a few quiet moments together.

"Are the kids asleep?" Maura asks, leaning into her wife's side allowing herself to be wrapped up in the detective's warm embrace.

"Ollie's reading and Addi is passed out sideways on her bed."

"She had a good day today?"

"When she got home she was happier than I had seen her in a long, long time."

"Good and her friend?"

"Has lesbian parents." Jane says not answer her wife's insinuated question.

"I knew there was something I forgot to tell you."

"You knew? You were hiding secret lesbians from me?"

"I would hardly call them secret lesbians." Maura says with a hearty laugh. "Addi mentioned it to me last night."

"Why am I always the last to know things?"

"I don't know, detective."

The next day is Sunday which means a quiet day at home for Maura, Jane and the kids. Addi is working on an English paper, Ollie is sitting in the living room reading the same book as the night before and Jane and Maura are hanging their new family portraits in the hallway. Maura is standing back with one eye squinted.

"It needs to go more to the left."

Jane sighs, "Maur, come on can I just hang it please?" Her voice is whiny, they've been working on hanging four pictures for an hour and a half.

"Do you want the photos to be crooked?"

"Yes, more than anything in this world." Jane answers dryly, pulling out the level and measuring tape. She tries to bang the nail into the wall but she is stopped by her wife's voice.

"Wait."

"Maura, I just measured it. Even the great Dr. Maura Isles cannot be more precise than a measuring tape and a level."

"I think we should hang them at the other end of the hall." She points to the empty wall space near the kitchen. Addi giggles at her Mama's frustration from her spot at the kitchen island.

"Nope, no." Jane bangs the nail into the wall and hangs the picture of all four of them in the middle of the others. "You can hang them by yourself next time."

"That wasn't so bad."

"An hour and a half for four pictures." Jane emphasizes the word four. "I could've had it done in twenty minutes."

"Maybe Mama, but isn't it better doing these things together?" Addi says cheekily.

"Shut it." Jane shoots back with a grin trying to feign anger. She grabs a beer from the fridge.

"How's your English paper coming along Addison?" Maura asks running a hand on her daughters back. Addi sighs and shrugs one shoulder.

"It's okay."

"What's the assignment?" Jane asks, taking a sip of her beer.

"We're supposed to write an essay on the biggest moral dilemma we've ever faced. We just read To Kill a Mockingbird. I guess I'm just running low on inspiration, but it's not due for a few weeks so I've got some time to think on it."

"That's a pretty heavy assignment. What happened to the good old fashioned book report?"

"Dr. Pierce says self-reflective essays offer more to the reader and the writer than analytical papers do so it's important we know how to write both."

"Dr. Pierce, huh?" Jane asks, looking at Maura who is seemingly unaware of her wife's stare.

"Yeah. I don't know. I'd rather just write like a research paper or something." Addison continues unaware of the tension in her Mama's shoulders and jaw.

"You'll figure something out sweetheart. You're a beautiful writer." Addi gathers her stuff.

"I'm gonna go to my room." Ollie says standing up from the couch.

"Me too." Addi adds and follows her brother up the stairs.

"I thought we decided we weren't going to put Addi in Andrew's class." Jane says once her kids are out of earshot.

"He's the best English teacher at that school. It hardly seems fair to deprive her of the best education just because you don't like him."

"It's more than that and you know it." Jane defends.

"I don't understand why this is still a topic of conversation. It was over twenty years ago."

"Maur, you were fourteen, he was nineteen. That's statutory rape and I'm a cop. Not to mention our daughter is fourteen years old now. You honestly don't see why that would make me uncomfortable?"

"He's not a pedophile Jane." Maura's voice thickens, tears glaze her eyes.

"There's a reason why statutory rape gets people on the sex offender registry; it's because they are predators. You were so young, Maur, he should have known better." Maura nods, knowing deep down that Jane is right. "I can't take the chance that he might do something to our little girl because he's still upset about what happened or God forbid he actually is a pedophile. I can't sleep at night knowing I might be putting her in danger every day." Now it's Jane's turn to let tears wet her eyes.

"Okay, okay. We'll get her switched to another classroom tomorrow." Maura takes Jane in her arms to comfort her. "I'm sorry I didn't think, I-"

"It's okay. I just need to keep her safe." Maura lets go and looks into her wife's eyes.

"Can we just not tell her why we're switching her? I don't want her to think less of me."

"She would never. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Even so,"

"We'll tell her there was a mix up with her schedule or something. She'll probably just be relieved she doesn't have to write that essay." Maura laughs.

"That's probably true."

"I'll give the school a call tomorrow and get it sorted out." Jane says rubbing circles on Maura's back. "I love you."

"I love you too Jane."


	11. Not That Kind of Girl

Not That Kind of Girl

The next day at school Addi is called into her guidance counselor's office.

"Addison, please take a seat."

"Am I in trouble?"

She has never been called into the guidance office before and she is worried that she has done something wrong at this new school already.

"No not at all." Her counselor answers with a smile.

She is welcoming and has kind eyes. A plaque on the front of her wooden desk says 'Barbara Callahan'. Addi had never laid eyes on the woman before but she felt an instant comfort in her presence and she assumes that is probably why she chose this profession.

"There has been a mix up with your schedule. Your English class has been filled over capacity and we are looking for students to test out of your course and switch into the sophomore class. Based off of your test scores and the grades on your first few assignments we thought you would be more than capable to move up."

Addis is more than surprised and bites her lower lip.

"You really think I could do that?"

"Absolutely, we would need to do it today so you would go to your new class at first bell. Your teacher Ms. Campbell has already been told about you and is expecting you." She notices Addi's hesitation. "Don't be nervous. You'll be great. How have your first few weeks been going?" She changes the subject to ease her discomfort.

"They've been alright. I had a bit of trouble with a few girls in the beginning but I think we've figured it out. My classes aren't bad and I joined the soccer team." She opens up to this woman who simply smiles.

"Your coach has spoken quite highly of you. He said you really helped them out of a jam last week."

"I don't know about that."

"Don't sell yourself short. If you work hard and stay dedicated you could take this school by storm."

Addi feels her cheeks blush a deep red as she tried a joke to play off her awkwardness, "I'll keep that in mind."

She has never really had anyone express such strong beliefs in her before, other than her parents. The first bell rings and she slings her backpack over her shoulder.

"You'll be in room 402. Come back and talk anytime Addison. Have a good day."

"Thanks you too."

She walks into her new classroom and fights the smile that wants to come across her face when she sees Isaac sitting in one of the desks. He looks up when she walks in and he doesn't fight his own smile. He offers a wave but the teacher, Mrs. Campbell, interrupts before he can say hi.

"You must be Addison." She is much younger and a lot prettier than she had been expecting.

"Uh, yeah, that's me." She gives a smile on one side of her mouth, gripping the straps of her backpack tightly as she notices more and more kids coming in and staring at her.

"Welcome." She offers a warm smile that makes her eyes squint. "Here are your books. Why don't you take a seat," she looks around the room but Isaac raises his hand.

"Mrs. C, Addi can sit next to me."

"Okay, since you two seem to know each other, Addison you can take the desk next to Isaac."

She does as she's told and her heart skips a beat when she turns and he is staring intently at her with his sparkling golden eyes and smiling with his perfectly white teeth.

"Well looks like the Rizzoli-Isles household has two kid geniuses."

"I wouldn't go that far." She pushes her hair behind her ear as another boy in front of her turns around.

"You're Oliver's sister?" She nods. "That dude is the man. He helped me get an A in physics last year." She smiles.

She's glad the kids at this school appreciate his brain rather than mock him for it like they did at their old school.

"Alright everybody, please make our new classmate feel welcome." Mrs. Campbell smiles at Addi and this time she genuinely smiles back. "Okay, so we will pick up the conversation on Uncle Tom's Cabin from yesterday."

Addi's ears perk up when she hears the title of a book she's already read.

"So can anyone give any guesses why Stowe emphasized the use of Christianity amongst the slave characters?" Addi waits for a minute and when no one raises their hand, she slowly raises hers. "Yes, Addison."

"It was to humanize them. It's the same reason she gave them names and families. She was ultimately against slavery. Most people assume she included Christianity because her father was a preacher but it was more than that. She wanted to show the rich white people who were reading the book that slaves were human beings too. It's along the same lines as what a lawyer would do to persuade a jury their client is a human not just a story. It all comes down to relatability." Addi tenses up when the room stays silent but she relaxes when Mrs. Campbell's smile grows larger.

"That is exactly right. Great job Addison."

The rest of the school day goes by quickly and uneventfully, much to Addi's satisfaction. As she's changing in the locker room she notices some of the girls staring. She follows their eye line to the scar on her stomach. She puts her practice jersey on as quickly as possible and walks onto the field, trying her best not to feel embarrassed.

For a minute she had forgotten all about the ugly scar. Throughout practice she lets her hand travel down to the raised scar tissue and fumbles over it through the mesh fabric of her shirt. She catches the eye of the girls who had been staring. They weren't any of the girls she had hung out with over the weekend. In fact she didn't even know their names. Amelia notices the uncomfortable look on Addi's face and jogs over to her, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Are they bugging you?" She gestures to the girls who act busy when they notice Amelia looking their way.

Addi shrugs it off and kicks her soccer ball as far as she can down the field as part of their exercise.

"It's nothing I can't handle."

Amelia doesn't push it. She can tell by the serious look on her friend's face that she doesn't want to talk about.

"Okay, well, just so we're clear, you don't have to handle everything alone. I've got your back." She hits Addi's arm and runs off to the other side of the field.

After practice, by some stoke of bad luck, Addi and the two other girls are the only three left changing in the locker room. When Addi is putting her shirt on, she turns and they are already looking at her.

"You can stare all you want," Is the only thing she says, pulling her shirt down fully.

This makes both of them turn around. She hears one of them mumble a faint 'sorry'. She knows that they only backed down because she's friends with Amelia, but even so it makes her feel powerful and grateful that her new friend prevented unwarranted bullying, and she doesn't have any idea.

"Hey baby girl, did you have a good practice?" Jane asks, wiping some of the dirt off her daughter's face while she fastens her seatbelt.

"Yeah it was pretty good."

She lays her head back against the headrest and closes her eyes, letting go of the stress and excitement of her day. Jane glances at her in her peripherals and smirks.

"You hungry, kid?"

"Starving," Addi answers without opening her eyes.

"Mom had to work late so I'm thinking Chinese takeout. How does that sound?"

Addi gives a thumbs-up, not yet ready to talk to anybody. The rest of the car ride is silent and dinner goes by pretty quietly as well. After dinner Oliver and Addi set up at the kitchen island to do homework. Around 7 o'clock Maura walks through the front door, places her bags down, and joins her family in the kitchen.

"Hi guys, what's going on?"

"Homework time," Jane answers, giving a quick kiss to her wife.

Maura looks over her kids' shoulders at their work.

"How was everyone's day?" She asks, moving to get her plate of food from the microwave.

"It was good, I got an A on my physics test and I decided to run for class president." Ollie says with a smile on his face.

"That's awesome buddy." Jane says.

"I think that's a great idea."

"Yeah let us know if we can do anything to help you out."

Addi looks at her brother and can't help but feel guilty about the secret she's keeping for him. She knows he said he needed more time but she wants to know that he's happy. He looks happy, but how could anyone truly be happy when they are hiding such a big part of themselves.

"Ads?" She is taken from her train of thought by her Mama's voice in her ear. "How was your day?"

"It was kind of weird."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I got switched to a sophomore English class because apparently mine was overfilled and my grades were good enough to move me up."

"Wow Addison, that's wonderful," Maura feigns excitement while sharing a knowing glance with Jane.

"So you're in Isaac's class now?" Ollie asks.

"Yeah." She fights a blush and Ollie does his best not to smirk or say anything else because he knows how much she likes him.

"Are you okay with this switch?" Jane asks.

"I mean, I kind of have to be, don't I?" She shrugs, "I don't know. My teacher is really nice and I've already read like half the reading list and Isaac is in my class so it's a little less intimidating. It just kind of sucks because I really like Dr. Pierce, he really paid attention to me."

Jane feels her pulse speed up and heat move to her cheeks, "What do you mean he paid attention to you?"

"I don't know, he listened to me when I raised my hand in class and he talked to me when I would go to the classroom before everyone else got there."

"You spent time alone with him?" Jane asks, trying to keep her cool.

"Yeah, why?" Addi notices the tension in both of her mothers' faces. "What's going on?"

"Nothing sweetheart, why don't you guys go finish your homework upstairs?"

Neither of the kids argue this noting the intensity of both of their mothers. They go up to Ollie's room to finish their work.

"Do you think they're fighting?" Addi asks, a little scared.

"Why would you think that?"

"Did you see the looks on their faces? They looked mad about something, I just don't know what." Addi tries to focus on her work but her mind keeps going back to her parents downstairs.

After half an hour of neither of her parents coming upstairs she shuts her notebook and stands up.

"Where are you going?"

"To snoop, where do you think?"

She sneaks halfway down the stairs and sits down, trying to listen to the muffled voices coming from the kitchen.

"Jane you need to calm down about this situation. We got her out of the class. Do you honestly think that she wouldn't have told us if something had happened?" Maura stands across from her wife with a hand on her hip.

"Maur, if something had happened I think she would purposefully keep it from us. It's classic victim behavior and on top of that, it's classic Addison behavior. This is exactly why we had her switched out of that class. I don't want what happened to you to happen to her too."

"You know what, I'm a little sick of you saying that what "happened to me" makes me a victim. The only reason he was put in the position he was put in was because my parents had found out about us and they got upset. I was fourteen and more than capable of choosing who I wanted to have intercourse with."

"Would you feel that way if Addi came home and gave us the same argument?"

"This situation is wildly different. He was not my teacher. If he used his power as an educator to get a student into bed that is inexcusable. I was not a student and he was not my teacher." Maura can feel the anger bubbling inside of her stomach, "Of course I don't want Addison having sex with anyone at fourteen, and I wish more than anything that I had waited. It would kill me to know that she had been sexually active with an older man; but that's not my point here, because I know our daughter. My point is that what happened in the past needs to stay there, I am not a victim." Her expression stays stony, even though she wants nothing more than to cry when she thinks about this whole situation.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean victim in a bad way. It's just the way we talk about cases like this at work."

"This isn't one of your cases, Jane. This is me and your daughter you're talking about. If Andrew had tried something I need to believe that she would have said something to us, because I can't send her out into the world every day knowing that she would hide her pain from us."

"I never should've said-"

"Your fears are valid. I know you just want to protect her but I truly do not believe that Andrew is someone that she needs protection from."

"I'll take your word for it. Either way, she isn't in his classroom anymore so my work is done."

"You're the reason I got switched to the other class?" Addi asks, anger on her face, as she walks quickly into the kitchen. "I really liked that class. Dr. Pierce is nice and he was the first person at that frigging school that was nice to me."

"Ads, it's a very complicated situation." Maura tries to reason with her daughter.

"I don't care. You could've at least talked to me about it first instead of sneaking around and making everyone pretend that I was smart enough to be in that new class." Addi is fuming, her face is red, her breathing is heavy and her fists are clenched so tight that her knuckles are white.

"Addison, you are so smart."

"Just not smart enough to do it on my own."

"Bumping you up a grade level was never part of the plan. You did that all on your own." Jane reaches for Addi's arm but she shrugs further away. "You need to trust that we didn't do anything to get you into that class."

"Why should I trust you? You lied to my face once already."

"I know you're upset but that doesn't allow you to speak to me and your Mama that way."

"I don't care about being polite. Why should I? You clearly don't." Addi yells and starts to walk away but Jane grabs her arm to stop her.

"Fine, I understand you're upset because we lied to you. So why don't we tell you the truth?"

"Everything?" Addi asks, looking at Maura.

"Everything; take a seat."

Maura and Jane do their best to explain the whole story to Addison and she seems to calm down a bit when she hears their motives for switching her class.

"Just so you know he never did, you know, try anything." She says, looking down, embarrassed.

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear that." Jane says with a genuine relief that her daughter is safe.

"Mom, I'm sorry that happened to you."

Maura wraps her arms around Addi and is happy when she doesn't shrug away.

"Thank you baby, but I had as much of a say in the situation as he did."

"Not according to the law; and besides he was old enough to know that what he was doing was illegal." Addi defends, sounding exactly like Jane.

"I suppose you're right but sometimes you don't realize the severity of a situation until you've been out of it for a while. He and I thought we were in love."

Addi tries to picture Maura in a relationship with a man, but she can't do it. Of course she knew that Maura had been with men before or else there would be no Oliver. It's just difficult for her to picture her parents with anyone other than each other. Their love just seems to fit. She smiles to herself knowing that they both do what they do because they love her and Oliver so much. She is grateful to be theirs.

"Well, what's in the past is in the past, right?"

"Exactly, we just want you to be safe and to make good, smart choices because you, young lady, are incredibly intelligent and we are so proud of you for getting into that new class."

"Thanks Mom."

Addi feels a little better knowing the full story and is relieved to know her moms aren't fighting. They rarely do, but when they get mad at each other it makes Addi extremely uncomfortable.

"Alright genius, why don't you go upstairs and finish your homework; make sure your brother is doing the same, alright?"

"Yeah like Oliver needs any persuading to do his homework."

Addi giggles to herself and hurries up the stairs.

"Do you think we did the right thing?"

"What? Telling her?" Maura nods. "I do. She deserves to know the truth. She's not a little girl anymore, as terrifying as that is to accept."

"They're both too smart. We could be in big trouble soon."

"Oh Maur, I think we already are."


	12. Oh, What a Night

Oh, What a Night

"Hey Ads," Amelia greets her friend in the hallway that Friday morning, "what are you doing after our game tonight?"

"Um, nothing, I don't think, why?"

"We were thinking of doing a sleepover at my place; Kyla, Sam, Violet, and maybe a few of the other girls, you in?"

Addi hesitates, she had never been to a sleepover, she had never even slept anywhere but her own house, except at a hotel a couple times and those nights didn't go so well. She fidgets with her uniform blazer.

"Uh, maybe," She tries to play it cool, "I'll have to ask my moms and stuff."

"Yeah of course, just let me know."

"Okay, I will." As Amelia walks away she lets out a deep breath.

"What was that?" A sudden voice startles her and makes her jump.

"God Oliver, don't do that." She hits his arm and gets a warning glare from a teacher walking by, "That's Amelia; she's on the soccer team."

"Shouldn't you be in class right now?"

"Shouldn't you?" She shoots back with a raised eyebrow.

"I have a free period. I'm going to the library." He looks around nervously, "I should go." He tries to push by her but there's a voice behind her that makes her turn around.

"Hey Ollie."

She looks at the boy. He is tall, taller than Oliver, with pale skin and freckles covering the majority of his face. His bleach blonde hair is a messy mop on top of his head, a stark contrast to the neat, gelled style Oliver wears to school. His eyes sparkle and he smiles when Ollie waves and says 'hey' back.

"Are you ready?" He asks with a smooth deep voice that does not sound like it would belong to him.

"Yeah, just a sec," Ollie looks to his sister who is also smiling, "Tuck, this is my sister, Addison."

"Oh hey, it's awesome to meet you." She is surprised when he hugs her.

"Yeah you too," She feels awkward against his tall, bony stature. The warning bell rings, "Oh I should go before I get written up." She looks into her brother's eyes. "Have a good free period you two."

Oliver pushes the back of her head as she walks past him. She can hear them talking almost all the way down the empty hallway.

"She seems awesome. She's so pretty."

She can tell he is a very enthusiastic person which makes her laugh to herself when she thinks of Oliver's usually dry, solemn, solitary demeanor. She slips into her English class trying to go as unnoticed as possible, not wanting any strikes against her on her fifth day in the class. Isaac smiles at her and she can't help but think maybe he is starting like her too. She has been doing exceedingly well in the class and he seems to be impressed. They've been sharing notes and even chose to be partners for a research project but she's trying not to get her hopes up, not yet anyway.

"Nice of you to join us," Mrs. Campbell says, looking at Addison but smiling to show she isn't actually mad.

"How did you see that?"

"I have eyes on the back of my head."

"God, now you sound like my mom."

"Which one?" A kid in the back of the class asks, eliciting a giggle from some of his friends.

Addi tenses, knowing it wasn't meant to be a lighthearted joke. She clenches her fists but doesn't say anything.

"Excuse me Taylor, that wasn't appropriate." Mrs. Campbell says, noticing the look on Addi's face.

"What? Her moms are dykes, aren't they?" He directs his question to Addi who is staring at her desk trying to ignore him.

"What the hell is your problem man?" Isaac jumps up from his desk at the use of the derogatory term. "What did she do to you? Do you want everyone spreading your family's business around? Because I really don't think you do," He says like he knows something nobody else does.

Addi hasn't moved, frozen in her spot stuck in between her mothers' voices in her head telling her to ignore people like Taylor and her instinct to walk over and punch him.

"Isaac, sit down please," Mrs. Campbell says.

He hesitates but one look at Addi's pleading eyes and he sits down, looking apologetically at his friend.

"Taylor, go to the principal's office, now."

Her tone tells everyone that she isn't messing around but Taylor doesn't seem to care.

"I'm getting sent to the office for speaking the truth?"

"You are being sent to the office for using inappropriate terms in the classroom." She points towards the door, "Go. I am going to call down and let them know you are on your way so they can ensure you get there this time."

Before he leaves he gives one final look at Addi who is fighting tears. She knows there are people out in the world who don't accept and don't understand her mothers' love but it still somehow seems to surprise her when they vocalize it, especially when they do it so aggressively.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Addi asks and receives a sympathetic nod from her teacher.

When she gets out into the hallway she wipes her eyes that have a few tears underneath them now. She leans against a locker and takes a few deep breaths. She wants to run away or disappear; not out of fear, but of disappointment in herself for not standing up for her parents like Isaac had. She is so deep in the spiral of her thoughts she doesn't notice Mrs. Campbell walk up beside her.

"Are you alright?"

She blinks a few times before it registers that she needs to answer the question.

"As alright as I ever am in these situations."

Mrs. Campbell's brow furrows, "Does this happen a lot?"

"Not so much anymore. You know everyone wants to prove they're more liberal and progressive than the next guy but there are still some people who feel it's their business to tell us what they think about our family."

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry about? You didn't say those things."

"You don't need to be guilty of something to feel bad about it. Addison, I'm sure you already know this but people will always feel the need to voice their opinions about everything and unfortunately ignorance breeds ignorance."

"It just feels like no progress is being made."

"I disagree," Mrs. Campbell sits down on the floor and Addi does the same, "look at Isaac, how he stood up for you and your family. He did that because he knows your mothers' sexual orientation doesn't affect the kind of people they are. When you feel stuck or like the whole world is against your family, look for the Isaacs, look for the good people who are willing to defend the other good people. That's the only way anything is ever going to feel okay."

"I'll try."

'That's all you can do." She offers her usual warm smile and stands up, wiping the dust from her skirt. "I need to go back in there but take all the time you need out here."

"Thank you."

"Anytime Addison," She walks back through the door of the classroom, leaving Addi in the empty hallway.

She decides not to tell Ollie or her moms about what happened. She sees Taylor in the hall later in the day surrounded by his friends; how he has any is beyond her. He meets her eye line and makes a kissy face and Addi looks away in disgust.

In the locker room Addi is changing into her uniform.

"Do you guys know Taylor Kail?" This gets a chorus of groans from almost all of the girls.

"Yeah why?" Kyla asks, "Because if you say you think he's cute or something I might throw up."

"Oh hell no. he was just giving me kind of a hard time today and I was just wondering if you know him."

"Let me guess, he was being a jerk about your moms?" Amelia asks with a knowing tone, sitting down on the bench to put on her cleats.

"Yeah, he's done it to you too?"

"Not Taylor, but his older brother Morgan. He's in my class."

"Oh God, there's two of them?"

The girls laugh at her disgusted tone.

"Yup, I don't know what any of us ever did to deserve it."

The girls win their game, the third in a row.

"So freshman, you coming to my place tonight?"

"Oh, uh, I haven't had a chance to ask."

"No worries. Everyone is coming over around 7:30, just text me if you're gonna come." Amelia says slinging her bag over her shoulder and sauntering out of the locker room.

Oliver and Tuck came to the game since Jane and Maura both had to work late. She changes out of her uniform quickly, not bothering to use the crappy locker room showers and she rushes back to the field where she finds the boys.

"Hey guys," She greets them, still not completely sure how to interact with Tuck.

"Hey Addison," He says enthusiastically as he had earlier in the day, "you played great. You were so fast and when you got that goal, man!" Addi can't help but giggle at this boy.

"Thanks, at least somebody is enthusiastic about it, cause I know Ollie couldn't care less about soccer, or any sport really."

Ollie smirks and nods his head, completely agreeing with his little sister.

"All my interest comes from jealousy. I don't have a single athletic bone in my scrawny body."

"He's an artist." Ollie offers as they all start walking in the direction of their house.

"Oh yeah? That's cool."

"Yeah, I think so. I paint mostly."

"That's awesome."

The more Addi talks to Tuck the more him and her brother make sense. He is warm and can make you feel great with just a few words, and it didn't hurt that he was pretty attractive.

"Well this is me." Tuck says, a few streets down from their own.

"Nice to meet you Addison, I'm sure I'll see you around." He says, giving her another hug.

"Yeah I hope so." She says with her own warm smile.

She walks up ahead a little to give the boys their privacy to say goodbye. Out of the corner of her eye she sees them hug and give each other a quick peck on the lips. Ollie takes a few quick strides to catch up to his sister.

"You two seem to be getting pretty cozy."

"Yeah I guess," He shrugs.

"Any progress on the situation?"

"I don't know. I mean he's really nice and I like him a lot. I just don't know if I like him as a friend or if I like him more than that." The confusion is clear in his voice as he runs a hand through his hair that has already come loose from its gel.

"Do you think any of that hesitation comes from keeping it all a secret?" he just shrugs, "Well what I said still stands. I won't say anything until you do."

"Thanks Ads."

"Anytime bro," She says flippantly while pushing open the front door. Before she could even shut the door her moms pull up the driveway.

"So?" Jane asks immediately after getting out of the driver's seat.

"We won."

"I knew it!" Jane says, hugging her daughter, "Any goals?"

"One."

"That's awesome kid. You guys just might have a chance at being undefeated this season if you girls keep playing the way you have been."

"Yeah, that's what coach said too. I think it's still too early in the season to tell."

Maura hugs and kisses both of her children as they move into the house.

"So what's on the docket for the weekend guys?"

"I have to work on my campaign so I'm going to be writing my speech and making posters all weekend." Ollie says, already pulling books from his backpack.

"What about you Addi?"

"I was actually invited to a sleepover at Amelia's tonight, can I go?"

Maura and Jane share the look she expected them to share. She knows they're nervous, probably just as nervous as she is.

"Yeah, sure sweetheart. That sounds like a lot of fun." Maura says, not even she is convinced by her words.

"Alright, cool," Addi says.

"Are you sure you want to sleepover? If you want to go over for a bit me or mom could come get you later, we wouldn't mind." Jane offers.

Addi seriously considers this.

"No, I want to stay. Everyone else is. It might be weird if I left." She rubs her hands together. "I need to go shower." She disappears up the stairs.

"Are we really going to let her go?" Jane asks.

"I don't see what choice we have. We have no valid reason to say no and we already told her she could go." Maura reasons, even though she shares her wife's concerns.

"I think she'll be fine." Ollie chimes in, neither woman knowing he was even paying attention to what was going on. "I mean, she's been doing a lot better, right? Plus her friends seem really nice. She should go."

Jane gives a satisfied look at her son. His protective nature sometimes takes her by surprise, especially when it comes to his younger sister.

"Ollie's right, and worse comes to worse she can call one of us and we'll go get her." Jane says, a little more confidently this time, "we'll make sure she knows that."

It's a strange thought to both women that they are just now having first sleepover anxiety when their daughter is fourteen years old. Usually these things happen when a child is six or seven but Addison is not a usual kid and they all know this.

Maura walks up to Addi's bedroom where she just got out of the shower and is packing an overnight bag. She is deciding what pajamas to bring when Maura lies across the bed with a smile on her face.

"What? Are you gonna say I can't go?"

Maura is a little hurt that after seven years her daughter can still be so distrusting of her mothers but she knows she has to do her best not to take it personally.

"I was checking in. I wanted to make sure this is what you want to do. You know there's no shame in leaving early or not going at all."

Addi throws a t-shirt into her duffel bag.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just frustrating."

"What is baby?"

"The fact that I'm fourteen years old, I'm a freshman in high school, and a stupid sleepover is this big of a deal."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed, I'm annoyed."

"Well it's nothing to be annoyed with yourself about either. Everybody does everything at their own pace."

"Even stupid sleepovers?"

"Even stupid sleepovers," Maura confirms, "So what if you haven't been to a sleepover before? I'm sure there are things you've done that those girls haven't; things that would make them nervous."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Oh I don't know. Spending time in an autopsy room comes to mind."

"That doesn't count. That's where you work."

"I doubt any of them have done it; and it comes second nature to you just like sleepovers come second nature to them."

"I guess you're right."

Maura gives her a satisfied smile, knowing she's done at least a little bit to calm her daughter's nerves.

"Pack the plaid pajama pants. They're adorable."

Addi tosses them into her bag and stops Maura before she walks out of the room to give her a tight hug. She doesn't say anything but Maura knows this a thank you.

Jane pulls her car up the driveway to the adorable little Cape Cod style house that belongs to Amelia and her family.

"Wow, seven of them live here?"

"I guess so." Addi shrugs and starts to get out of the car but is stopped by a hand on her arm.

"Remember if you want to come home just call us. I don't care what time it is, I'll come get you."

"Okay, I got it."

"Do you?" Jane asks, dipping her head down to make her daughter look her in the eye.

"Yeah, I got it, thank you." Addi leans over and gives her Mama a kiss on the cheek, "I love you."

"Love you too baby. Have fun tonight."

Addi waves and walks up to the front door. She takes a breath, grips her bag's strap tighter, and rings the doorbell. A woman with long red hair, falling half way down her back and sparkling green eyes answers the door.

"Hi there, you must be Addison," Addi nods, "Come on in sweetheart."

Addi walks inside and is greeted by the sound of kids laughing and yelling, a welcomed change from the usual quiet of her house. It smells like pumpkin and there are candles lit throughout the few rooms she can see from where she's standing.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Catherine," The woman extends her hand and Addison gives her a firm handshake.

"Nice to meet you too."

"The girls are upstairs in Mimi's room," Addi bites the inside of her cheek to keep herself from laughing at the nickname, "It's right upstairs, first door on your left, you can't miss it."

"Thanks," She walks up the carpeted staircase into the bedroom where five girls are all crammed onto the bed, "Hey Mimi," She greets sarcastically.

"Oh no, she didn't." Amelia says, her face falling. All the other girls giggle, "I asked her not to call me that anymore." Amelia joins in on the giggles, "Come on in. You can throw your bag on the pile over there."

Addi tosses her duffel bag on top of the others and sits on the floor, Kyla moves to sit next to her.

"So what do you guys want to do?" Amelia asks.

All the girls shrug and look at Addi.

"Oh uh, I don't know; whatever you normally do at sleepovers."

"What do you normally do at your sleepovers?" Kyla asks.

"Well if I'm being totally honest, I've never been to one."

There's a moment of silence and then Amelia clears her throat, "Then I guess the pressure is on to make this a kick ass sleepover."

Addi smiles relieved that none of them made fun of her. They decide to paint their nails and do makeup based on tutorials they found on Youtube.

"Okay, I don't know about you guys but I'm starving," Amelia says an hour or so later while dramatically rubbing her stomach.

"I could eat."

They walk down into the kitchen, Amelia's mom, Catherine, is standing at the counter with two small children.

"Ads, you already met my mom, but these are the twins Harper and Hadley."

They both have red hair, green eyes, and freckles. They are no doubt Catherine's biological children.

"Hi," Addi waves at the kids

"Say hi to Amelia's friend guys." Catherine prompts the two kids who couldn't be more than six years old. They both shrink into their mother and wave.

"Sorry, they're a little shy, we're working on that. Right girls?" They nod.

"That's okay," Addi says to the girls, "me too." She winks and smiles and notices smiles creeping onto both of their faces.

"Come on let's give the big kids some privacy." Catherine ushers them into the living room.

"What's up nerds?" A boy's voice comes from the front door.

"Hey Grey," Amelia greets the very attractive kid with dark curly hair and chocolate eyes and skin to match.

"What's going on?" He puts down his backpack, he looks like he just came from a practice or something, he is sweaty and his cheeks are red.

"Sleepover," Amelia answers simply, grabbing a bag of popcorn from one of the cabinets.

"Well I could've guessed that," He grabs a water bottle from the fridge and stops when Addi catches his eye, "You're new." His smile makes Addi weak in the knees.

"Hi, I'm Addison," She says, trying not to stumble over her words.

"I'm Greyson, Amelia's brother. You play on the team?"

"Yeah, Ads is our new striker."

"My condolences."

"What?"

"Grey thinks he's all badass because he's a sophomore and plays varsity midfielder for St. John's; but I hate to break it to you but Addi is starting striker as a freshman." Amelia says with a cocky grin.

"Is that so?" He looks at Addi who nods, taking the hint to flaunt it, "Well looks like we're gonna have to battle it out. You know, to see who's really the better player."

"I guess we will."

Their eyes linger on each other for a while until they're interrupted by Amelia's voice.

"Alright now leave us alone. No boys allowed." She says jokingly, "You guys want to watch a scary movie?"

All the girls nod and walk towards the stairs. The truth is Addi isn't big on horror movies. She's witnessed enough scary things to last a lifetime. After the movie is over the girls are sitting in a circle talking, trying their best to be quiet because the last time they got too loud and woke the twins and Amelia wasn't allowed to have any sleepovers for months.

"Hey Amelia, where's your bathroom?"

"Oh yeah, the one upstairs is broken, I'll show you to the other one."

She follows Amelia through the kitchen and into a small bathroom. When she looks in the mirror she can't help but smile; the sleepover is going a million times better than she could have imagined. She quickly washes her hands and splashes some cool water on her face. She is starting to get tired but she definitely doesn't want to be the first one to fall asleep. When she walks back into the kitchen the front door opens and a woman in scrubs walks into the house. She is tall with dark hair and long limbs. She jumps a little when she notices Addi standing there.

"Oh, you scared me," She says, placing a hand over her heart, but with a smile on her face.

"Sorry."

"It's no problem," She waves her hand, "Who might you be?"

"Oh right, I'm Addison Rizzoli-Isles. I'm one of Amelia's teammates."

The woman stands silent for a moment before speaking much more quietly than she just had been.

"You're Maura Isles' daughter?"

This surprises Addi.

"You know my mom?"

"Believe it or not I know you."


	13. All it Takes is a Little Love

All it Takes is a Little Love

"Have we met?"

"I wouldn't expect you to remember but yes we've met; around six or seven years ago when you were brought into my operating room."

"You mean…" Addi lets her hand travel idly to her scar.

"Yes, I worked very closely with your mother for those few months that you were in the hospital's care. It's great to see you doing so well."

Addi's vision starts to get blurry as she wonders how she could treat this situation like it's normal.

"My name is Donna, I operated on you the first and third time you had surgery."

Addi isn't sure what to say. There is a woman standing in front of her who has seen her in the most vulnerable position she's ever been in and she is a complete stranger. Even worse than that, she is her friend's mom. She could ruin everything before she really gets a chance to enjoy it. Amelia walks down the stairs.

"Oh hey Ads, I thought you got lost or something. Mom, this is Addison."

"We just met." Donna winks at Addi when Amelia isn't looking, signaling that the secret would remain between them, at least for now.

"Uh, Amelia, I'm not feeling so good all of a sudden. I think I'm gonna call my Mama to come pick me up."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah I think I'm getting a migraine."

She isn't lying. The whole situation is too much. Her fun night ruined, just like that. She walks out of the room to call Jane. She feels guilty for calling in the middle of the night even though she said she wouldn't be mad.

"Hello?" Jane's voice answers on the fourth ring; it's even raspier than usual and Addi knows she was fast asleep after a long week.

"Mama?" With her daughter's distressed voice Jane wakes up quickly, sitting straight up in bed.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She asks already getting out of bed, being careful not to wake Maura, who needs her sleep just as much as she does.

"I'm sorry, can you come pick me up, please?"

"Of course, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"Alright hang tight kid. I'll be right there." Jane says softly, slipping on a sweatshirt and looking for her sneakers. "Are you sure you want to come home?"

'Yes." Her voice is desperate, whispering so her friend and her mother don't hear.

"Okay baby, I'll be there in a few." Jane hangs up the phone and rushes out to her car.

Addi walks back into the kitchen, both Amelia and Donna are still standing there.

"So you're going home?" Amelia asks and she seems almost disappointed. Addi nods, "Okay, I'll go grab your stuff from my room."

Amelia disappears up the stairs and Addi is grateful she doesn't have to face the other girls.

"Please tell me you're not leaving because of me."

Addi shakes her head, not giving the most convincing argument.

"Just know that if this is something you want to keep private I completely understand. I won't say anything."

Addi gives half a smile at the woman who saved her life seven years ago. Amelia comes back down the stairs with Addi's duffel bag and a DVD in her other hand.

"Here," She hands her the bag, "and I grabbed The Sound of Music. I figured if you're not feeling good you could watch it. I still can't believe you haven't seen it."

Addi takes it and zips it into her bag.

"What can I say? I've lived a sheltered life." She shares a look with Donna as she says this.

"Well I am beat. I'm going to head up to bed, doll face." Donna says, kissing her daughter's cheek. "Have a good night Addison. Feel better, alright?"

"Thanks Mrs. Harrison." Addi says, still feeling very awkward around this woman.

"Holland actually," Amelia corrects.

"Right, thank you, Mrs. Holland, have a good night."

"I hope to see you around here again sometime." She says as she disappears up the stairs.

Headlights shine through the windows and the quiet hum of a car engine can be heard outside.

"I think my Mama's here."

"Okay," Amelia walks Addi over to the door. "Ads, you did great tonight. I only lasted two hours at my first slumber party."

"Yeah and how old were you? Six, seven?"

"So what? A first is a first and you kicked ass." Amelia pushes Addi's shoulder gently knowing she has a headache. "Feel better and we'll try again another night; maybe with less people, maybe at your house."

"Yeah that'd be cool; and I'll give that movie a watch tomorrow." She opens the door, "See you later, Mimi."

"Whatever freshman."

Addi is shocked by the cold air blowing through her pajama shirt. It stings her nose as she tries to take a deep breath before getting into Jane's car.

"Hi baby,"

One look at her mother and Addi can tell she is exhausted. The guilt she felt as she dialed the phone returns and she feels like she could cry right there in the passenger's seat. Jane must be able to see this because she runs a hand through Addi's hair and asks,

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, can we just talk about it tomorrow?"

"Sure, let's get you home, huh?"

On the ride home Addi listens to the quiet, barely audible music from the oldie's station on the radio. She leans her forehead against the cold glass and watches as the traffic lights turn the fog from her breath red then green. It only takes a few minutes for them to pull into their driveway. Addi always thought their house looked so weird at night; no lights are on, there is barely any noise on their street and the usual life that takes over their house every day is stilled while everyone sleeps.

Jane kisses her daughter on the cheek as she wraps up in her comforter, gripping her stuffed turtle.

"You sure you don't want me to stay in here tonight? I don't mind."

"No, go sleep in your own bed. I wouldn't want Mom to get lonely." Addi says with a genuine smile.

"No, no one wants that now do they?"

Addi shakes her head. Jane wraps Addi even tighter in her blankets and kisses the top of her head three times. She leans her forehead to Addi's and whispers,

"I love you kid."

"I love you too Mama. Good night."

"Good night."

Jane flips off the lamp and leaves the room, closing the door halfway behind her. She tip toes down the wooden floorboards in the hallway back to her bedroom where Maura is still dead to the world. Her arm is over her face, covering her eyes and the covers have been kicked off of her legs. Jane smiles at how unkempt and messy the always poised and graceful Maura Isles looks when she sleeps. She's thought a million times about taking pictures for future blackmail; and tonight makes a million and one. But she likes knowing that she's one of only three people in the world that gets to see her like this; completely unguarded, unrehearsed, and comfortable.

She crawls into bed and Maura, as if on instinct, curls into her side.

"You okay?" She mumbles still mostly asleep.

"I'm fine baby, go back to sleep." She doesn't get another word from Maura so she knows she is back in her deep sleep. She closes her eyes but her mind keeps going back to the sound of Addi's voice on the phone and the look on her face when she got into the car. Not knowing what's wrong is going to keep her up for a majority of the night, or at least what's left of it.

Addi doesn't get much sleep either. She can't get comfortable and all the thoughts about her surgeries make her scar itch. She tosses and turns in her bed making a mess of the sheets and her hair until six in the morning when she falls asleep to the chirping birds and the hazy blue sky which has begun to give light through her blinds.

"So what happened?" Maura asks Jane as they lie in bed together the next morning.

"I don't know. She said she wanted to talk about it in the morning. She seemed unsettled but not necessarily scared. So I don't think it was a nightmare and I really don't think it was a problem with the other girls because she probably would've just told me that. I really don't know." Jane shrugs, sinking further into her pillows.

"A case even Detective Jane Rizzoli can't solve." Maura says sarcastically.

There's a noise in the hallway that piques both of their interests.

"Addi, baby is that you?"

Oliver pushes the door open, shaking his head. He is fully dressed and ready for the day.

"Nope, it's just me."

"Where are you going so early?"

"I was going to meet a friend for breakfast. Is that okay?"

"Sure sweetheart. Do you need some money?" Maura asks, still surprised to see her son up so early on a Saturday.

"No I'm good. I have all my tutoring money." He says, tapping his jacket pocket.

"Alright have fun." Before Maura can even finish her sentence he is heading towards the stairs, tossing back a quick 'love you'.

"He seems happy this morning." Jane says with a smirk.

"At least one of our kids is happy today."

"She'll be alright, Maur, you'll see. She's our little fighter."

"It's just unfair. I feel like every time a good thing comes for her something bad happens and takes it all away."

"Some people just need to fight a little harder for their happiness." Jane says knowingly, running her fingers up and down the bare skin of her wife's arm, "but when they do finally get it, truly get it, they can appreciate it a million times more than the people who have never had anything bad ever happen to them."

"That hardly seems fair. No one should have to suffer just to feel joy."

"It isn't fair but that girl in there, she will wake up one day and realize she's actually happy. She won't think about Wendell Miller or losing her parents or any of the bad stuff she's been through. For a whole day not one of those things will go through her head and she'll laugh and smile and it will be the greatest day because after all this time, she'll have gotten what she deserves."

Maura feels as if she could cry listening to her wife's words. She can tell this is something Jane has thought a lot about. She knows they're true and she wishes more than anything for them to come true and to see her daughter happy and not hurting after watching her struggle for the past seven years.

Later in the day around one o'clock in the afternoon Maura walks downstairs and leans over the back of the couch where Jane is sitting reading over case files.

"She's still out?"

"Her vitals are fine. I figure it best if we just let her sleep."

"Poor thing is probably worn out between school and soccer and whatever happened last night."

"I'm sure she is." Maura nods, taking a seat beside her wife, covering her legs with a blanket and propping her laptop on her thighs.

They work silently side by side like they've been doing for years. They observe and acknowledge each other's quirks and habits without letting them distract from the work. Jane listens to Maura's hums of understanding as she reads something off of her screen and she feels her hand idly run along the denim of her jeans. Maura catches glimpses of Jane's tightly furrowed brow and watches her rub her scars absentmindedly while staring off into space thinking about something in her files. After another hour Addison finally rolls out of bed. Her eyes feel like they're filled with sand. The outside of them have crust and leftover makeup in the corners and stuck to her long eyelashes. She pulls on the nearest sweatshirt and walks slowly down the stairs, feeling like she has slept for an entire year. She tries to push away the butterflies in her stomach while she thinks about the news she's about to share with her moms; because she knows they are dying to hear about what happened the night before.

"Hi love bug." Jane greets Addi, looking up from her paperwork.

Addi smiles lazily as she walks directly to the refrigerator to get water. Her tongue feels ten times too big for her mouth because it's so dry.

"You slept good, huh?" She asks, trying to prompt her daughter to say something but she just shrugs again.

In her mind she is trying to practice what it is exactly she's going to say. She drinks a glass and a half of water and it feels cold in her empty stomach. She walks over to the couch and is welcomed into the space between her mothers. They're warm and safe and that's what she needs to keep reminding herself as her heart rate increases and she feels her cheeks start to blush.

"So do you want to talk about what happened last night?"

She swallows hard, choosing to not look at either of them and instead stare at the carvings on the side of the wooden coffee table.

"Uh, I don't really know how to tell you this."

"You can tell us anything sweetheart, you know that." Maura gently reminds her, "Are you afraid that we'll be made about something?"

Addi shakes her head, "No not mad. Scared maybe or freaked out." She sighs, "I don't know." She adds sounding a little more defeated with every word.

"The only way to know is to tell us, right?"

"You know how Amelia has two moms?" She feels her mothers nod, "Well their names are Catherine Harrison and Donna Holland." She says going for the indirect route.

She doesn't think the name is going to register until she feels Maura tense up next to her. She waits for someone else to say something.

"I don't-"

"Dr. Donna Holland?" Maura asks, cutting off her wife.

Addi nods, looking even further down at the floor.

"And she recognized you?"

"She recognized the name."

"Hang on a second. What am I missing? Who is Donna Holland and why does she know you?" Jane asks looking at Addi, but Maura is the one to answer.

"Dr. Holland is a trauma surgeon at Boston Children's."

"So she's the one who…"

"Saved Addison's life, yes; twice if I recall correctly."

"You do." Addi says, remembering the conversation from last night.

"That must have been pretty weird for you, seeing her so suddenly." Jane says, running a hand over Addi's messy, knotted ponytail, trying her best to read her daughter's expression, but just like the night before she looks blank. "Ads?"

"It's just like, every time I think I'm finally starting to move on from that part of my life and I think I'm actually going to be happy something yanks me back to that night all over again. I just feel like I'm always starting over."

Both women are heartbroken. Jane is the first to speak,

"Maybe you are starting over again," Addi looks at her wide eyed, this is clearly not what she was expecting to hear, "but if you are then it's to get you wherever you're supposed to be. Maybe you lost your parents because for some reason we were meant to find you and bring you into this family. Maybe you and Amelia met and became friends because you were supposed to reconnect with Dr. Holland for some reason."

"Like what?"

"I don't know but the only way to find out is to be brave enough to continue down this path."

"I don't think I'm brave enough."

"Oh I think you are," Maura starts, "you're the bravest person I know."

"What about Mama?" Addi asks with the ghost of a smile on her face, despite the unshed tears in her eyes.

"I think some days you're even braver than Mama."

Addi looks between her moms and Jane nods, firmly believing this to be true.

"The days of all your different surgeries, the day you started at a new school, joining a new family; these things are all incredibly brave."

"Maybe but what about fighting bad guys? That's even braver."

"I think what you do is so incredible because when I go fight all the bad guys I can leave work, lock up my gun, take off my badge, and stop for a while. But your bravery, that's twenty-four-seven babe."

Jane gives her a warm smile and notices a glimmer of surprise in Addi's emerald eyes. She truly didn't believe that she was brave somehow this is all news to her.

"What scares you the most about what happened?"

"I guess," Addi stops to think for a minute even though she knows exactly what it is. "I guess it's that if she says something about knowing me, even accidentally, my secret is out and I might lose all my friends. I don't want to lose them, not after I just got them, you know?"

"Sweetheart if they don't want to be friends with you because of your past, if they can't handle it, then they were never really your friends to begin with."

"Mom's right, never hide part of yourself to make the rest of you look better. If they're your friends they're going to love all of you. Never compromise part of yourself for other people."

Addi nods but Jane has a feeling she doesn't fully understand; she remembers being a teenager and her mom telling her the same thing. She tilts Addi's chin up with her middle and index fingers.

"I would hate to lose any part of the incredibly amazing kid you are. I won't stand for it and neither will Mom and I know your Mom and Dad would never in a million years want you to change for the sake of people who don't love you."

At the mention of her biological parents Addi's eyes swim in tears, they're glassy and red and if she was alone she would be crying. That was definitely part of her that hasn't changed; she has never liked letting people see her cry.

"Do you understand?" Maura asks, a hand placed firmly on the small of Addi's back.

Addi leans into her mother's side, "I think I'm starting to."

They sit in silence for a little while all deep in thought.

"I know I have to tell Amelia the truth, but it's still my choice when I'm ready, right?" She asks, looking at Jane because that's what she had said last time they talked about it.

"Of course it is baby."

"Then I think I'm gonna wait a little while longer."

"That's fine. I'm very proud of you."

"What? Why?"

"Because you looked one of the scariest things that's ever happened to you right in the face and you still came to us and you told us what happened. You could've hidden it from us or you could've lied but you didn't."

"Why would I lie? You guys are my best friends."

Both women smile at this. Addi has never said anything like this before. After another long silence she says,

"Maybe that's the reason you guys found me."

She snuggles into both of her mothers, thankful she has them to confide in. Jane and Maura having both worked on the case know every gory detail of what happened to the first four victims, to Daniel and Elizabeth, and of course to Addison. Jane was in the hospital room with Addi as she gave her statement and in the courtroom when she recounted the events again. Her daughter's words about that night are forever burned into her brain. Seven year old Addison's voice echoes in the back of her head as she holds onto her daughter tightly on the couch.


	14. Make You Feel My Love

Make You Feel My Love

The weight of her current situation becomes too much for Addi as she stands in the shower after talking to her moms. She hugs herself around the waist as water pelts her body. She thinks it might be too hot but she can't bring herself to turn it down. She lets her tears fall and sobs wrack through her entire body. She can't care right now how loud she's being.

Jane is standing outside the bathroom door listening to her daughter's cries. She bites her lip and fights the urge to go in or call out to her, anything to get her to stop. Maura's warm arms wrap around her waist and she grabs onto her wrists desperately.

"She'll be okay, Jane. She just needs to let her emotions out."

Jane nods telling her wife that she had heard her.

"She needs this. It's probably good for her." Maura continues, trying to convince Jane and herself at the same time.

Jane turns around to look at her wife's face without breaking the embrace. Maura uses her thumbs to wipe away a tear and smiles sadly at her.

"I wish that there was a way to convince her that what's happened to her doesn't make her damaged, or weird, or whatever it is she thinks it makes her. I want her to see what we see in her, you know?"

"Nobody will ever see in themselves what their loved ones see in them. It's unfortunate but it's the way our brains are programmed."

Jane nods, knowing it's true; she sees it in Maura's own insecurities for as long as she's known her, in Oliver too. But her wife and son have enough self-esteem elsewhere that it doesn't affect them as heavily as it always seems to affect Addison.

"What you said to her earlier was true though, she is incredibly brave, and as soon as both of you can let that fully sink in I think we'll all be a lot happier."

"I believe what I said or I wouldn't have said it."

"So maybe it's time to put your faith in her and let her prove it to herself."

"I hate seeing her in pain."

"So do I."

Neither of them know what else there is to say so they stay silent. The shower is still on but the cries have stopped. They decide it's probably best to not be standing there when she comes out so they go back downstairs. They both settle on the couch as Oliver walks through the door. Jane looks at the clock, it reads six o'clock.

"That must have been one hell of a breakfast kid."

"Sorry," Ollie plops onto the armchair with a broad smile on his face, "we got carried away at a few different bookstores and before I knew it, it was starting to get dark so I rushed home."

"Who were you with anyway?"

"Just one of the kids from my class, you don't know him." Jane lifts an eyebrow at her son's vague answer but he doesn't seem to notice. "So what did I miss around here?"

"Not much." He smirks, knowing she is making a point by being equally as secretive. He waves her off as he gets up to go to his bedroom.

"Dinner in an hour?"

"Sure sounds good. I'm starving." He disappears up the stairs.

Jane and Maura are left in silence once again. They both sigh at the same time.

"We need a vacation," Maura blurts out suddenly, "just the two of us."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that. In four years when both of the kids are out of the house." Jane smirks at her own attempt at a joke but her wife's face remains neutral.

"I'm serious. We should go away for a couple nights. We don't need to go far. I think we've earned a few days alone."

"We can look into it. I'm sure Ma or Frankie wouldn't mind watching the kids for a few nights."

"You're not joking."

"Nope, if you want to get away for a bit, I'll make it happen."

Maura can't help but smile at this. She loves how ready Jane is to make her happy, she always has been and she has never quite gotten used to the idea that there is someone in the world who would go to the lengths that Jane does just for her.

"Thank you baby."

"Always." Jane wraps her arms around her and lets her chin rest in the crook of her neck, taking in the scent of her honey blonde hair. She kisses her neck and feels her smile. She watches her neck muscles tense as she continues to brush her soft lips across her skin. She could do this for the rest of her life.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too; more than anything."

Maura entangles her long, slender fingers in Jane's dark brown curls. She pulls slightly making Jane look into her eyes with a deep, fiery love that still makes her knees buckle and her breath hitch in the back of her throat.

"Thank you for loving me."

"No thanks necessary. Thank you for letting me love you."

Jane places a kiss on her lips and grips the back of her neck making all the little hairs stand up on end.

"I can't wait to spend a few days just the two of us." Maura says when they break apart.

"In bed." Jane adds, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Don't be such a child." Maura slaps her shoulder, standing from the couch.

"Well am I wrong?"

"Wrong about what?" Addi asks as she walks into the kitchen.

"Nothing baby." Jane answers quickly before Maura can say anything and embarrass all of them. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah I think the shower helped a bit." She says, not knowing if they had heard her crying or not.

"Good I'm glad." Maura starts pulling out pans from the cabinets. "Addison would you like to help me cook dinner?"

Addi jumps at the chance to help her mom in the kitchen. She's always enjoyed helping Maura with things and exchanging idle conversation. She was drawn to Maura, or Dr. Isles as she knew her, for the first few months that they knew each other, almost instantly. Their bond is indescribable. Maura is convinced it's because she is so much like Jane, and Jane is convinced it's because she's so much like Maura. Either way, they always find happiness and comfort being around each other.

Jane leaves them to be alone and goes to find her son who she hasn't seen much of for the past few days. She can hear gentle classical music coming from his room from outside his door. She knocks a few times and waits for him to answer.

"Come in." He smiles at Jane as she walks in and sits on his perfectly made bed. "Hi Mama, what's up?"

"Oh not much,"

He is sitting at his desk, several books open in front of him with a notebook covered with his crappy, messy scrawl. The lamp light illuminates half of his face making his freckles visible and his hair look orange.

"I just wanted to check in with you, catch up a bit."

"Oh okay." He puts his pen down and swivels to look at her but doesn't say anything else.

"So have you started working on your campaign speech?"

"Yeah, a little, although I'm not that worried. I'm only running against one other kid and his main talking points have been making summer nine months long and getting pizza parties every day. So I think my more reasonable promises and I are safe."

"I don't know. I'd vote for pizza." Ollie laughs at this and then falls awkwardly into silence again.

He plays with the pull-string on his sweatshirt and Jane watches him closely trying to read the look on his face the way her kids always hate. He seems distracted which is rare for Oliver. He has been one of the most focused people Jane knows since he was a toddler.

"You okay, kid?"

"Yeah, I think I'm just tired. It's been a long day." He squints and pushes his glasses up further on his nose.

"Yeah, I get that." Jane clears her throat through the silence. "You know you can always come to me or mom, right?"

"What?"

"If you ever need to talk about anything, we're always right here. You know that right?"

"Yeah I know." He can't help but wonder if Jane is starting to catch on to his secret somehow, she is a detective after all. "Where is this coming from?" He asks, a little afraid of her answer.

"Nowhere really; I just wanted to make sure you know that. You're not a little kid anymore Ollie. I would hate for us to not know what's going on in that genius brain of yours because you thought you'd gotten too old to talk to your moms."

Ollie nods and gives a tight lipped smile. He feels guilty about keeping Tuck, and their relationship, a secret because he knows that no matter when he tells them they're going to blame themselves for making him feel like he couldn't tell them sooner.

"Thanks Mama, I know, I love you."

"I love you too." She ruffles his hair and starts out the door. "Oh and Mom roped Addi into helping with dinner so no promises yours won't have spit in it." He laughs again, a hearty laugh, as she quickly ducks out of the doorway.

After dinner is done and cleaned up, the family sits down to watch a movie. Addi pretty much has to beg Jane and Ollie to watch the Sound of Music but eventually they agree. She settles under the quilt cuddled up next to Maura who has her feet up on the coffee table and wraps her arm around her daughter. Ollie is splayed out across the armchair under the lamp with a book in his lap; Jane and Maura both have long given up on trying to get Ollie to not have a book open during family movie nights. Jane is lying across the rest of the couch next to Addi. She has vague memories of Julie Andrews running through the street swinging a guitar case around and climbing through trees with children but it has been many years since she last watched this movie.

A little more than halfway through the movie Ollie has given up on the musical and has gone up to his bedroom, Jane is doing work on her tablet and Addi is fast asleep on Maura's shoulder. Maura is the only one still fully invested in the movie on the screen finding it delightful and even somewhat educational. She has already made a mental note to have Addi watch the rest of it with her another night.

"We should probably get her to bed, huh?" Jane asks, standing and stretching her arms above her head, pulling Maura's focus from the film.

"Probably, I hate to wake her though. She's so peaceful."

"I don't understand how she's still so tired. She slept all day."

"I hope she's not getting sick."

"God that's the last thing she needs." Jane says, gently touching her daughter's forehead. "She's not warm so that's a good sign."

"We'll keep an eye on her. I'm sure she's fine. She's had an eventful week."

Jane nods in agreement with her wife and gently shakes Addi's shoulder until her eyelids flutter open.

"Hey kiddo, why don't you head up to bed?"

"But the movie isn't over." She says groggily, pointing at the screen where the Von Trapps are hiding from the Nazis.

"Nope, this thing never ends." Jane says, only half joking, "We'll finish it another time." She pulls Addi up by one of her arms and watches her walk upstairs like a zombie, "She's so exhausted."

"Hopefully some more sleep will give her some energy. I was going to take her shopping tomorrow."

"I'm sure she's very excited about that."

Both Jane and Maura know how much Addi hates shopping and find it humorous, until she really needs something and turns a shopping trip into a big ordeal.

"Well she will have to. She is in desperate need of some pants that don't look like they're about to fall off. Ever since she started soccer she has somehow gotten even tinier; which reminds me she needs new uniform skirts and soccer shorts."

Jane nods, barely listening, knowing the list is more for Maura than it is for her since she won't be going shopping and she'll be stuck at work all day.

"So I was looking into it and there's an adorable little inn not too far north of here in New Hampshire. I thought it would be a good place for us to take our vacation." Jane says showing Maura the inn's website.

"It's beautiful and I'm sure the foliage is gorgeous at this time of year."

"What do you say? Should I book it?"

"Yes."

"Alright; in one week we will be headed for New Hampshire." Jane says after clicking a few buttons on her wife's laptop.

"Perfect."

"What's the matter? You don't sound so excited. I thought you wanted to do this?"

"Of course I do."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I just feel bad about leaving Addison right now. There's been a lot of changes in her life and they are going to be moving Wendell Miller out of prison soon; so you know that will be all over the news."

"Maura, you can't feel guilty about living your life and needing a little time for yourself. How can you be expected to take care of Addi and Oliver if you don't take care of yourself first? She'll understand that we're not abandoning her."

"I suppose you're right."

"You bet I am," Jane wraps her arms around Maura, "and she won't be here alone. Ma or Frankie will be with them the whole time and we can call or facetime with them every night. They'll both be perfectly fine for a few days; hell they'll probably be thrilled to get rid of us for a little while." Jane keeps talking trying to think of everything possible to comfort her wife, "It will be good for them to spend some quality time with their Nona and their uncle."

"I'm sure Angela will be happy to cook for them, she loves our kitchen."

Jane smiles, knowing she has calmed her nerves and the trip is actually going to happen.

"I'm gonna go to bed I think." Jane says after a while of just enjoying the silence with her wife in her arms. She fights a yawn.

"Alright, I'll be up soon. Good night."

"Good night. I love you babe."

"I love you too."

Maura waits for the sound of their bedroom door closing before pressing play on the DVD player to finish the rest of the movie. After it's done she cleans up the living room a bit, folding blankets and bringing cups to the sink before she shuts off all the lights and walks up the stairs as quietly as she can. Even though it's not all that late everyone in the house seemed exceptionally tired tonight and she doesn't want to wake any of them up.

She checks on Oliver first. He is sound asleep with his glasses crooked on his face, his bedside lamp is still on and a book open on his chest. She takes his glasses off and places them on the nightstand on top of the book. She covers him with the quilt from the end of the bed, flips the light off and tiptoes on the carpet out of his room. Then she goes across the hall to Addison's room. She is also sound asleep. She is lying across the bed sideways, using her stuffed turtle as a pillow. Maura contemplates waking her up to move her to lie on the bed the right way but decides it isn't worth it and covers her with her own quilt; the one Angela knitted for her when they decided to adopt her. She slept with it every night for two years even when it was excruciatingly hot in the summer. She still spends most nights with it wrapped around her shoulders.

Maura lets her mind wander to when Angela first met Addison. Her loud, raspy voice scared her and she wouldn't talk to her at first but there is something about Angela that makes you love her almost instantly. She is candid and honest but she loves harder than anyone Maura knows and it's clear that Addi could sense that too. She runs her hand through her daughter's curls a few times as she watches her eyelashes jump with the movement of her eyeballs underneath her eyelids. She turns her light off and shuts the door halfway behind her.

When she walks into her bedroom it is nearly pitch black. Jane is just a lump under the blankets on their bed. She fumbles around trying to find her pajamas. She settles for a pair of shorts and one of Jane's oversized t-shirts. She pulls back the blankets and slides inside, listening closely to the sound of her wife's breathing. She falls asleep a little while later dreaming of the quaint little inn in New Hampshire.

The next day Maura had roped Addison into going to the mall to buy new clothes. They have already spent three hours in one store looking only at jeans. Addi's frustration and boredom are both growing quickly as Maura drags her into another store but before she can look at anything her phone rings.

"Dr. Isles."

Addi can tell by the way she answers that it's work.

"Alright, I'm on my way." She hangs up.

"Oh thank God!" Addi says with a sigh, dropping her shoulders in relief.

"Don't be so over dramatic. Shopping isn't that bad. Most teenaged girls enjoy it."

"Yeah and most teenaged girls enjoy spending all their time making out with teenaged boys. Should I go do that as well?" She asks with a cheeky grin.

"Fair point," Maura concedes, "let's go I need to drop you off quickly on my way to work."

They head out the front door of the mall to Maura's car.

"Don't you ever get frustrated; getting called in on weekends or in the middle of the night?" Addi asks while buckling her seatbelt.

"Sometimes I suppose. But when I do I just remind myself that I'm helping people; just like your Mama and your Uncle Frankie. What we do is quite literally life or death." She pauses before she says the next part. "If I didn't get up every time I was called you might not be here."

Addi nods, knowing this to be true.

"I guess I never thought of it that way."

"When Oliver came into my life I took my education even more seriously, if that were at all possible, because I knew being a single mother it was one of the few things I could offer to him. Then when you came into our lives I started to take my job more seriously because I saw firsthand how much it truly changed people's lives; it had made mine exponentially better." Maura looks quickly at Addi and then back at the road, "You kids, your face the night Jane found you in your bed, that's what motivates me to go to work on a Sunday that I should be spending at home with you or in the middle of the night when all I want to do is close my eyes."

Addison isn't quite sure what to say, she fiddles with her fingers.

"Addison?" Maura's voice breaks through her own thoughts.

"What?"

"We're home." Maura has pulled the car up the driveway. Addison looks up at the front door and then back to her mom.

"Oh right." She laughs a little and turns to take the bags from the backseat.

"Either Mama or I will call a little later to check in and let you know when we'll be home."

"Okay, bye Mom." She kisses Maura's cheek and gets out of the car, basically running to the door.

Maura watches her disappear behind the door, still a little worried about her after the events of the past few days. She knows all she can do right now is keep reassuring her of how much she loves her and telling her that everything will be alright eventually.

When she walks into work the precinct is buzzing. Officers are all over the place. She walks over to Jane's desk placing a cup of coffee in front of her wife whose eyes are glued to her computer screen. She stands next to her until she is done reading.

"Hi beautiful," her voice is even raspier than normal and Maura can tell she is exhausted, "how are the kids?"

"They're good. Addison is ecstatic that she got out of the shopping trip."

"Don't look so sad about it."

"I just thought when we adopted a girl I would finally have a shopping partner."

"Well maybe we just need to have another little girl so you get a second chance at that."

Maura's head shoots up at the mention of another kid. It wasn't anything Jane had ever talked about before.

"What? You want another child?"

Jane shrugs, "I don't know, it's just something I've been thinking about lately." She bites her lip nervously, "Have you ever thought about it?"

"Of course I have." Maura sits on top of the desk and Jane rolls to put her legs around Maura's. "I would love to have a child who is biologically yours, or even to adopt another child who needs a home. I just didn't know that was something you wanted."

"Dr. Isles," One of the lab techs interrupts looking sheepish, "the tox screen results are in."

"Okay thank you, I'll be right there." She looks back to her wife, "This conversation is not over." She gives a quick peck to Jane's lips before getting up.

"Yes doctor." Jane watches her wife walk out of the room, thankful that they were somewhat on the same page.

Another child in their family is something she had been thinking about for a while but she was always too afraid to bring it up but now that Oliver and Addi are growing up and she and Maura have found some semblance of a balance between home and work it could be possible.

Back at the Rizzoli-Isles house Addi is lying on the couch bored out of her mind. She doesn't want to do her homework and has already spent most of the afternoon out in the yard practicing her footwork for her soccer game tomorrow. She hasn't seen Ollie in a while and decides to go up to his room to see what he's doing. When she gets to his door she doesn't hear anything and doesn't bother to knock. When she opens the door he jumps and gathers the papers on his desk, shoving them as quickly as possible into his binder. She takes one of the papers that he didn't get and reads it.

"So all this is information on your dad? That's what you've been doing?"

She continues to skim through the papers some have pictures of the man and others are just text. Oliver nods but stays silent looking embarrassed that someone had finally caught him. Addi lets out a tiny gasp when she flips to a large photo that looks exactly like Oliver.

"How'd you find all this?"

"You can find anything on the internet if you have a name and know where to look." His voice is flat.

"What are you going to do with all of it?" He just shrugs and her eyes are glued to it.

"I was just curious I guess."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you." She gives him a smirk which he tries his best to return. "He would be really proud of you." She sits on top of the desk with the binder on her lap.

"You don't know that."

"Oh please Oliver, you're like every parent's dream." His expression doesn't change, "He would be."

"Thanks." He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes or last very long on his lips.

"So what's the coolest thing you've learned about him?"

He pauses for a minute and Addi isn't sure he's going to answer until he takes the binder from her and flips to a specific page.

"He graduated with the highest overall G.P.A. in his class from MIT. He had a job lined up to work for one of the wealthiest engineering companies in Boston right after."

"Makes sense for mom to have dated somebody as close to brilliant as she is. It also explains you, egg head."

"Yeah, he died before he ever got to work there though."

"I'm sorry you never got to meet him."

"I don't know which is worse."

"What do you mean?"

"Being like me or being like you; never knowing my dad or only getting to know him for a little while."

"I don't know which is worse either."

Jane opens the door quickly making both of them jump. Neither of them had heard her car pull up the driveway. Oliver tries to close the binder but the rings get stuck and he fumbles with it, nearly dropping it and making it obvious that it was something he didn't want her to see.

"What's that?"

"Nothing." They both say at the same time resulting in Jane grabbing the binder from his hands. Normally she isn't suspicious of her kids if they are acting alone but when they are both involved in something and trying to hide it, that very rarely means good things. She opens it up to see pages of research on Oliver's father.

"Mama, I-"

"Give me twenty minutes and then come downstairs please." Her voice is even but not angry.

After she leaves the room Ollie looks at his sister,

"She's mad isn't she?"

Addi releases air through her lips making her cheeks puff out.

"We'll find out I guess."

Jane walks into the kitchen and sets the binder down on the counter in front of Maura.

"What's this?"

"Just open it."

As she reads, Maura's hands move to her mouth. Tears threaten her eyes but she blinks them away and shakes her head,

"The kids were looking at it when I went upstairs."

Jane wraps her arms around Maura's waist from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder, "Are you alright?"

"Yes I think so." She pauses on the same picture as Addi, "We need to talk to them."

Jane nods, "I already told them to come down."

Addi and Oliver take their seats across from their mother, "Mom, I-"

"Hang on. Let us talk first." Jane starts, "We know that you must have questions; questions that we don't have answers to."

"I understand how curious you must be about where you come from. I was too while I was growing up."

"We just want you to know that it's okay to have those questions and to be curious. We just don't want you to ever feel like that's something you have to hide from us."

"I didn't want you to feel like you weren't enough for me." Oliver says, mostly to Jane.

"Oh baby, I know that's not what you think. I also know that there will never be a day that I will be able to replace your dad," She looks to Addi, "or your parents. And I would never want to. All three of them are so important to who you are. I don't want any of that to ever change."

"Thanks Mama." Ollie says.

Addi smiles, "We love you too."


	15. The Love Club

The Love Club

The next day Addi is suited up, standing on the soccer field. She is stretching next to Amelia. She has tried to avoid talking to her as much as possible until she decides how she's going to tell her about her past and when exactly she wants to do it.

"Hey, you okay freshman?" Amelia slaps her arm, grabbing a ball to start warm ups.

"Oh yeah, I guess I'm just still not feeling completely like myself."

"Well focus up alright? These guys are tough and we need you on your A-game or we don't stand a chance."

She tosses the ball at Addi and she kicks it into the goal.

Jane made sure to make it to this game since she missed the last one. She is sitting in the bleachers watching her daughter who looks like she's a million miles away. The game starts and Addi takes off down the field using her speed to her advantage as always. The other team is filled with tall girls all easily twice Addison's size. Jane watches in awe, so proud of her daughter. She is fully focused on Addi's every move. She skillfully kicks the ball from one foot to the other and passes it to Amelia, the team's mid-fielder, she works with all of the girls as if she could see the whole field at once.

But then her tiny frame is crushed by one of the other team's defenders as she's tackled to the ground. The other girl climbs off her while the referee waves a yellow flag in the air, blowing his whistle loudly. The crowd grows louder, yelling at the ref and the other team's coach. Addi doesn't move. She is lying on the ground holding her head. Jane runs from her seat over to her daughter. Her coach, the ref, the athletic trainer, and Amelia are all standing over her.

"Addison, can you hear me?" The trainer asks with no real response, just some groans, "I'm going to call an ambulance." The trainer says calmly to Jane.

"Addi, baby, you're gonna be alright. You'll be okay."

Jane runs her hand up and down her sweaty arm, careful not to touch her head or neck. Her pulse is pounding in her ears and it is taking all of her willpower not to run over to the opposing team's coach and scream at him for allowing his players to play like that. Instead she places all of her focus on Addi who is wincing in pain. No one knows what to do. It's like the whole field is filled with noise and chaos but nothing is getting done. Jane can't help but think if Maura were here she would know exactly what to do. Jane reaches for her phone but stops when she hears the sirens of the ambulance coming towards them.

The paramedics load Addi onto a gurney, wrapping her in a neck brace before moving her. Jane climbs into the back of the bus, grabbing hold of Addi's hand. She hasn't opened her eyes and she hasn't said a word. Jane keeps seeing her running full force and then falling to the ground, her head bouncing after hitting the dirt.

"We're going to take her into MRI, so you can sit in the waiting room down the hall and I will have someone come let you know as soon as we're done." The doctor tells Jane.

She's sure she introduced herself, that she had said her name, but Jane can't repeat it if her own life depended on it. She just keeps seeing her daughter hurt, lying on the ground. She pulls out her cell phone and dials Maura's number and listens as it rings and rings without an answer. Jane knows Maura very rarely answers her phone during an autopsy, not wanting to take the chance of making a careless mistake. Nevertheless she continues to call. Her mind feels like it's barely working. She's sure there's a better way to go about this but she can't think of it in the moment.

"C'mon Maura, please pickup." Her knee bounces wildly in her seat while she grits her teeth. Her face feels hot. She doesn't want to go through this alone.

"You've reached Dr. Maura Isles please-"

She hangs up the phone. She's angry, not at Maura, more at the whole situation; the fact that on top of everything else Addi has to take this on too.

She waits for what feels like days until the same doctor as before reappears through the double doors.

"Mrs. Rizzoli, you can come back now. I'll show you to your daughter's room."

"How is she doing?" She clears her throat and rubs her hands nervously on her pants, the way Maura hates.

"She's doing okay. She woke up inside the MRI machine and she was responsive and speaking full sentences to me which is a very good sign. Although we won't have all of her results back for an hour or so."

She stands in front of a wooden door with a window. Jane can see Addi inside, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling.

"I'm pretty sure that it's just a concussion but with head injuries you can never be too careful." Jane nods, having had a few concussion herself, "I will have someone come check on her in a bit and I will be back with the results as soon as I can."

"Thank you doctor."

"Don't mention it." She gives a warm smile and a gentle squeeze to Jane's arm before breezing past her down the hall.

Jane pushes the door open making Addi look at her. She already has black eyes forming and a cut below her eye where she fell onto a rock.

"Hey baby girl."

"Hi Mama."

"You okay?" Jane asks taking a seat in the uncomfortable pleather chair that is already placed next to the bed.

"Yeah I really feel okay. Can we go home now?" She has the hint of a hopeful smile on her face.

"Not yet. We need to wait for the results from your tests. Once the doctor says you're good to go then we'll get out of here."

"Where's Mom?"

"She's at work and I'm having a bit of a hard time getting a hold of her but I'm gonna keep trying to call her. She'll be here." She takes Addi's hand, "Don't worry."

She notices Addi's eyes fluttering.

"Are you tired, kiddo?"

Addi shakes her head and does her best to stifle a yawn.

"It's okay, take a nap, we're going to be waiting for a little while anyway. You know doctors, they love to take their time."

"I won't tell Mom you said that." Addi says through another yawn. Jane chuckles.

Addi allows her eyes to close and she lets out a deep sigh, Jane catches the pained look on her face. She is going to be sore from head to toe from the girl falling on top of her. She waits until she is sure that Addi is asleep before she slips out of the room to dial her wife's number again.

"Dr. Isles."

"Maura thank God." Jane gives a relieved sigh.

"Jane, what's wrong?"

Jane wishes she didn't have to give this news over the phone.

"Don't freak out."

"Uh oh." Maura still has a playful tone to her voice.

"I'm at the hospital with Addison. She had an accident at her soccer game. She's alright."

"What? What kind of accident? What do you mean?"

"A slide tackle gone wrong. The doctors think it's a concussion but we don't have the CT scans back. They said her x-rays looked clear." Jane repeats what the doctor had told her, knowing it means more to Maura than it does to her.

"Which hospital?"

"Mass Gen."

"I'll be right there." There is a lot of rustling on her end of the phone.

"Don't rush, we're gonna be waiting on the results for a while. She's asleep right now."

"I'll be right there." She doesn't wait for a reply, she hangs up the phone and reaches for her coat.

Jane hangs up and walks back into the room. Addi's eyes are still closed and Jane takes the same seat as before. She sends a quick text message to Oliver to make sure he's at home and to make sure he is aware of what's going on, as much as possible, with his sister.

By the time Maura gets up to Addi's room she is out of breath. She pushes the door open, her eyes first going to her daughter, then to her wife who is sitting with her head in her hands but she looks up when she hears the familiar musicality of her wife's voice.

"Jane what's going on?"

Jane places her index finger over her lips.

"She's alright," Jane whispers, "no change and no news."

Maura walks over to the side of the bed. She runs her hand as gently as possible over the top of Addi's head. It's sticky with dried sweat and her curls are stuck, framed around her hairline. Her eyes open slightly.

Mommy?"

"Hi my beautiful girl. I'm here."

"Can we go home now?"

"Just a little while longer."

Maura sits next to her on the bed as Jane takes a work call in the hallway. Addi is very quiet as Maura runs her hand through her hair while humming a familiar tune.

"What is that? It's nice." Addi asks through her sleepy haze, her eyes mostly closed, and goosebumps forming on her arms and legs.

"It's an old Irish folk song that my father used to sing to me all the time when I was a little girl."

"My mom used to sing You are my Sunshine to me before bed almost every night or when I was sick."

"That sounds nice."

"She was horrible, she would sing completely off key." A giggle escapes her lips but her expression remains the same, "But I loved it." She grabs hold of Maura's free hand and plays with her ring. Her hands feel heavy and hard to control.

"I'm sure she loved it too." Maura says, trying to encourage her talking about her parents in such a light hearted way which doesn't happen often.

"Did you sing that song to Oliver when he was a baby?"

"I did."

Maura smiles as she thinks back to her son as a newborn, smiling up at her with his bright blonde hair, perfect blue eyes, and toothless grin.

"I used to sing it to you too; soon after we adopted you, you kept having those horrible panic attacks and I used to lie in bed with you and sing. I don't expect you to remember with all the stress your body and mind was under."

"No, I thought it sounded familiar, now I know why." She tries to look at her mom but the lights are too bright above her head and she has to close her eyes, "Can you keep singing?" She asks, a little embarrassed.

Maura doesn't say anything, instead she starts singing softly into Addi's ear. Jane walks back into the room, rubbing her temples, looking incredibly stressed out. Maura lifts a curious eyebrow but Jane waves her off, wanting her to keep soothing their daughter. She takes a seat in the wobbly chair, putting her feet up on the bed, but it doesn't seem to bother Addison.

Addi sleeps for about an hour before the doctor walks into the room holding a tablet.

"Maura, hi, how are you?"

"I'm good Susan, how are you?"

"I'm doing well. It's good to see you, although I wish it were under better circumstances." She says pointing to Addi who is starting to stir from her rather restful sleep. "I'm happy to report it's a minor concussion. All of her scans and x-rays came back clean. She'll be pretty bruised and sore for a while but rest, Tylenol, and ice packs will be her best friends. I want to see you in two weeks for a follow up but take her right back here if there's any slurring of speech, fever, confusion or dizziness." She looks to Maura, "You know the drill."

"Yes, I've had enough practice with this one." She points to Jane. "So we can take her home?"

"I don't see why not." Susan hands Maura some papers with the information on Addi's scans.

"We can leave?" Addi perks up at the prospect of getting out of the hospital.

Although she's been in the hospital multiple times as both a visitor and a patient since, the only thing she will ever associate with it is the night her parents died.

"Yup kid, looks like we're springing you out of this joint." Jane smiles, holding her hand out to help her out of the bed and get dressed, "Are you hungry? You never had dinner."

"Nah, I'm mostly just tired." Her eyes are barely open and she leans into Jane's side as she says this.

Maura thanks Susan and follows Jane and Addi out to their cars. Addi is barely inside the car with her seatbelt buckled before she is falling asleep again.

When Maura walks through the front door Jane and Addi aren't home yet. Oliver is sitting at the kitchen island looking quickly between his books and the door, nervously biting his thumbnail.

"Hey, how's she doing?"

"She's alright. They should be here any second." Maura places her bags down by the door and walks over to her son.

"It sucks, she can't catch a break can she?"

"It doesn't seem that way, does it?" Maura's own exhaustion causes her to speak more candidly than she normally does with her children. "She's tough. She'll get through this."

"It just seems like she's always the one getting through things." Ollie says.

Although he has his fair share of difficult things to deal with, most of them he is able to deal with inwardly, secretly. All of his sister's problems are made public. She is always dealing with everyone staring at her on top of whatever seems to be going wrong in her life that day.

Maura observes her son's worried expression and feels her heart ache for both of her children. She is thankful in this moment, more than most, for the bond the two share. Before she can offer any words of comfort the front door opens again. Jane is basically carrying Addi and doesn't stop, continuing right up the staircase to her bedroom.

"Alright baby, let's get you into some pajamas and then you can sleep for as long as you want."

Addi does her best to assist her mother to change her clothes but she isn't much help. Jane covers her up with her blankets and kisses her forehead. She takes a minute alone to watch her daughter sleep, thankful beyond belief that the situation was not more serious than it was.

When she turns to leave Ollie startles her. She puts her hand on her chest, jumping backwards slightly, not expecting anyone to be there. He has the same look on his face as he did in the kitchen one of sadness and a little bit of anger. She puts a hand on his shoulder, realizing how tall he's getting. She directs him out of the room so she can shut the door about halfway.

"Hey, she'll be okay. She's a Rizzoli-Isles after all." Jane says with a smirk trying to loosen him up a bit but it doesn't work, "I mean it. It's just a minor concussion, you'll be sitting, and moping at her soccer games soon enough."

Oliver nods and walks into Jane's outstretched arms.

"I love you kid and I love how much you love Addi and Mom. It's something you and I have in common, you know?" This gets a scoff from her son.

"I love you too mama."

She smiles warmly at him.

"Let's go get some food. I'm starving."


	16. House on Fire

House on Fire

"I'll be fine. I promise. I'll make Ollie my slave while you're gone so you won't have to worry about me getting hurt while you're away." Addi says with a weak smile.

She is propped up on about five pillows on Maura and Jane's bed. Both women are packing for their long weekend trip to New Hampshire. They both can't shake the guilty feeling of leaving Addi while she's recovering and have almost cancelled the trip five times despite their daughter's avid protests.

"I'm sure your brother would love that," Jane says, sarcastically, "but it's not a problem if we stay. We can take a vacation another time."

"Oh my God, you guys are ridiculous. I'm practically healed already." Addi looks at her phone when it dings, another text from Amelia. She answers curtly, still not sure how to talk to her about how she knows her mom.

She looks back up when neither Jane nor Maura say anything. It's not so much the physical injuries they are worried about. The head injury brought with it a whole mess of nightmares that she has not been able to shake. Addi knows this is a source of anxiety for her parents and says, seemingly out of nowhere,

"Nona has dealt with my nightmares before you know?'

"Damn our kid is perceptive." Jane says, mostly under her breath.

"It'll be fine. You can't be with me every second of every day. I know that." She picks at a stray thread in her quilt.

"I hate that rule." Jane says.

Both women join her on the bed.

"We may not always be right here with you but we will never leave you."

"I know, Mom. That's why I want you both to go and have some fun. You deserve it."

"I agree." Jane says raising her eyebrows and widening her eyes which makes Addi laugh.

She stops and winces, sudden sounds and movements still make her head hurt.

"And listen, if you're gonna do that slave thing with your brother, go easy on him okay? At least one food break a day."

"Jane," Maura says with a warning tone, "do not enslave Oliver while we're away. Do you hear me?"

"Yes ma'am." Addi says, still with a bit of a smirk and Jane shakes her head as soon as Maura turns away.

Angela arrives at noon as promised to allow them to have some of the day left after their drive.

"Hi Nona." Addi greets her grandmother from her spot on the couch.

Angela walks over and plants a bunch of loud and very wet kisses onto her cheeks.

"Hi baby, how are you feeling?"

"I'm alright."

"I don't want you girls to worry about anything here. I will take good care of them."

"We know you will Ma."

She looks at Addi who is looking down at her make up homework from the few days she missed. She can't help but notice that she does not seem like herself. Something is off and Jane fights every feeling in her gut telling her not to go.

"Baby," Addi looks up, sensing her mother's serious tone, "I'm going to ask you one more time. You're sure, one thousand percent sure, that you're okay with us leaving?"

She hesitates for a second and Jane wants to throw her bags down and stay but Addi smiles and nods.

"Yes. You guys need to do this. I'm good here with Nona and Ollie."

"You heard the girl, now go. Go before you hit too much traffic." Angela says, shooing them out the door.

"Wait, where's Oliver? We need to say goodbye." Maura interjects.

"Ollie, buddy, we're leaving." Jane yells up the stairs and a few seconds later footsteps are heard on the wooden floorboards above them.

"Bye Mom, bye Mama, have fun." He walks down the stairs and wraps both of them in a hug.

"We will baby. Don't study too hard. I don't want that brain getting any bigger, you'll start to look like an alien."

"Too late." Addi cuts in.

"Bye sweetheart. We'll see you in a few days." Maura says, ignoring both her wife and her daughter.

Jane and Maura hug Addi next. Jane gives her a little extra squeeze, being mindful of her bruises and sore muscles. Angela, Addi, and Oliver watch Jane and Maura pull out of the driveway and down the street. The house is quiet, very quiet, for just a moment or two before the silence is broken by Angela's brash voice.

"So who wants some lunch?"

"I could eat." Ollie says, shrugging his scrawny shoulders.

Addi remains silent as the realization that she will be spending the next few nights without her mothers for the first time since her adoption. When they were still home it didn't seem so scary but now that they're gone she can feel the fear and anxiety growing from the bottom of her feet all the way up to her scalp. She feels a hand on her shoulder and turns.

"Sweetie, are you alright?"

"Uh yeah," She clears her throat, "yeah, I'm good. I'm gonna go lie down for a bit."

"Do you want me to make you a plate?"

"Nah, I'll eat later. I'm starting to get a headache."

She ends the conversation by walking up the stairs and into her moms' bedroom. She wraps up in one of their quilts and nestles into the plush, feather pillow on Jane's side. She pushes aside the pain in her head and her back and tries to forget the fear she's feeling long enough to take a nap.

When she wakes up from her restless sleep, it's dark outside and she can hear laughter coming from downstairs. She lies still for a few minutes, building the motivation to get up and walk all the way to the kitchen. Her stomach is growling although she can't say she is particularly hungry, her mouth is dry and ultimately it is her thirst that gets her out of bed. She walks downstairs into the kitchen to find Angela, Ollie, and Frankie sitting at the table playing a game of Scrabble. They fall quiet when they notice Addi standing in the doorway. Her eyes are barely open and her hair is a ratted mess on top of her head. She squints at the brightness of the lights above her, a headache still raging on the inside of her eyes.

"Hey there slugger," Frankie greets her, standing up to give her a warm hug. "How's the noggin?"

She shrugs, accepting the hug and then breaking away to get a cup of water and curl into a ball on the couch. She feels even more tired than she did before she took a nap.

"Are you hungry baby? I can make you up a plate." Angela offers while watching Oliver place down a few of his white tiles receiving a triple word score. She slaps his shoulder while she waits for Addi's answer.

"No, I think I'm okay." Her body feels heavy as she lets every inch of her melt into the couch cushion.

She lets her head fall back onto the back of the couch and she feels her grandmother's hand against her forehead. The cool, smooth skin feels amazing against her own warmth.

"Are you sure you feel alright?"

Before Addi can answer, Oliver's phone rings with a facetime call. Addi perks up a little as her brother takes a seat next to her.

"Hi babies," Jane's excited and happy voice greets them from the other side of the screen. Addi feels the knots in her stomach tighten at the sight of her mother so far away.

"Hi Mama," Oliver says back, "you and Mom got to the inn alright?"

"Yeah we did. It's gorgeous here. What are you monsters up to?"

"I'm kicking Nona and Uncle Frankie's butts at Scrabble." Oliver's smile broadens.

"What about you kiddo?" Jane asks, noting the same distance in her daughter's eyes as when she left earlier.

"I just woke up." Her voice is raspy and very quiet, she fiddles with the sleeve of her sweatshirt; one she stole from Jane.

"You slept all day?" Addi nods, "Are you feeling alright?" Addi nods and changes the subject.

"Where's Mom?"

Jane doesn't push anymore.

"She went down the hall to get some ice." As she finishes her sentence the sound of a door opening and closing can be heard.

"You called them without me?" Maura appears on the screen, she is dressed in a bathrobe and her hair is wet. Her smile is just as big as Jane's is and she grabs the phone, placing all of her attention onto her children.

"Hi Mom."

"Hi baby, hi sweetheart," She greets both of her children separately.

"Hi Mommy," Addi greets quietly, feeling like she could fall back asleep any second.

Maura's heart melts at the sight of her children, both so far away and wanting nothing more than to give them a hug. Oliver looks happy but her daughter looks absolutely miserable. She pushes her damp hair that's starting to curl out of her face.

"Are you having a good time with Nona?"

"Yes." Oliver says, answering for both himself and his sister.

"I'm glad."

"Well, me and Mom just called to see your beautiful faces and to say goodnight." Jane says, now sitting behind her wife.

"Goodnight. I love you." Oliver says.

"Ollie, come on kid, it's your turn." Frankie nearly shouts from the table. Ollie hops up from the couch, tossing the phone to his sister. She grabs it before it drops to the floor.

"Goodnight." Addi says, fighting a yawn while trying her best to keep her eyes open.

"Sleep well sweetheart. I wish I could give you a hug right now." Maura says and Addi can tell she is missing her almost has much as she is missing her moms.

"Me too." Addi says.

"We'll be home in a few days and you'll be begging us to leave you alone." Jane interjects, "Goodnight kiddo, I love you."

"I love you guys too."

Jane hangs up the facetime call and tosses her phone across the room. She falls onto the mattress next to her wife who looks down. She smiles sadly at her. She can tell Maura is feeling the same thing she is from the look in her eyes.

"I hate seeing her like that." Jane sits up and wraps her arms around Maura who lies against her front.

"All I see is a terrified seven year old who just lost both her parents. I want to be able to tell myself that we have gotten her so far from where she was that night but some nights it doesn't feel like it."

Jane wants to be able to tell her that what she's feeling isn't true and their daughter is doing great but they both know that's a lie, and Jane can't bring herself to tell that lie anymore, not to herself, and definitely not to her wife.

"Ever since she's come into our lives I have felt like I am in the middle of the ocean," Jane starts, "like I am so tired and no matter how much I want to, or how hard I try, my feet can't find the bottom and at any second I could drown."

Guilt floods her as she speaks for the first time the words she's thought a million times. She knows that whatever confusion or exhaustion or unsettledness she's feeling, Addison is feeling ten times over. She wipes the tears from her cheeks.

"It's not fair, for any of us. We deserve better."

"Maybe," Maura says and it surprises Jane, "maybe we do or maybe this is the life we are meant to live." Her stoic nature, in this moment, grates on Jane's patience.

"You think we deserve this much pain and heartache?" Jane asks, a little hurt by her wife's sudden proclamation.

"I think maybe there is something we are supposed to be getting from all of it. I think there's a lesson somewhere in here."

"Not everything has to serve some educational purpose. Sometimes things just suck and that's it."

Jane's tone turns to an angry one and Maura moves away from her.

"If that's what you want to believe, that's fine. But I refuse to say that the life we've built together, the life we have with our children sucks. I won't do it."

"Maur, that's not-"

"I will suffer through terrible things for the rest of my life to get to live the good things too. I will do everything I can to keep our family the way it is. I will fight for our kids even if you won't."

"Is that what you think? That I'm not willing to fight for our kids? Do I have to remind you that I ran into a house where a serial killer had just killed two innocent people to save our daughter? What about the fact that I adopted Oliver the second I was able to? You can say whatever you want about me as a detective or as a wife or as a person, but don't you dare question whether or not I would give up my life for my kids because you know for a fact that I would."

Jane and Maura are both standing across the room from each other, squaring off; both agitated and exhausted, and apparently looking for a fight.

"Just because I didn't tackle a serial killer or because I didn't have to fight legally for Oliver, that doesn't mean I've fought any less for them than you have, but some days it feels like everybody else thinks that."

"Who has said that to you?"

"Nobody has to say it to make it obvious that they feel that way. I know that's what you think."

"No I don't. Don't put words in my mouth or thoughts in my head."

"You're going to stand there and tell me, in all honesty, that you don't believe you deserve more credit for what you've done for them than I do?"

"No, yes, I don't know."

"You're hesitation is more than enough of an answer for me, Jane. Thank you for putting my fears to rest."

"God, you're so insane sometimes." Jane says through gritted teeth. She puts her hand on her hip and hangs her head.

"You're no walk in the park either." Maura rubs her temples and paces back and forth in the small confines of the hotel room.

"I can't be in here anymore. I'm going for a walk."


	17. I Will Follow You

I Will Follow You

Jane grabs her coat and slams the heavy wooden door behind her when she leaves. Maura falls back onto the bed and covers her face with her hands not fully understanding how that conversation had gotten so out of hand so quickly. She debates going after Jane but knows it would only further their argument. She knows that they are both tired and stressed but she never would have guessed that this is how their romantic weekend getaway would go. She decides it would be best for both of them if she just went to bed and they could talk in the morning. Sometimes even the poised, level headed doctor allowed her emotions to get the better of her and unfortunately for her and her wife, tonight is one of those times.

Jane on the other hand can't see past her anger. She can't admit to allowing her emotions to gain control because to her that is perfectly normal. Addi does the same which is why they are the two who always end up in the most passionate arguments and get themselves into the most trouble. Jane stalks down the hallway, her shoes untied, and her fists clenched tightly by her sides. She decides it's too dark for her to walk anywhere, especially since she's never been here before, so she sits on one of the rickety rocking chairs on the inn's front porch. She sits for several minutes trying to even out her breathing before she notices the old man sitting on the porch swing on the other end, smoking from old pipe. She jumps and allows a soft gasp to escape her lips.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He says with a chuckle.

He turns his head slightly and his smile causes wrinkles to form around his eyes.

"That's alright. I'm not usually so easy to scare." She gives her best smile.

"Oh no? Why's that?"

"I'm a detective. Wouldn't be much use if I was, right?"

"Well I suppose you wouldn't," His words are syncopated, like he is thinking about each one closely before he says it, "Where are you from?"

"Boston."

"A city cop, good for you; that's important work."

"Thanks, I like to think so. What about you? Where are you from?" Jane doesn't feel much like talking but if she has to, this man seems like friendly enough company.

His smile broadens and he points to the ground.

"Born and raised right where you're sitting. My family started this inn right after the Revolutionary War."

"No kidding."

"My wife and I ran this place for nearly fifty five years before passing it on to our kids. Are you married? Any children?"

"I am, I've been married for almost thirteen years, and we have two children." Jane smiles when she says this, no matter how mad she is at Maura, being able to brag about her family will always be one of her favorite things to do, especially to strangers.

"It's an amazing thing, isn't it? Having a family to share your life with. Without that, what is it all for?"

Jane nods as they fall into silence, rocking back and forth gently in their seats. The cool fall air is setting into Jane's bones and joints as her whole body vibrates with a slight chill. She focuses on the fog of her breath swirling into the night sky while hundreds of crickets chirp hidden in the grass below.

"Where's your husband tonight? He doesn't want to come enjoy the view?"

Jane is once again startled by the man when his voice cuts into the serene scene in front of her.

"Uh, it's my wife actually."

"Oh, I'm sorry for assuming."

"That's alright." She can't help but fight her smile at the elderly man's acceptance. "We had a little bit of a disagreement and I needed to take some space."

"I see. Marriage is no easy feat. My wife and I were married for over sixty years before she died. It was the best thing in my life but my sweet Addy and I definitely had our own fair share of difficulties."

"You wife's name was Addy?" This time Jane lets the smile seep up into her cheeks.

"Adeline."

"My daughter's name is Addison, we call her Addi."

He smiles at Jane and chuckles which causes a wheezy cough.

"It's a very small world." He places his pipe down and pushes himself to sit up straighter, "I'm afraid I didn't catch your name dear."

"It's Jane."

"Jane, that's a beautiful name. I'm Henry."

"It's nice to meet you."

"You too. If you don't mind me giving some advice," Jane signals for him to continue, "go make up with your beautiful wife. A lifetime together is a long time but you miss too much when you're angry. I'm sorry if I'm overstepping."

"No not at all. Thank you Henry, you're right." Jane gets up to leave but stops in the doorway.

"Can I ask you one last question?"

"Of course."

"What's the secret to sixty happy years?"

Henry pauses like he is milling over his answer and Jane watches his shaky hands move through his gray mustache.

"You don't need a secret. If you truly love the person, it should never be a secret. Tell them every day, tell everyone you see, shout it from the damn rooftops if you can. Sixty years is a very long time, but it is also the blink of an eye compared to the years you spend without her."

Jane smiles sadly at the man. She didn't notice it before but there is sadness in his eyes that is illuminated by the porch light.

"Thank you. I will see you around Henry."

"You're very welcome. Make sure you find me to say goodbye before you leave us. I would love to meet that beautiful wife of yours."

"I will make sure to do that."

Jane walks back through the lobby and a young man in his late twenties or so catches her eye. His nametag says Henry and she knows he is her new friend's grandson; he is the spitting image of his grandfather. She observes him interacting with a coworker who could be related to him before walking back to her room. All the lights are off when she gets back and she shuts the door quickly so the light from the hallway doesn't wake Maura, if she's actually asleep.

When she gets into the bed she can tell by Maura's breathing that she isn't sleeping. She knows that Maura feels her insecurities deeper than Jane ever felt hers. Maura is extremely sensitive, but very rarely shares her feelings until they come out in arguments. Jane heard every word she said about her feeling like less than Jane. She never wants her to feel that way. Jane leans in and kisses Maura's cheek and when she doesn't shrug away or say anything against it she kisses her temple and whispers,

"I'm so sorry, Maur. I don't know what got into me."

"I'm sorry too." Maura says, her eyes still mostly shut and her voice quiet.

"I met the old man who used to run this place and he gave me something I needed."

"What's that?"

"Perspective."

"What do you mean?" She rolls over to look at Jane with a furrowed brow.

"I don't want to fight with you, ever. I love you so much, more than anything in this world."

"I love you too, Jane."

"The rest of our lives is a long time but I don't want to waste any of it being mad at each other. Especially, fighting over the things neither of us can control. For the rest of our lives we're going to have to deal with Addison's past and our own pasts and there's nothing we can do about it. So what's the point of being scared of it, or letting it cloud our judgment?"

"Your solution is to just not be scared?"

"Yeah." Jane says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"That's now how that works and I think you know that." Maura lets a ghost of a smile turn her face brighter.

"Why not?"

"Because fear is inherent, fear is natural. You can't just wish it away."

"With you by my side I have no reason to be afraid of anything. You're an amazing mother and an amazing partner. That's all I need to know."

"I'm still a little afraid." Maura answers truthfully, she takes Jane's hand and places it over her heart, letting her cold fingers be warmed by her skin, "There's so much unknown in our lives right now. Oliver is keeping secrets from us, Addison is concussed, and having nightmares and to top it all off Wendell Miller is being transported on Monday."

"What?" Jane's shoulders tighten, "When did you find that out?

"Yesterday; I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to ruin our weekend, but look how that turned out."

"Our weekend isn't ruined. I wish you'd told me. None of this is stuff you have to go through alone just to protect me. When we get home we will sit Addi down and tell her it's finally happening and we will be there for her."

Jane wraps her arms around Maura and leans back against the headboard. She breaths deeply and enjoys the closeness.

"Wait, what do you mean Ollie is keeping secrets?"

"I don't know. I just have a feeling that there's something he's not telling me."

"You're going off of a gut feeling? I thought that was my thing."

"I just can't shake it."

"I'm sure he's fine. It's Oliver we're talking about."

"That's what worries me. I think we take advantage of how good he is sometimes."

"We can talk to him when we get home too." Jane moves the hair away from Maura's neck and kisses below her ear, "Until then, let's focus on something else. Something we came here to do."

Maura laughs and turns to kiss her wife on the lips.

The rest of the weekend goes by perfectly. The foliage is beautiful and like nothing they ever see in the city. They spend the whole two days by themselves with no work to get in their way and no interrupted conversations.

"I'm kind of sad that we have to leave." Jane says while she puts their bags into the trunk of their car.

"I know, it's beautiful but I'm excited to see the kids."

Jane smiles, she has been dreading leaving this place but the thought of being able to hug her kids is enough to get her moving faster. She looks up at the inn and sees Henry sitting on the old porch swing.

"Hey Maur, come with me for a second."

"What? Why, we need to get going."

"Just a second, come on." She grabs her hand and pulls her up onto the porch behind her. "Hey Henry,"

She greets the old man who is sitting in dress pants, a dress shirt, and vest, looking like he is going somewhere important, rather than just sitting in his usual spot. He looks up her and squints against the sunlight.

"Jane, how are you dear?"

"I'm great. Your inn is very relaxing. I don't know if anyone has ever told you that."

"Maybe a time or two."

Jane looks to Maura who looks confused.

"Henry, I want to introduce you to my wife, Maura."

Maura smiles politely even though she doesn't know this man, clearly trained from all her years of work functions and obligatory dinner parties.

"Even more beautiful than I imagined." He pushes his body to stand up and takes Maura's hand in his own. "It's lovely to meet you."

"Maur, this is Henry. He used to run this place."

"Oh," Maura says, remembering that Jane said she had met him the other night, "it's nice to meet you as well Henry. Your inn is gorgeous. I wish we didn't have to leave."

"You have to get back to those kids of yours."

"Yeah, we kind of like them." Jane retorts.

"Well, bring them up anytime I would love to meet them too."

Both of the women feel a connection to this man but there's no explanation for it. Jane would call it fate and Maura would say it is simply them overthinking it or something to do with the chemical in the brain. Either way Henry had played a huge role in Maura and Jane making up so soon.

"I'm sure they would love it here." Jane says, looking at Maura with a content smile. "We just wanted to say goodbye before we left. I also wanted to say thank you for everything you said the other night."

"Of course. You two are a beautiful couple and you deserve every happiness that comes to you. Don't forget that during the difficult times."

"We won't."

Henry takes one of each other their hands and smiles a smile that closes his eyes and crinkles his nose, making him look almost childlike.

"Have a safe trip home."

During the car ride home both women enjoy the remaining moments of quiet together. They pull up the driveway and they aren't surprised when Angela opens the door and steps onto the porch before they even park the car.

"Hey girls, how was your trip?"

"It was good, Ma, but you couldn't let us get into the house first?" Jane scoffs as she pulls the bags from the trunk and slams it shut.

"I could have but I just came out here to warn you," her voice lowers, "Addi has been having a bit of a hard day. I know she's still healing and you've been gone but her attitude has been unacceptable. So I sent her to her room. I didn't know what else to do, I'm sorry."

"No Angela, you did the right thing. We'll have a talk with her."

"Yeah thanks Ma." Jane kisses her mother while she gathers her things and walks out the front door.

"Ollie is out with a friend but I told him to be home for dinner."

"Alright, bye Ma."

"Bye Angela."

"Bye girls, welcome home."

Jane and Maura put their bags down and sigh, looking up the staircase.

"Welcome home is right."


	18. Before It Breaks

Before It Breaks

Jane and Maura walk up to Addi's door, both hesitant to go inside. They look at each other,

"I don't want to go in first."

"Jane, stop being such a child and open the door."

"You don't want to go in first either."

Maura smirks and shakes her head.

"Chicken." Jane knocks twice on the door but doesn't wait for an answer before opening it.

The bedside lamp is on but all the other lights are off. Addi is sitting in her bed, her legs pulled up to her chest with her chin on one knee. She looks too small for her age, dwarfed by the size of her mattress. The bags under her eyes are a deep purple and the bandage on her head is askew. Her head turns toward the sound of the door opening and her eyes widen, a smile pulls up one side of her mouth.

"Hi baby," Jane greets her daughter, surprised to see her smile after Angela's warning.

"Hi," She climbs off the bed and pulls both of her moms into a hug at the same time.

She's shaking and Jane can tell by the sound of her voice that something is wrong. When she pulls away she walks right back to her bed. She feels weak and a little dizzy.

"How was your trip?"

"It was good,"

They've decided to spare their kids the details of their weekend and focus on the things that need to be fixed at home.

"How did things go here?" Maura asks, hoping to get the truth out of her daughter.

"It was okay for the most part."

"Yeah? What does that mean?"

Addi pauses for a minute, "Today was a hard day."

"Why is that?"

"Because Wendell Miller is being taken out of prison tomorrow."

"How did you know about that?" Maura asks, feeling guilty about trying to keep it a secret from everyone.

Addi opens the drawer on her nightstand and pulls out a large manila envelope. She tosses it at her parents.

"I think the real question is why no one felt I had a right to know."

"Addison, it isn't that we didn't think you deserved to know. It's just I didn't want to tell you and leave you to worry all alone." Maura tries to put a hand on Addi's shoulder but she shrugs her away.

"It's better to leave me in the dark. I'm not a child. You don't need to keep these things from me anymore."

"You're our child Addi. We will always want to protect you."

"I'm not though, am I? Isn't that the problem?" There are daggers in her eyes and it is clear now why Angela had sent her to her room. "It seems to me that everyone's lives would be a hell of a lot easier without me here to mess up the pretty picture."

"You know that isn't true."

"I don't really know what I know anymore. I'd like to be alone now please."

Neither woman fights her on this. Maura walks down the hall and disappears behind the bedroom door, clearly upset. Jane notices the light coming from underneath Ollie's bedroom door. He must have come home while they were talking to Addi. She knocks and waits until she hears a quiet, "Come in".

"Hey kid, we're home."

"Hey Mama,"

He has posters that say 'Oliver for President' covering his bed while he slaves over another one at his desk.

"Did you and Mom have fun?"

"Yeah buddy we did. How did everything go here?"

"You talked to Addison."

"Yeah."

"That's how it went. All weekend." Oliver pushes his glasses up further on his nose. He sounds annoyed but his facial expression is neutral. Jane thinks of the conversation her and Maura had about him.

"Are you okay?"

This makes him look up at her.

"Me?" She nods, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"There's nothing you want to talk about?"

"No." He shakes his head.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," He looks back down at what he's working on, "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Your sister? Yeah, she'll be fine. Don't worry about her. If you need any help with this let me know." She says, pointing to the posters.

"No offense Mama, but I don't want you anywhere near these posters."

"None taken; I'm not an artist for a reason."

"Because we'd be living on the street?"

"And we all know your Mom's taste is way too expensive for that to ever happen." She rubs her hand roughly in his hair and kisses the top of his head. "I love you bud."

"I love you too Mama."

She closes his door behind her and takes a deep breath as she stands in the empty hallway. She rubs the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger; any relaxing she did on her trip has already been undone after only a few minutes back at home.

She decides to let everyone have their space. She goes down into the living room and turns on her laptop to catch up on the million emails she is sure she missed in the past few days. She flips on the Red Sox game from the day before.

The next day Addison is the first one awake. She spent a majority of the night tossing and turning. She has a piercing headache due to her lack of sleep the last few nights, and the bandage on her forehead is itchy. She is staring at the framed picture of her mom and dad that she moved to her nightstand. The shadows of the early morning make their faces look sad and she can't bear to look at it anymore. She tries to remember a happy memory with her parents but she can't think of any. Tears sting her eyes and she rubs them but that only makes her head hurt worse.

The idea of the man who took them away from her receiving any kindness at all makes her stomach churn. Then again, that could be the lack of sleep too. Wendell Miller is being un-cuffed today and he will be out from behind bars fully equipped with his most lethal weapon, his own insanity. There is a creak of the floorboards in the darkest corner of her room and she doesn't waste anytime hurrying down the hall to her moms' room, holding her stuffed turtle in one hand, the other a clenched fist. She feels exactly like she did when she was seven.

She hesitates in the doorway, deciding whether or not to wake them up. She is surprised when Maura speaks, fully awake herself.

"Sweetheart, come here." She pulls the blankets up so Addi can climb in.

She is warm, her back against Maura's front, wrapped tightly in her arms. She allows sleep to take her fully, feeling safe for the time being; until she wakes up again, waiting for the call that Wendell Miller has been successfully transported to the psych hospital.

The air in the house during breakfast is heavy. Nobody knows what to say or do. Maura is staying home with both of the kids while Jane goes into work for a little while. Addison hasn't said a word since the night before. She doesn't touch her breakfast; her plate is still full as Oliver finishes his food and moves on to her plate.

"Addison you should eat something"

"I'm not hungry." She puts her head in her hands.

"Do you have another headache?"

"Another? This past week has been one big, long headache."

Maura gets two Advil and places them on the counter. Addi swallows them quickly with her orange juice.

"I'm going to lie down." She slips off of her stool and walks slowly and unsteadily up the stairs to her bedroom. Oliver and Maura watch her and share a look of their own.

"Mom, are you sure I can't go to school today?"

"Mama and I decided it's better to be safe than sorry." Maura places a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Maybe you could talk to your sister though. She might be more apt to tell you what's going on in her head than she would to tell me."

"Doubtful, but I'll try."

"Thank you, you're a good boy Oliver."

"I'm not a dog, Mom." He says while taking his and Addison's plates to the sink, "But thank you for the compliment."

He walks back upstairs and Maura waits to hear his door close before settling herself on to the couch to do some work. She hits the power button on her laptop and allows her eyes to close while she waits for it to turn on. She breaths in the scent of her pumpkin candles and smiles, only slightly; her mind wanders to think about Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Miller will be out of their lives, again, and hopefully both of her children will be happy.

The entire day goes by quietly. Oliver works on homework and other projects in his bedroom and Addison sleeps for most of the day, opting for watching television when she finally wakes up around five o' clock. Maura is sitting with her laptop open on her lap, watching as Addison flips through all of their channels multiple times.

"Are you trying to watch all the channels at once?" She asks sarcastically and Addi smirks, getting her mother's point and settling on a sitcom on a cable channel.

She wraps her blanket around her shoulders and breathes deeply. She is starting to feel a little better, not as cloudy or tired. At the end of the episode Jane walks through the door and drops her bags, walking directly over to kiss her wife and daughter.

"Hello my lovelies. How was your day?"

"Quiet." Maura says, happily and Jane smiles back at her.

"Good." Jane sits down to take her boots off.

"Hey Mama," Oliver greets her as he hurries down the stairs, "when's dinner? I'm starving."

"Shocking." Addi mumbles, not taking her eyes off of the T.V.

"I'll get something started." Maura stands up and walks over to the kitchen, followed closely by her wife.

"So everything went okay here today?" Jane asks again once they are out of earshot of their children.

Maura simply nods, leaning over to pull out one of the pans. Jane grabs a drink from the refrigerator offering minimal assistance to her wife. The house is quiet with only the little dings of metal pots and pans, the chopping of vegetables and the television volume low.

"Breaking News here in Boston tonight." The news channel logo pops up on the screen before showing a newscaster standing outside of the courthouse. "It was reported earlier this evening that a convicted prisoner, Wendell Miller, has escaped from custody."

At the mention of her tormentor's name Addi sits up straight on the couch, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. At first the words don't sound real, like she imagined them but they become all too real as the newscaster continues to speak.

"Miller, a convicted murderer of six victims back in 2009, was being transported to a psychological facility in Western Massachusetts when he escaped the guarded police vehicle near Bridgewater. The police are in pursuit of the man but have no leads at this time. News Channel 5 will be following this story throughout the rest of the night. This is Anna-"

"Mama." Addi whimpers and Jane is at her side immediately. She wraps her in her strong arms and can feel her whole body shaking.

"It's okay. It'll be okay baby." Jane whispers reassuring words into her ear and rubs her back. She settles them both on the couch.

"This can't be happening. This isn't happening. This isn't happening." Addi repeats to herself over and over, so quietly Jane can barely hear her.

"Maura, can you get me my phone please?" Jane's tone is even, but her eyes are wild when she looks at her wife.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna call and get a patrol on the house."

"We don't know that he's after her."

"No, we don't know that." Jane lowers her voice, "But there's a pretty good chance that he is, or that he will be soon." Jane squeezes Addi tighter. "And until this bastard is caught there will be twenty-four-seven coverage on all of you." Jane says firmly.

She speaks quickly and loudly into her cell phone and sighs after she hangs up.

"They're already on it. There will be a car outside the house in a couple minutes."

"This isn't happening. This isn't happening. No, no, no." Addi can't stop her body from shaking. She can't blink, her eyes feel like sandpaper but she has lost all control of her body.

"You're gonna be alright. I promise." Jane says.

Maura sits on the couch in between her children. She holds onto Oliver's arm and kisses Addi's temple.

"Why the hell didn't we hear about this sooner?"

Jane sounds furious. Her eyes lock with her wife and Maura can tell she is petrified. Maura's entire body has gone numb, she holds her children but she can't feel them; all she can feel is the terror growing inside of her.

When the patrol car arrives Jane goes out to talk to the officers. It is a few guys she knows from the precinct and this seems to calm her nerves a little, knowing they will do everything they can to protect her family. Maura watches their conversation through the curtain from a living room window. Oliver is sitting silently in the armchair in the corner of the room, staring at his book but not really reading it. Addi hasn't moved from her seat on the couch, her eyes are glued to the television which is a loop of news coverage, despite no new information coming in.

Jane walks through the front door and shivers; the fall air quickly turning into a winter chill.

"The guys said they opened a tip line but we know how many crockpots and false leads those open up. They'll be out there until shift change."

Maura nods in understanding as she sits down next to her daughter. Addi's mind is a whirlwind of thoughts. Every time she blinks Wendell Miller's face pops up in the darkness so she tries her hardest not to. She is biting her bottom lip so hard the skin is starting to peel the skin off of it but she doesn't seem to notice. Maura squeezes her hand before getting up to get her and Oliver something to drink; she needs to busy her hands or else she'll go insane. Jane is on her phone again, trying to get as much information as she can on what's going on and what her fellow police officers are doing about the situation.

"Here baby, drink this."

Maura's words are distant as every nightmare Addi has had in the past seven years circle in her head. She feels like her mind is going to melt, like she can't physically or mentally handle anything else happening. She wants to stop time and scream until she loses her voice. She wants to find Wendell Miller and tie him up so she can beat him until he's bloodied and black and blue. She wants to cause as much harm to him as he's caused her. She's never felt this much anger in her entire life and she is starting to be terrified by herself. She's a statue. She hasn't moved because if she opens her mouth to speak or moves her hands into a fist she can't be held accountable for whatever happens after that.

Most of the night is waiting; waiting for news, waiting for the new cops out front, waiting for Miller to be brought back into custody. Maura, Jane, and Oliver all try to get Addi to snap out of whatever trance she's been put into. They try to get her to drink water, to eat, to speak, but nothing happens. Nothing happens for hours. Addi stands up, she feels like her legs aren't attached to her body but she's had to go to the bathroom for hours and she finally is able to get her brain to tell her body to move.

"Where are you going?" Maura asks, not wanting either of her children out of her sight.

"The, uh," she clears her throat so she is able to speak, "the bathroom. I'll be right back."

She walks upstairs to their bathroom, needing a moment alone to try and get her thoughts in order; to try to get the room to stop spinning and her world from shattering around her.

She turns the light on, closes and locks the door and leans against the counter. She runs a hand over her face and looks up into the mirror. Like in a movie, the shower curtain whips back and there is a hand over her mouth and knife pressed against her throat before she is able to make a sound.

"Scream and everyone you love dies."


	19. God's Gonna Cut You Down

God's Gonna Cut You Down

She turns the light on, closes and locks the door and leans against the counter. She runs a hand over her face and looks up into the mirror. Like in a movie, the shower curtain whips back and there is a hand over her mouth and knife pressed against her throat before she is able to make a sound.

"Scream and everyone you love dies."

She blinks and he's gone. She takes a moment to catch her breath. She's been seeing Wendell Miller in the dark corners and shadows of her life since she was seven; now is no different. Her heartrate slows as she convinces herself that he was never in the bathroom with her. She runs her smooth, shaking hands over her throat and swallows hard.

When she opens the door to the bathroom Maura is standing there. She has a gentle smile on her face and Addi knows she is trying her best to be supportive but everything is getting on her nerves.

"Mom, I'm going to lie down. Let me know the second you hear anything okay?"

"Alright sweetheart."

Maura watches her daughter enter her bedroom and close the door behind her. She wants to wrap her up in her arms and squeeze until all the bad things in her life disappear but she knows she doesn't have that kind of power. Instead she walks back downstairs and watches the news and listens to every one of Jane's phone calls, trying to get all the information she can.

Addi plops herself down on her bed and her mattress squeaks. The sun has gone down by now so she turns her dim bedside lamp on. It's the only source of light in her whole bedroom; she can barely see her dresser across the room. She lies on her back and takes a few deep breaths, trying to understand the whole situation but it's no use. There is no understanding something this horrible and senseless. She starts to drift off to sleep; her eyelids droop closed, her breathing steadies, and her hand slides off the side of the bed.

A moment later her mattress squeaks but she hasn't moved. She lifts her head up to look around but she is pulled onto the floor. She is stunned for a moment. When she looks to the side of her, under her bed, she is met with the one face she will never forget. Wendell Miller looks much older than he did seven years ago, with scars covering half of his face and his rotten teeth pulled into a yellow smile.

"Addison, I've missed you."

This time when Addison blinks he doesn't disappear. She squeezes her eyes shut but when she opens them again he still has a hold on her; his dark, almost black eyes are staring into hers and she's frozen. He grabs her throat and presses down, forcing any breath that could have escaped back into her lungs. She coughs but he puts his hand over her mouth. He smells just like she remembers; cigarette smoke and body odor masked by cheap cologne. He's in street clothes, they probably let him change before leaving the prison; a V-neck t-shirt that was once white and jeans that are more holes than actual denim that show his dirty, hairy legs. His discount gold chain rattles against something. Her vision starts to blur but she squints to see her mother's wedding ring on the dainty silver chain, the one she thought she lost months ago. Her eyes widen and he follows her gaze to the necklace.

"Were you looking for this?" His voice is raspy and gruff. "I had a friend of mine sneak in here one night while you were sleeping and get it for me." He chuckles and shakes his head, "Don't worry, he said you don't snore. It helps to have a friend who's a prison guard, you know?"

He lets go of her throat but doesn't move his hand from over her mouth. She takes in as much air as she is able to through the slits of his fingers, the taste of dirt polluting her saliva. Her vision starts to return to normal through the tears as she blinks quickly.

"Let me get a look at you." He sits up, straddling her hips, using his body weight to force her into the floorboards. "You grew up good, kid. Nice and pretty, just like your mom was."

The mention of her biological mother, the woman he took away from her, infuriates her. She tries to kick him away but he uses his free hand to grab her hair and pull as hard as he can.

"Don't fight it, or else it will be so much worse for you."

He chuckles again, this time showing a glimmer of humor in his eyes which makes her shiver. Her tears are dripping down her reddened cheeks and she is trying everything in her power not to scream because she knows that will only get her killed. She stops squirming.

"Good girl." He smiles down at her again and she tries her best not cry. "Oh, I almost forgot. I brought something for you."

He pulls a large knife out from the back of his pants and it glimmers in the limited light coming from the small lamp. He moves the blade over her body, letting it scrape over the bare skin on her face, neck, and arms, before using it to lift up the bottom of her shirt.

"Your scar is beautiful." He puts the knife down for a moment to run his fingertips over the raised tissue, "I'm honored to have left you with such a gift."

He leans down and kisses it before he picks the knife back up and pushes the blade into her scar tissue just enough for her to feel it but not enough to cut her.

"Scars are such wonderful reminders of the struggle in our lives. Don't you think? I'm sure you've seen mine by now."

He leans his face further into the light and waits for a moment, like he is waiting for her to say something but she stays as still as possible.

"Turns out even scumbags in prison have their code. They all got things even the baddest guys don't do. Apparently hurting kids is one of those things. So I've got you to thank for all this."

He leans down and runs his nose along her jawline and up to just below her ear. She can hear him inhale deeply. Her own breathing quickens as her mind races, trying to think of all the possible ways she can get herself out of here. She can't think of anything, the only thing that comes to mind is how Jane and Frankie saved her the last time, and how this time she might not be as lucky. She looks to the door but there's no movement on the other side, no shadows showing underneath, no sounds, nothing.

"Maybe I should go upstairs and check on her."

"Maur, she's fine. Just give her some space."

Maura nods and sits back down on the couch, on the edge of the seat, biting her thumbnail. The news has yet to say anything else and the police officers that Jane has been in contact with don't have any leads. The house is too quiet for a weeknight. Usually at this time they would be watching a movie or helping the kids with their homework or playing a board game.

"Mama, what happens if they don't find him?"

"They'll find him buddy, don't worry."

"Don't worry? Really?" Ollie stands up from his chair and crosses his arms. "There's a serial killer out there somewhere who may or may not be after my little sister. But let's be honest we all know that she's what he's after."

"Ollie listen I know this is hard."

"Oliver, we are all scared but the police are investigating, they will find him."

"Wendell Miller is a maniac, Mom. We have no idea what he's capable of." Oliver tucks both hands into his pockets. "I'm sick of just waiting around here. Isn't there something we can do?"

"I don't know-"

"You can go check on your sister for me." Maura interrupts her wife, knowing how Oliver feels.

They are all sitting ducks; helpless in their own home. Oliver nods slightly and walks up the stairs. There is a soft banging sound from the ceiling,

"Sounds like she just got up."

Oliver walks upstairs toward his sister's room. When he gets to her door he hears speaking, the low hum of a deep voice, much too deep to be Addison's. He puts his ear against the wood but he can't make anything out. He knocks twice,

"Addi?" He doesn't get an answer so he pushes the door open and what he sees is something right out of a horror movie.

His sister is pinned on the ground underneath the body of a grown man. A face he has seen in photos during his research of the murder case of Addi's parents, but now it is grossly disfigured on one side. The man stands up and shuts the door, grabbing Oliver in one arm, pulling him down to the ground so he can keep a hand around Addi's throat to keep her from screaming.

"I wasn't planning on an audience but looks like it's your lucky day young man. You're in for a show."

Oliver is stunned into silence. He's sweating, his hands shaking, and his eyes dart around the room until they fall onto his sister's face. She looks surprisingly calm for this situation and if he weren't so scared he would find that discomforting.

She is fighting off the thousands of thoughts racing in her mind. Her muscles are strained as she tries to push Wendell's dead weight off of her long enough to get a breath.

"Ollie," She groans but he pushes the knife into her throat hard enough to draw blood this time.

"Shut the hell up. What did I say? You wanna watch him die?" His voice is a brash whisper, any louder and he would simply be talking.

She shakes her head and he pulls the knife back. He pushes Oliver against the wall, his forearm pressing against his throat.

"Now you're gonna watch me do to your baby sister what I already did to her parents."

Oliver keeps his mouth shut but Addi keeps talking. The only way to postpone what he has planned is to keep him talking long enough for her parents to come into the room and save them; at least she hopes. It's the only plan she has so she decides to go for it.

"Why are you doing this?" Addi's voice is hoarse.

"What did I say?" His voice is lower now. "Why do you think I'm doing this?"

"I don't know. Please tell me."

He looks toward the door, once he's satisfied that no one is coming, he looks back to Addison,

"I'm doing this because I have to."

"No, no, you don't have to."

"Yes I do." His voice gets louder, "I do."

Addi looks over to Oliver and he is already looking into her eyes. The fear behind them is immense and dark and murky but he understands now what she's doing; he nods his head slightly so she knows he understands.

"I told God that I would kill all the sinners in the world for him. I promised."

"Sinners?"

"Sinners like your parents; your daddy the adulterer; your mom, the drug addict."

"What are you talking about? That isn't true." She pushes at his hand but it stays steady around her neck. "You didn't even know them."

"Didn't I though? You seriously don't remember me? You don't remember all those nights that I watched you through your window?"

Addi's eyes tear up again as she shakes her head as fiercely as she can.

"Back then you called me Jack and I called you Ella. Cinderella was your favorite movie. You told your parents about me, your friend. They thought I was imaginary," He scoffs, "little did they know that you were telling me all about their bad behavior; their sins."

Addi's breathing is getting more erratic, trying not to let his words make sense. Oliver is scooching closer to the door, inch by inch, and Wendell doesn't seem to notice.

"Come on Addison, you remember, I know you do. We were best friends. You would sit at your window, in your white and pink nightgown. I sat in that chair you left for me behind the bushes. After your mom's third glass of wine and a few pills, after your dad would sneak out the back door to meet up with his," he creates air quotes with one hand, "secretary. You would crawl out of bed and talk with me; it was like a game."

"No, none of this ever happened." She struggles against his hand again.

"Sh, it's alright pumpkin."

A shiver runs up and down her spine when he uses this nickname, one that no one ever used for her, except one person. Her eyes widen and her mouth falls open slightly as he releases her neck.

"There she is." His smile grows wider, more menacing. "You remember don't you? All those nights that we spent talking, I was going to take you away from that place." His smile falls and his eyebrows narrow, "Until you had me taken away; you turned on me like everyone else!"

He grabs her neck, lifts her head, and slams it against the floor. Her skull cracks against the hardwood and she cries out in pain but he clamps his dirty hand over her mouth again. He leans down close to her ear, his warm breath going inside of her, swirling around her eardrum and forcing her to listen to him.

"You sent me away."

Her vision is blurred. This time there's no clearing it up. Looking up at him is like staring into the sun, it hurts her eyes and head all at the same time.

"I'm sorry for what I did. You have to believe me. Please Jack, it's me." She smiles but it barely moves her lips.

"You sent me away. You told them I was the bad one, when you know it was them. You know it was." He's yelling now, flailing his hands, the knife waving over her head.

"I know and that was wrong. But Jack, I was only a little girl. I didn't know any better. I was just scared, you know?"

"I was scared too. I was doing God's work. You know how scary that is? You know how scary it is to be put in prison with all those men who think I only hurt little kids because I like it?"

"No, I have no idea how scary that is. But if you let me up, you can tell me all about it."

She looks over to Oliver who is much closer to the door than he was before and Wendell follows her gaze.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

Oliver shakes his head and lifts his hands up in surrender.

"N-nothing, I promise. I was just, I was, uh,"

"You were gonna tell on me again, weren't you?"

"No, Jack, that's my brother Ollie, he's a good guy. He wants to be your friend too."

"No he doesn't, no." He puts his hands over his ears and shakes his head. "No, you wanna put me in the crazy hospital just like everyone else. I'm not nuts. Ella, you know that right?"

He looks at her like a child looking for validation on an art project. She has a disgusting feeling, like tar, in the pit at the middle of her stomach when he uses the nickname he used to use for her. She pictures his face appearing at her window at night, opening it up, and talking about her mom and dad with him; his sickeningly sweet smile that he always gave her when she gave him information he liked, the way he ran his calloused hand through her thin hair, or the little kisses she would give him on the cheek before he would leave.

"You know I'm not crazy right?" She nods but he gets up and grabs Oliver by the collar of his shirt. "But you, you don't know nothing and you aren't going anywhere." He pulls the knife back and yells, "Lying's a sin; you're a sinner so you have to pay."

He swings his arm back and stabs Oliver in the stomach. The sound that it makes is enough to make Addi sick. She squeezes her eyes shut and screams.

The bedroom door swings open and her mother's voice is louder than she's ever heard it.

"Drop the weapon, now!" She has her gun fixed on Wendell's head.

He drops Oliver to the ground and he falls like a bag of laundry, somehow heavy and light at the same time. He falls into a heap, blood flowing from his body in every direction, staining the small pink rug a crimson red that smells like pennies. Wendell moves toward Jane with his knife and she doesn't think twice about shooting him in the chest. He falls, much harder than Oliver did, right in front of Addi, who is using her shaking arms to push herself up. His eyes are still open and his breathing is labored, on the brink of death immediately. Everything starts to move in slow motion.

Jane moves to Oliver's side to check his injury, pulling out her phone to call for an ambulance, the cops that she had right behind her move to Wendell Miller, one with a gun still trained on his head, the other checking his pulse. She can't pull her eyes away from his face, the scar tissue glimmering in the orange light and his eyes filled with tears that won't fall once he's dead, his hand reaching out to hers.

"Ella," He gasped, "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

"Wendell," Her voice is now a growl, similar to the way his was before, "only those free of sin are free to cast the first stone, and you're filled with sin. You couldn't save yourself, how the hell could you have ever saved me?"

She stands and kicks his side,

"How dare you use a little girl like that! How dare you make me feel guilty for this! You're the sinner!" Her voice continues to get louder while Jane tries to grab her, "You're the sinner! You're the sinner!" Sobs escape her, shake her chest, and rattle her ribcage as she falls into her mother's arms.


	20. Way Down We Go

Way Down We Go

Jane is standing by Oliver's side as the paramedics load him onto a gurney. He's groaning, somehow still conscious. Addi wishes more than anything that he had passed out from the pain, knowing just how much pain he is in.

"He's dead." She hears another medic say.

He lays a white sheet over Wendell Miller's lifeless body.

"Wait." She walks over to his side and looks to the medic, "Can you?" She motions to the sheet and he looks in confusion at her for a moment but then pulls it back to reveal his face.

His eyes are still open and blood is spattered over his scarred tissue. She pulls the sheet down lower and grabs her mother's ring from around his neck.

"I hope you rot in hell." She whispers and walks past everyone down the stairs.

She runs outside and Maura rushes over to her in a panic.

"Where's your brother?"

Addi looks at her Mom with wide eyes, assuming someone had told her what happened. Before she can answer the other paramedics walk outside rolling the gurney toward the ambulance.

"Oliver," She gasps, and rushes over to him, "What happened? Jane, what happened?"

"He was stabbed." Jane says, still in a trance, following her son without a second thought into the ambulance. "A uniform will drive you both to the hospital." She tells her wife as the doors shut.

Addison follows Maura over to the officers that had followed Jane upstairs. They get into the back of the police car and Addi shifts as far away from her mother as she can.

Guilt has twisted up her insides. She feels like none of her organs are in the right place. Her vision is still blurry, the cut on her neck stings, and her throat hurts, but none of it matters. The only thing she can think about is how scared Oliver was, how scared he must be now, and how she got him stabbed. He could die and it's all her fault.

Maura tries to hold her hand but she pulls it away; it's still wrapped in a fist around her mother's ring. She isn't so sure she wants it anymore after everything Wendell said about her, all the things she's been reminded of tonight. How could she have forgotten all of it? The picture perfect image that she has painted of her parents for the past seven years has been destroyed and she can't feel the ground anymore.

The emergency room doctors don't seem to know what to do. They're yelling, running around in a hectic frenzy and it's all too reminiscent of seven years ago. Maura finds Jane and they follow all of the doctors and nurses through a set of glass doors leaving Addison in the waiting room with some police officers she barely knows.

"You should get that looked at." One of them says, but she walks past him and takes a seat in the wobbly chair at the other end of the room.

Throughout the night the waiting room fills up with family; Angela, Frankie, Tommy, and Korsak. They talk to Addison, ask her questions, try to get her to see a doctor, but she doesn't move, she barely even blinks. She barely breathes because the air is too thick to fit in her mouth and too stale to swallow.

After a few hours Jane and Maura walk back into the waiting room hand in hand. Everyone stands, except for Addison because she can't seem to get her brain to signal for her body to do anything.

"How is he?" Angela asks, standing as quickly as her body allows.

"He's stable. The doctors say if they can keep him stable and his vitals stay as strong as they are right now throughout the night that he should be fine."

Jane's voice is thick. She's been crying which makes Addi uncomfortable. Her Mama is not usually the one to cry in these situations so she knows it's worse than they are leading on.

"Can we see him?" Tommy asks, holding onto Angela's hand.

"He's still in the ICU so only me and Maura are allowed in right now. You should all go home and get some rest, it's late. We'll let you know as soon as he's allowed visitors."

With hesitation everyone leaves.

Maura and Jane stand in silence for another minute. The past few hours have been nothing but chaos and confusion. They have been forced into making the hardest decisions that they have ever had to make. Maura hasn't stopped shaking. Jane is holding her bicep, both to steady herself and to steady her wife. Maura isn't matching anyone's eyeline, her eyes are darting around the room, looking at all the doctors, the patients, the families of those patients. She clenches her fists because for the first time in a very long time she feels completely out of place in a hospital. She has always been in control; Dr. Isles always has the answers, she is usually the one to look into the eyes of those families and break the news; those families that look just like hers does right now.

Her cheeks are red, from wiping away tears but also because of the anger that is seeping through her skin. She can't bear to look at her daughter. She would never admit it out loud because she loves her too much but she can't help but blame her for everything that has happened in the past twenty-four hours.

"I'm going back to sit with him." Her voice is deeper than it ever is and Jane knows what she's feeling.

She knows that her insides are tearing apart at the sight of her son nearly dying on the bed in front of her. She is beating herself up because they should have known that he was in the house, that finding Addison would be the first thing that Wendell Miller did. She shouldn't feel blame toward her little girl, who is also the victim in all of this, but she does.

"Maur,"

"If you need me that's where I'll be."

Maura goes back into Oliver's room so Jane and Addi are the only ones left in the waiting room. Addi watches her go. She can sense Maura's disdain. It's something she's never felt but she lets it seep into her bones, she lets it wash over her because she knows that she deserves every bit of hatred that her mothers are feeling for her right now. It's all her fault. Maura staggers a little, her body barely holding her up, dragging herself through the double doors down the hallway.

Jane kneels in front of her daughter and puts her hands on her knees rubbing circles over her jeans.

"You need to get your head checked out."

She doesn't get a reaction. Panic rises in Jane's chest as the idea of Addison's injuries being worse than they appear sets in.

"Addison, can you hear me?"

She nods gently.

"He's going to be okay, baby. I promise."

"This is all my fault."

"No, that's not true."

Jane shakes her head and looks fiercely into her daughter's eyes; the glassy blue ones that break her heart.

"Don't you think for even a second that any of this is your fault."

Addison wants to tell her Mama everything that she remembered tonight but she can't get the words to form right. She can't get her hands to stop shaking or her throat to loosen up so she just nods again, knowing that any argument she gives Jane at this point wouldn't make a difference. She takes Jane's extended hand and allows her mother to pull her to her feet.

She feels like she's just stepped off a treadmill; like the movement of her feet and her body don't match but she just watches the colors of the floor tiles change beneath her feet while they walk to one of the exam rooms in the emergency room.

Addi stays silent through her examination, only speaking when it is necessary to answer the doctor. She sits, leaning against Jane's side, her knee bouncing wildly. Her fingers peel the skin from around her nails until they bleed. She sleeps across a few of the chairs in the waiting room, wrapped in Jane's jacket.

"Hey you,"

Jane looks up to see her little brother, Frankie, standing over her with a cup of coffee.

"Hey you didn't need to come back this early,"

"Are you kidding me?"

Jane takes the coffee and kisses his cheek when he takes the seat next to her.

"How is she doing?"

They both look over to Addi.

"I don't know. She won't say anything, not really. She blames herself."

"Of course she does. That kid carries the weight of the world on her shoulders."

"Always has." Jane reaches out and runs her hand up and down Addi's leg, "I tried to get her to go home. She has blood on her clothes, she's exhausted, but she said she isn't leaving until she gets to see her brother."

"She's got the Rizzoli stubbornness in her blood."

"She doesn't have my blood remember?"

"Well nature versus nurture I guess."

This gets Jane to smirk a little, an action that feels incredibly foreign to her features. Her years of detective work have gotten her well acquainted with lack of sleep and yet she has never felt more exhausted in her life; but if she tried to sleep now there is no way she would be able to.

"It's actually a good thing you're here. I should go check on Maura."

"Has anyone checked on you, Janie?"

"I'm fine Frankie."

"I don't believe you," When she stands he grabs her wrist, "You can't handle everything on your own."

"I'm not on my own, you're here."

Her eyes don't look familiar to him in this lighting, in this setting.

"You know what I mean."

"Can you just stay here with her please?"

"Of course."

Oliver's hospital room is dark. A single light above his bed is on; it illuminates his pale skin, his messy hair, his scowl against his ventilator. Jane stands by the door, waiting for him to move even though she knows he won't. The doctors are hopeful but it does very little to extinguish the uneasiness in her gut.

She thinks Maura's asleep on the little leather bench in the corner of the room but when she looks up at her, through darkened eyes, she knows that she hasn't fallen asleep either, not for a second.

"Hi my love," Jane sits next to Maura, letting her curl into her, nearly on her lap, reveling in the warmth of her wife; the steady breathing, the fact that she is still alive.

"No change."

"I know. The doctors told me." Jane runs a hand through Maura's hair, "He'll make it through this. I know it."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I can feel it in my bones; the same way I felt that Addison would make it through the last time, the same way I knew that we would fall in love. I'm a detective, I have incredible instincts."

"I hope you're right."

"Look at him, Maur. He's a fighter, just like the rest of us. He doesn't need to use those survivalist tactics as much as the rest of us, thankfully, but they've always been there." Jane kisses just below Maura's ear, "But the thing about heroes is, they always come through when it really matters."

Maura nods, letting tears drip down her cheeks again. Her sobs are harsher, much more aggressive than before and she lets Jane hold her. Her strong arms wrapped around her feel like they are the only thing holding her together. Jane holds her tears in, unable to let Maura see her like that again, she doesn't want to add more sadness to the room, to her wife's grief.

 **A/N: Hey everyone, so I am still alive and I am still working on this story but as I'm sure it was for many of you, this holiday season got a little hectic. But I am getting back into a normal schedule again and hope to update more regularly again. I hope there is still interest in this story. Thanks for your patience and loyalty it really means a lot to me!**


	21. Sometimes it's Hard

Sometimes it's Hard

After nearly two days of no one leaving the hospital Jane decides it's time to convince Addi to leave; to go home, shower, get some rest, to eat something, to do anything other than just sit because they've all spent enough time feeling helpless and hopeless.

"Addi, baby, it's time."

Addi looks up at her Mama. She is sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest, chewing on her thumb nail, rocking gently back and forth on the rickety old chair in the Intensive Care Unit waiting room. Her eyes have become accustomed to the dim, flickering fluorescent light and the dingy purple carpet; but when she looks up quickly a sharp pain shoots through her temple. She doesn't notice the hospital smell anymore and the incessant beeping sounds coming from all around her don't even register in her mind; fading into the ambient sounds that are muted by the sound of her own thoughts.

"Addison," Jane kneels in front of her making it so the only place to look is at her face, "let Nonna take you home, let her cook you some real food. Sleep in your own bed."

"I'm not going anywhere until he wakes up."

Jane knows that biologically speaking Addison is not hers, and that Frankie wasn't right, but when she looks into her daughter's eyes she can't help but think there may be a little bit of Rizzoli in her somewhere after all. The stubbornness in her set jaw and pursed lips mimics Jane's and she sighs, running a hand down the back of her neck.

Addi looks at Jane the same way Jane looked at Maura seven years ago in this same hospital; when Wendell Miller came around the first time. Jane spent nearly every second at the hospital waiting for Addi to wake up, waiting for her to recover, waiting to take her home. She understands everything her little girl is feeling. She understands all of it but wishes she didn't have to.

"Okay, I'll just tell her to bring some clean clothes and maybe some books or cards or something. I don't know about you but I'm going a little stir crazy in this place."

Oliver's condition hasn't progressed, not really, but it hasn't regressed either and that is at least something to be thankful for. Maura has barely left the tiny leather bench beside Oliver's bed, determined to be the first face he sees when he opens his eyes. The doctors aren't sure why he isn't waking up but they have taken him off the ventilator and he is breathing on his own, his vitals are steady, his blood oxygen levels are almost back to normal, and he is expected to wake up any time now; so all that's left to do is wait, and wait, and wait.

"Come on kid talk to me. You've barely said three words to me."

Tears sting Addi's eyes. She hasn't stopped thinking about all the stuff Miller said to her, all the truths she had repressed for so long. They've overtaken her entire body; her muscles, her bones, her breath. Every movement both voluntary and involuntary has been consumed once again by this man; he's controlling her even now after his death. She clenches her fist but Jane places her warm steady hand over it and feels it relax again.

"What is there to say?"

"How about you start with how your head feels and then go from there?"

"My head's fine. I have a little headache but it's nothing," She waves Jane off when she tries to lean in to check her pupils, "It's nothing compared to what Oliver is dealing with."

"That's no way to measure pain. Just because you're brother was hurt worse doesn't mean that you go unnoticed or that you're suddenly unimportant."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I meant that I can deal with my concussion, and the stupid cut on my neck, and the bruises. But I can only do that if he can deal with his stuff; I can't lose him Mama, and I can't be the reason that you lose him."

Her voice cracks but her expression remains stony and cold.

"Oh baby, you're not going to, okay? No one is going to lose him."

"You can't promise that. Not even the doctors can promise that. What if he doesn't wake up? Or what if he does and he hates me because I got him stabbed?"

Jane takes the empty chair next to Addi and pulls her daughter into her side, squeezing her tight.

"Your brother could never hate you. He loves you more than anything in this world and I've seen that first hand."

Addi shifts to get more comfortable, letting Jane hold her for the first time in days, breathing a heavy sigh at her comforting words.

"I see it in the way he is patient and kind with you, the way he stayed by your side when you had the chicken pox, or when he helped us welcome you into our home. Oliver loves you so much and I know that he would do it all over again if it meant that you were safe. That's the kind of guy he is. He doesn't hate you."

"Maybe not but Mom does."

"What?"

"She's barely looked at me since all of this happened. She hasn't said anything to me since that day and I don't blame her. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me too. I got your son stabbed. I almost killed him."

Jane's heartrate increases, she feels her cheeks redden, her own fists clench this time. When she pulls away she is met with the same complacent look on Addi's face, as if the words aren't affecting her, but she can tell they are ripping her apart from the inside out.

"That is absolutely untrue. No one hates you and nobody blames you, Addison. The only person at fault here is Wendell Miller, do you understand me?"

Addi doesn't react.

"Mom doesn't blame you sweetheart, there's no way she could ever do that. She's just scared and she's sad and confused. That's not a way that you see her that often so I think you may have just misconstrued those emotions for anger; but if she is angry it isn't at you." Jane shakes her head and kisses Addison's cheek, "This is not your fault. I'll say it a million times if that's what it takes for you to understand. It isn't your fault."

"It is my fault."

Somehow when Addi says it again, it sounds more matter of fact, it sounds flatter, meaner, and more deliberate.

"Wendell Miller targeted my mom and dad. Him coming into our house, knowing all about us, it's all my fault. I told him all about my family and he used that information to get into our house and kill them."

Jane sits up straighter, a defensive posture. A chill runs down her spine.

"I told him all about the bad stuff they used to do; the cheating, the drinking, the pills, all of it. He was deluded and strange but I didn't know any better. I was seven." Tears drip down her cheeks and her whole body vibrates with the words that have been stewing inside of her for days, "I just wanted a friend."

"Addi, baby, what are you talking about?"

Jane is trying her best to follow along but up until this point she had never heard anything about this. Up until this point she was under the impression that Addison's biological parents were good people.

"I knew Wendell Miller before he came into my house that night."

"Jane." Maura's raspy, tired voice startles both of them.

They turn around and it's the first glimpse of Maura that Addi has seen in at least a day. Her eyes are sunken in, her hair is pulled up into a messy ponytail and her clothes are a wrinkled mess. Jane is torn, she doesn't want to take her attention off of Addi for a second, not after the news she just shared, but if Oliver is in trouble she needs to be there too.

Her nerves feel like they could explode inside her and she could keel over and die at any second. Adrenaline hasn't stopped coursing through her veins since she kicked open Addi's bedroom door to find Wendell Miller inside. She hasn't had a moment to think about herself and she is thankful because if she had she would notice how exhausted and devastated she is. She would be useless to everyone around her; her family who needs her so badly right now.

"Jane?"

"Yeah Maura, what's going on?"

"He's awake."

"What?" Jane and Addi ask at the same time.

"He's awake and he's asking for you."

Addi's eyes are still leaking tears when they widen at her mother's words. Relief washes over her and she sinks her shoulders, feeling only slightly less scared. She watches her Mama get up and start to leave, thinking that she hadn't heard what she said or that she's already forgotten. Until she turns around and walks back to Addi, she wraps her in a tight hug and kisses her temple.

"I'll be back, you stay right here and we'll talk more. Got it?"

She just nods. She isn't sure if Jane is upset with her or if she's scared for her or if she is going to send her away, scared that she will do something like this again to their family. She sits in the waiting room alone, no one is coming in or out which seems strange in such a big hospital. She watches one of the nurses at the nurses' station answer a phone call. A smile pulls across her face while she speaks and then writes something down. She's young, probably right out of nursing school, and gorgeous. She looks like she could be on one of those doctor shows that Jane and Maura don't like her watching; Jane because of all the sex and Maura because apparently they are wildly inaccurate. She wonders if she's one of Oliver's nurses. She hopes so because she has a kind smile and Oliver's deserves someone with a kind smile and a gentle voice.

She feels her eyes start to drift closed until a heavy hand sits on her shoulder. She jumps up from her chair and turns to see her Uncle Frankie.

"Wow, kid, it's me. Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He puts his hands up in surrender, "Nonna told me to bring these to you and your moms. Where are they anyway?"

"Ollie just woke up." She grabs the bag of clothes and other items from his hand and sits back down.

"You don't sound so excited about that." He sits down next to her.

"Of course I am. I'm just, uh," She sighs and kicks her sneaker against the carpet.

"You're scared."

She looks into his eyes. He's always understood her. He accepted her into the family right away and never made her feel like the adopted one. She's happy he's the one that came instead of Angela. No matter how much she loves her grandmother she is always a little too much for her; too loud, too emotional, too touchy-feely. Frankie is more like Jane and she's thankful for him, especially in this moment.

"Yeah. Nothing is going to be the same ever again."

"What do you mean?"

"Before, when it was just me who had to deal with everything Wendell Miller left behind it was fine. I could deal with it on my own, but now I'm the reason Ollie got stabbed. I'm the reason he came into our house, the reason he broke out of jail, it's all because of me. Mom and Mama are always going to know that. It's always going to be in the back of their minds even if they don't say it out loud."

"They don't blame you for this."

"Will everyone stop saying that? Everyone should blame me. It's my fault, alright? It is. I know that. You know that. Mom and Mama know that." Her voice is getting louder, "If they're going to send me away or if they're going to check me into a mental hospital or whatever they're going to do, they might as well just do it now. Why pretend like what happened wasn't because of me? What's the point of that?"

"Kid, I think that you're blaming yourself, so you think everyone else does. You can't see that everyone else is just scared for you. We always have been."

"I don't want anyone to be scared for me. I just want everyone to admit that they blame me, it would make me feel better."

"How would that make anyone feel better?"

Addi decides to keep her mouth shut. She leans back in her chair and crosses her arms. Frankie wants to ask again but judging by the look on her face it's clear she's done. He sits with her in silence and waits for Jane to come back. It's another hour before she comes back. Her exhaustion is still evident on her face but she's smiling.

"Frankie, when did you get here?"

"A little while ago, Ma told me to bring you guys some clothes and then Addi told me that Ollie woke up so I decided to stick around. How is he?"

Addi's ears perk up waiting to hear her answer, wanting so badly to see her brother.

"He's good, he's alert and responsive. The doctors said that he could go home soon."

"When's soon?"

"A couple days," She sneaks a glance at Addi and continues, more for her daughter's peace of mind than Frankie's, "He looks good, really good."

"Does he remember what happened?"

"He said it's a little fuzzy but he does for the most part."

"Can I see him now?" Addi's voice feels like it's coming from someone else.

She hasn't felt anything since Wendell attacked her; hunger, sadness, fear, anger, nothing. She hasn't been able to register anything other than the numbness that's consumed her. She's barely slept and she can't stop shaking. The only thing she wants is to see her brother.

"Not yet baby. Once he's moved from the ICU."

"No Mama," She stands and puts both hands on her hips, "I'm sick of hearing 'not now' and 'maybe later'. It's not fair. He's my brother and I deserve to see him."

"I know, Addison, but these aren't my rules, they're the hospital's rules. So until he's out of the ICU you can't go in. He's still prone to infection and he's very weak-"

"Fine whatever."

"I want you to go home with Uncle Frankie."

"I'm staying."

"No, you're going. You need to get some sleep and take a shower."

"I don't want to do any of that."

"I'm not asking."

They stand, squaring up, both glaring into each other's eyes, testing how far they can push the other one and based on both of their levels of sleep deprivation it won't be very far. Frankie doesn't want them to cause a scene in the waiting room so he takes Addi's elbow in his hand and pulls her toward him.

"Come on kid. We'll come back in the morning."

She tears her eyes away from her mother's. There's something she isn't telling her but she can't figure out what it is.

"I love you, baby."

She thinks about not saying it back. She almost doesn't but one blink, one flash of Oliver falling to the ground, and she knows she has to.

"I love you too."

Jane watches them leave. She waits until she can't see them on the other side of the glass doors anymore before walking back to Oliver's room. Maura looks up at her, a relieved expression still on her face. Oliver is asleep again, something he will be doing a lot of in the next few days according to the doctors.

"Where were you?"

Jane takes a seat next to her wife and lets her head fall into her hands. Maura's hand runs up her back, up to her neck and back down.

"I sent Addi home with Frankie."

"Oh."

"What else could I do? Oliver made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want to see her right now."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her the hospital has a rule against her coming in here."

"You lied." Maura's voice isn't accusatory, more sad than anything.

"I couldn't tell her the truth. She's one loose thread away from spiraling out of control, this would break her." Jane looks up at her wife through reddened eyes, "How the hell are we supposed to tell her that her brother hates her?"


	22. I Can't Go on Without You

I Can't Go on Without You

Hi guys, sorry this took so long. Here's a shortish chapter that offers a little insight to Oliver's state of mind right now. Enjoy!

" _Oliver, come in here for a minute please,"_

 _Maura and Jane are sitting at the dining room table when he comes into the room. He's eight and the sight of both of his mothers sitting, straight faced, and staring at him makes him anxious. He does as he was asked and takes a seat across from them, trying his best to read their expressions._

 _"Am I in trouble?"_

 _"No, not at all," Maura answers first and then looks to her wife to continue the conversation._

 _"We have something important we want to talk to you about though," Jane clears her throat and sits up straighter, "So you know that case me and Mama worked on about a month ago? The one with the little girl who lost her parents,"_

 _"Yeah, why?"_

 _"Well she is getting out of the hospital soon and we wanted to, um," Jane looks deep into her son's eyes and freezes._

 _The last thing she wants Oliver to think is that he isn't enough for them. She would hate herself if he ever thought she was trying to replace him. Maura senses her nervousness, places her hand on top of Jane's and continues to speak for her._

 _"Mama and I have talked about opening our home to foster her."_

 _Oliver's face remains stoic as he nods curtly once, waiting for his mother to speak again._

 _"We didn't want to do anything until we talked to you first. We understand that this is your home and if that would make you uncomfortable or unhappy then we won't do it."_

 _He sits still, the gears in his head turning. Jane and Maura can almost see the ideas whirring around in his brain, right behind his eyes, faster than any other child his age could ever comprehend._

 _"She's all better?"_

 _"Yes, it's taken a while," Maura speaks, "but the doctors are releasing her in a few days."_

 _"She has no one left?"_

 _Jane finds her voice again, "Her parents were the only living family she had."_

 _"Then she needs to come live with us," He says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "No one should be all alone."_

 _"You really feel that way?"_

 _"I think so." He squints and pushes his glasses up further on his nose, backtracking like he had said something wrong, "So that means I would have a sister?"_

 _"A foster sister, but if things go well and she's happy here then we would consider adopting her, yes," Maura gives a very professional answer._

 _"Do you think she'll like me?"_

 _Jane notes the self-consciousness in his voice and reaches across the table to grab his hand._

 _"Ollie, buddy, this little girl has been through one of the hardest things anyone could ever go through. Her parents were taken from her and she was hurt by a very bad man. So I think as long as you are kind to her, respect her, show her that you care about her, just like you would with me and Mama or any of your friends, then she will love you."_

 _Oliver lets a small smile creep up onto his face._

 _"You're amazing Oliver."_

The beeping from Oliver's heart monitor is as unnoticeable to Maura as her own heartbeat at this point. Her eyes feel like they're filled with sand because she has barely blinked, afraid that if she closes her eyes Oliver will disappear. Her own sense of logic and reasoning went out the window when she saw Oliver being wheeled out of the house on a gurney. For the first time in her entire life she hasn't had a coherent thought in days.

"Mom?" Oliver's voice echoes through her empty brain, "Mom? Can you hand me my water?"

Maura pushes the fog away long enough to hand him the plastic cup.

"Um, Mom, it's empty," He tries to smile but his exhaustion doesn't allow him to do much more than hand her back his cup and lay his head on his pillow.

"Sorry," Maura stands and pours water into the cup.

"I'm okay. You should sleep."

"I'll sleep when you are out of this hospital."

"That sounds unhealthy." He groans and takes a sip of the water, "When Mama gets back I'm going to have her force you to sleep."

"She can try, but in nature when a mother is protecting her offspring her strength can double when her animal instincts kick in. Are you sure you want to subject your Mama to that?"

"She's a mother protecting her offspring too, Mom, and she has a gun."

Maura feigns shock but it quickly fades into a sleepy smile.

"Where is Mama anyway?"

"She went home to get some clothes and to talk to Uncle Frankie. If you want I can call her and tell her to bring Addison with her."

Oliver's expression turns from a medicated stupor into a stony anger.

"I already told you and Mama I don't want to see her. This is her fault."

"Oliver," Maura warns him but he puts his hand up to silence her.

"I can't look at her face right now. I don't want to and I'm the one in the hospital so I get to decide whether or not I see her. I get to be angry right now. I am always the level headed one, the one that gets pushed aside because Addison had a nightmare or she has a soccer game or she has something more important going on."

Maura swallows thickly, taking a moment to look down at her shoes; steadying her expression to meet Oliver's eyes.

"I didn't know you felt that way."

"You never asked," He looks back into his mother's eyes and is surprised to find they aren't filled with anger but they are instead filled with pain, "I'm the quiet, well behaved one, and that's always been fine with me. But if there's one thing that I learned from all of this, it's that life is too short. It can end before you get to say all the stuff you need to say."

Jane has been standing in the doorway but stayed silent when she heard the heat in Oliver's tone. She was unable to walk past the threshold; the weight of his words is enough to crush her chest. She moves into the room and the clicking of the door closing signals her presence to both Oliver and Maura.

"What kind of things?"

Oliver looks down at where the IV goes under his skin. He takes a few deep breaths,

"I'm gay."

The silence in the room isn't real silence because there are nurses and doctors outside the door, equipment is being rolled down the hallway, Oliver's heart rate monitor spikes slightly when he speaks and his breathing is audible now. Even if it's only to him, it's loud enough to disturb the silence that is somewhere beneath the rest of it.

"Oh." Is the only word that Jane can force out of her mouth; all of her other thoughts are half finished.

She looks to Maura who looks like she has for the past few days, someone Jane can barely recognize. A single tear slides down her cheek as she echoes her wife,

"Oh."

Oliver closes his eyes, regretting saying anything at all. He grips the wool blanket tighter in his fist and clenches his teeth. If he were physically able he would leave the room, he would slam the door behind him. He would run down the hallway and not look back until he was far enough away that his parents couldn't hear him scream. He pictures running all the way to the ocean and dunking his head in the icy water or waiting until night time and watching the Boston skyline from the waterfront until the sun rises up and creates the deep blue haze that he loves so much; watching his breath float up in a cloud and disappear as the sky turns orange. Sitting in the cold seems preferable to this room right now, until a warm steady hand on his forearm pulls him back from these thoughts.

When he looks up both of his mothers are staring at him. Maura is squinting with pursed lips, the way she looks when she's thinking really hard about something. Jane is biting her lower lip. She puts her hand on his shin and squeezes lightly. He takes another deep inhale, almost forgetting to breathe completely until his lungs start to hurt.

"Oliver, I am so proud of you," Maura's pursed lips quickly slide into a smile and her squinted eyes widen and he can see the bright color in them again.

"Then why are you crying?" He asks, not entirely sure he wants to hear the answer.

Maura clears her throat and shakes her head.

"It's just, I was just thinking that if this situation had been worse, if you hadn't made it," She pauses for a second. Jane wipes a tear away from her cheek and they both wait for her to continue, "I would be haunted forever at the thought of you dying with that secret."

"Ollie, baby," Jane moves over and kisses his head, her lips lingering on his temple for a minute, "I am so happy that you told us. I only wish that you had told us sooner. There's no reason to keep things like that from us, of all people." She scoffs a little and he loosens his grip on his blanket and allows his shoulders to slump back down.

"I know that's what Addi said."

"Your sister knows?" Jane raises an eyebrow and he smiles guiltily.

"I just wanted to be sure before I said anything. But when I was in that room with Wendell Miller, and when I woke up here, I realized that we can never really be sure of anything and I just want to do what makes me happy before I die."

"I agree," Maura says.

"Except for the dying part, you're not going anywhere anytime soon. You're not allowed."

"Deal."

They sit in silence for a while. Maura leaves to change into clean clothes and talk to a colleague that works in the hospital, the nurses come in to check on Oliver's progress and Jane reads over some files.

"Mama?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"Does not wanting to see Addi make me a bad person?"

By the torn skin on his lower lip she can tell he's been thinking about this hard; stewing in silence, thinking over every possible scenario.

"Oliver, I don't think you could be a bad person if you tried."

"I feel a 'but' coming."

"But, I think placing blame on her for all of this is a little harsh. I know you're hurt and angry, but think about how scared she is. I think you need to think about how strong she's needed to be since this all started; how strong she's had to be for seven years,"

He nods, the way Maura does, every word resonating deeply inside his mind.

"Think about how alone she's felt in all of this. Trust me I know how exhausting the role of the older sibling can be, and it's a job you can never quit. But I also know how isolating the role of the victim can be. You guys are in that one together now. No one should be all alone, right?"

"Yeah, you're right."

A yawn escapes Oliver before he can stop it. He starts to speak but Jane puts a hand up to stop him.

"It's time for you to get some rest now."

She walks over and flips off the light. He obediently closes his eyes and settles into his pillows. He tries to sleep for hours but his mother's words swim in his head. He opens one eye and when he is sure Maura is asleep he reaches out and grabs his cell phone. He squints against the blue light shining bright in his eyes. He opens his messages, he has a bunch of texts from Isaac, Tuck, and a few from other friends. He types a quick message to Isaac,

 _Hey, I need a favor, can you check on Addi for me? Thanks_

He puts his phone back on the table before Maura wakes up and chastises him for not resting. When he gets a quick affirmative response back he is finally able to sleep.


	23. New Fears

New Fears

The next morning there's a knock on the front door. Jane walks over and looks through the window before opening it. They've decided that from now on they are all going to be much more vigilant; alarms on the doors and windows, not opening the door for strangers, anything to make sure Addi and Ollie are safe and comfortable. Jane smiles when she opens the door.

"Isaac, it's good to see you buddy."

"You too Detective Rizzoli."

"Oliver still isn't out of the hospital though."

"I know. I'm actually here to see Addison. Is she around?"

Jane's forehead wrinkles, only slightly, but she welcomes him inside and calls for Addi. She comes down the stairs a few minutes later and recoils in embarrassment when she sees who it is. She's in sweatpants and a baggy Boston University sweatshirt, one that Jane's had since she was a kid. She pulls the sleeves down over her hands and bites her lip.

"Hey," Isaac greets shyly.

"Um, hi," Addi shoots Jane a look and she get the hint to leave them alone. "What are you doing here?"

"Truth?" Isaac asks, Addi nods. "Oliver asked me to come check up on you."

"He did?"

"Yeah, he texted me last night."

Addi gestures over to the couch and they both take a seat.

"My moms said he couldn't have his phone." She says, the realization apparent in her hurt tone.

"Ads, I-"

"It's fine. I get it. I wouldn't want to talk to me either."

"I'm sure it's not like that."

"It's exactly like that. I'm the reason my family is in this mess."

"They don't blame you." Isaac tries to reassure her.

The weight of the situation is much too heavy for him but Addison is his best friend's baby sister. She's hurting and it's clear that no one is looking out for her the way they should be right now. It's clear in the purple bags under her eyes, the mess of unwashed hair on top of her head, the screaming red marks on her throat and cheek. Isaac has known about Addison's past since he and Oliver became friends but it's never been shoved in his face like it is right now and it's enough to make him sick. He reaches out and grabs her hand as gently as possible and her eyes widen and look up to meet his.

"They don't blame you." He says again, stronger this time. "So you shouldn't blame yourself."

Addison has heard these words for years. They echo in her mind, a mantra she could never quite master. She was starting to get there before Oliver was hurt, before all of the memories of her childhood came rushing back into her head, behind her closed eyelids, in her nightmares. She shakes her head and lets go of his hand.

"Why not?"

"Because this happened to you, not because of you. There's a big difference."

"Yeah, well they seem pretty synonymous to me right now."

Isaac doesn't know what to say. He rubs the back of his neck.

"Thanks for checking on me, but you don't need to stay here. I'm sure you have plenty of other things to do today."

"Not really, no. You mind if I stick around for a while?"

Addi shakes her head.

"I'm going to shower really quick."

"I'll be here." Isaac says, grabbing the television remote and flipping through the channels, making sure to avoid all of the news stations.

Addi jogs upstairs, ignoring the pain in her head and her chest. She feels a little lighter than she has for the past few days. For the next few hours Isaac does his best to distract her. they watch a movie but when it doesn't seem to be keeping Addi's attention they switch to playing board games.

"You're cheating." She accuses, with a smile.

"Am not. It's not my fault you suck at this game."

"Fine, you want to switch to Scrabble? I'll kick your butt."

"You talk a big game, kid. Let's do it."

Jane rushes down the stairs and it pulls both of the kids' attention toward her.

"Addi, baby, I have to go back to the hospital."

"What's wrong?"

"Your brother has contracted some kind of infection and he isn't doing so well."

"What? What are you talking about?"

Addis stands up and walks over to her Mama. Jane runs her hand through her hair and she kisses her temple.

"I will let you know as soon as I know what's going on. I promise. Don't leave the house, alright?"

She doesn't wait for an answer before she rushes out the door and into her car.

"Hey Isaac, can you drop me off somewhere?"

"I don't think we should. Your mom just said…"

Addi turns to him with tears in her eyes and it's clear she is using every ounce of strength she has to keep it together.

"Please?"

Isaac furrows his brow but the sympathy in his eyes is overwhelming.

"Sure, where to?"

Isaac pulls his car up the driveway of Amelia's house. Addi unbuckles her seatbelt and sighs. She licks her lips and looks at Isaac.

"What are we doing here, Ads?" He squints and looks at the house again, "And where is here, exactly?"

"It's Amelia's house. There's just something I need to do. I won't be long."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, actually, you should probably go home."

Isaac looks almost sad when Addi tells him to go. He grips the steering wheel and nods.

"Thank you for today. I really appreciate it. Even if the only reason you're here is because Oliver told you to be."

Addi opens her door and starts to climb out.

"It's not."

"What?"

"Oliver asking me to do this, it isn't the only reason I'm here. Just know that."

Addi nods and shuts the door. She walks quickly up to the front door and knocks loudly until someone opens the door. Catherine is the one to answer and her eyes widen when she sees Addison's appearance.

"Addison, what are you doing here?" She steps out onto the porch and looks around for any sign of another person but Isaac is already gone and, of course, Jane and Maura are nowhere to be found.

"Is Dr. Holland here?"

"Yeah, come in."

Catherine leads her to a chair and calls for her wife.

"Donna, honey," Her voice remains calm and even despite her rapid pulse. "Can you come here? Quickly."

Donna appears from the living room. When she sees Addison in their kitchen she stops, only for a second and her eyes scan her body. She notices the lack of reactivity in her left pupil, the scratch on her neck that definitely should have been stitched up, the bruises on her arms and neck and the overall horrific appearance of the young girl.

"Addison, why are you here alone?"

"I need you to go to the hospital and help my brother. He has an infection, I need you to help him, please."

Donna walks over and takes her hands gingerly into her own. She stays stoic and calm, just the way Maura would if the roles were reversed.

"Why aren't you at the hospital? You're clearly injured."

"I'm fine. I need you to help him."

"Okay, I will but you're coming with me and I'm going to get you help too." Donna pulls her up and walks her to the front door. "What happened?"

"He came back."

Donna stops in her tracks and shares a look with her wife. Her and Catherine had been together for a few years before she treated Addison. Of course she had her fair share of terrible cases but nothing has, or ever will, compare to Addison's case. Donna couldn't sleep for weeks after treating Addi and she still has nightmares about it.

"Wendell Miller?"

"Don't you watch the news?"

Addi's voice is harsher than she meant it to be but the only concern she has right now is getting Oliver help. Donna has saved her life twice, no doubt she can help her brother now.

"Who's Wendell Miller?"

Addison turns at the sound of the one voice she was hoping she wouldn't hear today. Amelia is standing in the hallway. She's frozen, the last time she saw Addison she was concussed but overall she was alright, her black eye was healing and the cut below her eye was gone. But now, she looks utterly destroyed.

"We'll talk later," Donna says to Amelia, ushering Addison out the door, "Right now, I need to get to the hospital."

When they arrive at the ICU, the waiting room is in chaos as usual but as soon as they are in the hallway, through the glass doors, it's too quiet. Addison shows Donna to Oliver's room and through the window they can see several nurses tending to him and a doctor talking to Maura and Jane. He's back on a ventilator and he looks like he's been dead for several days; pale, skinny, and unable to move.

"Wait here. I'll be back to take you to get examined."

Donna pushes open the door. Addison hears her interrupt the other doctor before the door shuts and it's silent again. Donna gestures toward Oliver and then the door which causes Jane and Maura to look to where Addison is standing, stock still. Every muscle in her body is tensed; her hands, her legs, her neck, and her jaw is clenched so tight that it hurts her ears. Her attention is only turned to it when she realizes there's a ringing sound penetrating the silence. She spins her mother's ring around her finger but it's too big and it falls to the floor with a faint clink.

She doesn't bend over to pick it up. Instead she watches Donna observe her brother. She checks his charts. Her eyebrow twitches when she checks his machines and her lips purse when she writes something down. She shakes Maura's hand, then Jane's before walking out the door, the other doctor following right behind her.

"What's going on? Is he okay?"

"I think he will be. I'm going to stay here and monitor him throughout the night. It's good you came and got me. He has pneumonia."

"Pneumonia? Isn't that from being outside?"

"Sometimes but it can also be spread around hospitals because patients are weaker. His breathing has been compromised but with the right medicine he should be healed soon." Donna places her hand gently on Addi's shoulder. "Now, let's get you checked out. Your mom is going to come find us in a little while."

Addi's stomach jumps at the mention of her mom, but she knows deep down Donna really meant her Mama. She takes a seat on one of the exam tables and waits, for what feels like years, until Donna comes back with a few instruments.

"You're doing the exam?"

"Yes, is that okay with you?"

Addi nods. It's not the worst condition she's seen her in, even if she doesn't remember the last time.

"Okay."

Donna smiles at her, kindly, the way Maura did right after her parents died. Addison tries not to look at her but she can't help it, she's drawn to the kind gesture. She looks up at her and falls apart. She sobs and lets Donna pull her into a hug, a tight embrace that makes her think that she is allowed to fall apart. She cries harder than she ever has, despite the throbbing behind her eyes and ache in all of her limbs. She lets the pain seep into her, lets it get worse. She welcomes it and continues to cry until she's sure she has no more tears left.

"It's alright sweetheart. He'll be alright. I'll make sure of it."

Addi looks at Donna again, this time she seems familiar but she can't quite place her. The longer she looks, the longer she squints, the longer she tries to place her face the more distorted everything gets. All the chaos and confusion gets mixed up in her head and it makes it hard to speak. When she does finally form words she speaks slowly and quietly, like she's afraid.

"Jack said he would kill him if he wasn't quiet. He said he would kill him and then me and then my parents."

"Who's Jack?"

"Jack," She says again, matter-of-factly.

"I don't know who you're talking about." Donna leans forward in her chair, "So Jack said he would kill Oliver?"

"Who's Oliver? He said my mom is taking pills and my dad is cheating on her with his secretary. He said that I'm the reason they have to die."

Donna gives a hand signal to another doctor who moves out of the room quickly.

"Sweetheart," her voice softens even more than she thought possible, "you're parents have been dead for seven years."

"No, they haven't. They tucked me into bed before I went to sleep last night." She moves out of Donna's grip but she isn't upset by this information. "No, he said that what I told him meant that he was able to get rid of them. He said that they're sinners and God asked him to get rid of all of the sinners. He needed to cleanse the world."

The other doctor returns with two male nurses.

"Okay, sweetheart. I want to hear all about that, alright? But we need to move to another room first."

Addi doesn't even register that she's talking, she continues to babble on about "Jack" as she is moved into a wheelchair and brought to the elevator.

"I'm going to get her mother and I'll meet you up there. Do not ask her anything until we get up there, she's only fourteen."

The doctor nods and gets onto the elevator with Addi and the nurses. Donna rushes back to the ICU to find Jane and Maura. When she gets there she is out of breath, both from nearly sprinting across the entire hospital and from the panic that is piling up in her stomach. They are standing over Ollie's bed but they look up when the door flings open.

"Excuse me?"

"Donna, what's wrong?" Maura asks.

"Um, I don't know how to say this." She steps further into the room and makes sure the door is shut before she speaks again. "We've brought Addison up to the fourth floor."

"What's on the fourth floor?" Jane asks, but Maura already seems to know the answer.

"The psychiatric ward."


	24. The World Spins Madly On

The World Spins Madly On

Hey guys, thank you all so much to those of you who read and reviewed my most recent chapter. I can't believe people have stuck with me because I'm horrible and have updated every six months or so, because I'm horrible. Anyway, I am setting a new goal for myself to update every Tuesday and Thursday/Friday. We'll see how it goes. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and giving me your feedback, I live for it.

"And can you tell me what happened next?"

The doctor that Donna talked to before is talking to Addison. Jane and Maura are standing behind a two way mirror, watching the entire thing. Jane has looked through these windows a million times to observe interrogations and witness interviews but never, in a million years, did she think that she would watch her daughter through one.

"I put the chair next to my window. He said that he was getting old and it was hard on his knees to bend down for so long to talk to me." Addison giggles, it sends chills down Jane and Maura's spines, she sounds almost childlike but there is something disturbing about it; something almost ghostly.

"He asked you to do that?"

"Yeah, he said he liked talking to me but I needed to help him out with some things."

"Like the chair?"

"Yeah, and other stuff."

"Other stuff, like what?"

Addison pauses. She bites her lip and pushes a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Do you remember what I told you when we first started talking?"

Addison nods.

"Nothing that you say to me will get you into any trouble."

"I don't want to get Jack into trouble."

"Trust me, you won't." The doctor, Dr. Phipps, says, sneaking a look at the mirror.

"He said that if my parents, or anyone else I knew, ever did anything bad that I should tell him."

"And did they? Do bad things?"

"All the time."

"Did you tell Jack about these things?"

Addison starts to cry.

"I want to see my mom and dad. I want to tell them I'm sorry."

Jane looks over to Maura who is sobbing, silently, wiping the tears away as fast as she can but she doesn't take her eyes off of her daughter.

"What's wrong with her?" Jane asks.

Donna sighs and turns off the intercom system.

"I'm not sure, that's why I've called in Dr. Phipps. He's the best adolescent psychologist in the country. At first, I thought it was complications from her concussion but then she started to talk about this whole situation as if it was all new to her, as if she were a young child again."

Dr. Phipps walks through the door, leaving Addison in the observation room to draw, which she does happily.

"Dr. Phipps, this is Dr. Maura Isles and Detective Jane Rizzoli, Addison's mothers."

"Nice to meet you." He says diplomatically, reaching out a hand to greet both of them.

"What the hell is going on?" Jane asks.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

"She's displaying severe symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome; and after the events of the past week, it's no surprise."

"So she's just reverted back to being a little kid?"

"Her brain is doing it to protect her." Maura says, momentarily coming out of her trance, "She's repressed it; gone back to before any of the murders happened. If they never happened, she doesn't have to deal with them; Oliver never would have gotten hurt, she wouldn't be feeling the guilt that she is and she would be fine. We all would be fine."

"Maur," Jane isn't sure if this is a warning or her attempt at making her wife feel better but they are both interrupted by Dr. Phipps.

"Dr. Isles is right. So for now, I would like to admit her to the ward and keep an eye on her. We'll see if the delusion will resolve itself over the next couple of days as the swelling in her brain goes down or we may need to intervene."

"Intervene how?"

"Therapy, medication, whatever it takes to get her better."

Jane and Maura nod. This whole situation was nearly resolved and it has unraveled again.

"I'll stay with her." Jane says.

"The psych ward has strict visitation hours. I'm sorry, but you can come see her tomorrow afternoon."

Jane and Maura walk out into the hallway and Jane slams her hand against the wall. She leans against it and lets her body slide down to the floor. Maura stands, leaning against the opposite wall.

"How the hell did it come to this, Maur? What are we going to do?"

Jane puts her face in her hands and lets out the sobs that have been keeping her body so tense for the past several days. She brings her knees up to her chest and rocks back and forth. She feels Maura's arms around her shoulders and her soft whispers in her ear. Maura hasn't seen Jane cry, not once, during this whole ordeal. This is the wake up call she needed. She isn't the only one going through this; Oliver and Addison and Jane. They're all dealing with this and she needs to step up and help her wife to ensure they all make it out of this hospital alive.

"We're going to go stay with Oliver tonight and tomorrow afternoon we will go visit our daughter. We will talk to her and try our best to make her remember who we are, who she is and how far she's come."

This time when Jane looks up at her wife through tear filled eyes she sees the strength, poise and grace that is usually there. She places her cold palm against Maura's warm cheek and forces out a smile.

"There you are."

"I'm sorry it took me so long."

"How could it not?" Jane leans in and kisses her deeply.

She needs to feel connected to her, she needs to feed off of her strength and her love. She needs to know that they can get through this.

Oliver stays stable through the night and they are confident that he is going to make a full recovery from his infection. His other injuries are healing nicely and they are still just waiting for him to be able to breathe on his own before waking him from his medically induced coma.

Maura goes home for the first time since the whole incident and showers. She gets clean clothes for everyone and gathers several other items that they need. When she is about to leave Angela pulls her car up the driveway.

"Maura, sweetie, I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"I could say the same thing to you."

"I just came to check on the house and to check in on Addison. I know Jane said that Frankie would be staying with her but I thought she might like a nice home cooked meal."

"Jane hasn't called you? You don't know?"

"Don't know what?"

Angela wouldn't take no for an answer. She follows Maura to the hospital. Jane is walking back from the coffee machine when she sees the two of them walking quickly through the waiting room. She thinks, for just a second, about hiding in the corner and waiting until Angela gets bored and leaves. But of course, her mother is even more stubborn than she is, so that could take hours. She walks up to them and waits for the yelling to start.

"Hi Ma,"

"Jane, how could you not tell me what was going on?"

"I'm sorry but things have been a little chaotic around here as you could imagine."

"I'm going to check on Oliver." Maura says meekly before ducking out of the room.

Jane could kill her; bringing her mother here, telling her everything and then leaving her to defend herself. She stands with her arms crossed while Angela continues.

"How could you not think to call me, or anybody? Oliver nearly died, again, and Addison has been admitted to a mental hospital."

"God, Ma, she hasn't been admitted to a mental hospital. She's in the psychiatric ward, of this hospital, for observation. It's not like the men in the nice white coats came and carted her off kicking and screaming."

"So what exactly did happen?"

Jane sits down in the chair, refusing to look at her mother when her voice cracks.

"I don't know." Jane puts her head in her hands and breathes deeply. "I thought we were almost out of this. I thought that Wendell Miller being dead meant that this would all be over but it's just gotten worse."

"It will get better."

"You don't know that. None of us know that. Oliver has a machine breathing for him and Addison doesn't even know who I am. She doesn't remember half of her life. She's upstairs thinking that her parents are going to walk through the door any minute and take her home."

Angela rubs Jane's back in circles. Her daughter is always the level-headed one. She's logical and dives head first into crises, but she isn't so sure that she's going to make it through this one as strong as she was before.

"For the record, you and Maura are her parents. You've raised the strongest kids in the world. You need to keep faith in that. You and Maura need to lean on each other and wait it out because they will be okay."

"You didn't see the look in her eye, Ma. It was like I was sent back in time. You don't forget that kind of fear and pain. The day we adopted her I made a vow to myself that I would never allow that look to cross her face ever again."

"You can't make that kind of promise to yourself, Janie. You're only setting yourself up for failure. There's a lot of pain and heartache in the world and you can't protect your children from all of it."

"But I thought I would be able to protect them from a little of it."

"You're not a superhero."

"No, but I'm their mom."

"Exactly, you're already everything they need."

A few tears drip down Jane's cheeks and she leans against her mother, allowing her to wrap her in a tight embrace.

The night is uneventful. Maura and Jane sleep, again, on the small leather bench in the corner of Oliver's room. Jane lays awake for most of the night watching infomercials with people making exaggerated mistakes and she finds herself getting angry again. The longer she's awake the more space it makes for her to think about her family's situation. She has to go in to the precinct in the morning and talk to IAB. The shooting happened in her home and, on top of everything else that's been going on, there are some questions about how everything went down. Maura shifts in Jane's arms and it's enough to pull her out of her thoughts and ground her in reality. She hugs her tighter and reminds herself that she has everything she needs to get through this; she has Maura.

Jane walks through the hallways of the hospital and she is beginning to detest the color of the walls; they're white. But it's the kind of white that makes your eyes glaze over and gives you a headache. Maura is standing near the elevator when she makes it to the fourth floor. Donna and Dr. Phipps have arranged for them to have a private visit in Addi's room, instead of the normal visits the other patients have in the common room.

"Addison, I have a couple friends here that would like to speak with you." Dr. Phipps says when he peeks into her room.

She is drawing again. She looks up and smiles at Dr. Phipps.

"Is that alright?"

"Sure."

Jane and Maura walk into the room and they are left alone, or so it seems, with their daughter.

"Hi Addison, I'm detective Jane and this is Dr. Maura."

"Are you going to arrest me?"

"No, sweetheart, we're not here to arrest you."

Despite the heaviness of the situation, Maura lets a smile cross her lips at Addison's question.

"We're just here to talk with you. How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess. I just want to go home."

"We know," Jane says, sympathetically, "We've been stuck in this hospital for a long time too."

"Why?" Addi puts her colored pencil down and looks at Jane.

For a second she swears there's a glimpse of her daughter, the teenaged version, somewhere inside but it disappears too quickly.

"Our kids are here."

"Are they sick?"

Maura bites her bottom lip, her best attempt not to cry.

"Yeah," Jane starts, "they're really sick but we're hoping they get better really soon."

"Why are you talking to me?" Addi asks, her eyebrow is quirked upward and she looks so cute, so innocent.

"Honest?" Jane asks and Addi nods.

"Because you remind us a lot of our daughter."

"Really?"

She perks up at the idea. Jane smiles and fights the urge to run her hand through Addi's hair or kiss her temple because she doesn't want to freak her out.

"Yeah, she's older than you though."

"So she's eight?"

"No, she's fourteen. She just started high school. She loves to draw like you do and she plays soccer."

"I play soccer too!" Addi bounces in her bed.

"No way. But I bet you don't have a stuffed turtle."

"Yeah, I do!" Addi is squealing now.

"No way." Jane feigns excitement but deep down she is trying her best to swallow the bile that is bubbling up her throat.

Maura watches her interact with their daughter as if it were the first time they had met. She grips her own thigh so tightly that there are going to be fingernail marks in her skin for hours but she catches a glimpse of something in Addi's eye and hears a hint of something in her laugh that reminds her that Addi is still with them and they will get her back if it's the last thing they do.


End file.
